


Finally

by Tantaylor



Category: Duran Duran
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Emotional Hurt, Love, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-06-11 01:26:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 71,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15304386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tantaylor/pseuds/Tantaylor
Summary: Nick and Roger meet again after years of separation.Story starts shortly before the reunion and ends 2018.Again, english is not my native tongue and the Story isn^t beta-ed, so please excuse all mistakes.Thank you





	1. Careless memories

England, November 1999  
The phone rings at 3 in the morning and I know it^s Nigel. He would never learn about time zones.  
« Have you read it ? » he almost shriekes, what is indeed very *Nigel* and not the confident John fucking Taylor.  
« Well, good morning, Nige. Good night, rather.Are you on drugs again or what ? » I say harshly.  
« Sorry ! Did you read it ? » he repeats.  
« What ? » I ask, still trying to wake up.  
« He^s gay ! Did you know that ? How can it be we never have noticed ? » My best friend sounds confused.  
« Hell, Nige, it^s three in the morning and you call me to let me know that someone is gay ? Well, thank you, whoever it is, I wish him all the best. Let me sleep now, yeah?“  
„Roger“ he blurts.  
„Roger who?“ I ask perplexed, because it surley can^t be that he is talking about the Roger I have in mind whenever I hear that name.  
„Roger! OUR Roger! Frecking Froggy-Roger!“ I can see John^s eye-roll clearly before me.  
„Ah…THAT Roger. The Roger who has left us one and a half decades ago to rise a family, hmhm, sure. Again, are you on drugs ?“  
Despite my words I feel my pulse racing. Is it some sick joke ? Can^t be, because not even John, not even my brother from another mother, knows what^s the real reason for Roger^s leaving back then.  
„Go google it. He^s divorced. He lives with a guy in Gloustershire . It was in the papers today and … »  
„John!“ I cut him off. „ That`s rediculous!“  
„ Google it!“ Click.  
I stare at the phone for a while, trying to calm my pounding heart. No! No way!  
Ah, fuck!  
I get my labtop.  
*ROGER TAYLOR, FORMER DRUMMER OF DURAN DURAN: YES, I^M IN LOVE WITH A MAN!*

The letters of the article blur before my eyes. I blink and my stomach turns as I see the picture.  
Roger.  
Oh my god, he^s looking good! Even better than in the 80^s. He smiles broadly with his arm around the waist of a …bitch…handsome blonde MAN!  
„NO!“ I yell. „ NOOOOO`“

 

Japan, 1981  
„Lovely“ Roger mutters ironically as he looks out of the window of the hotel room down to all those hysterical teens „ Looks like we are trapped in here, Nicky!“  
I hate to be called Nicky. I really do. But… Roger saying that feels almost like some sweet caress.  
Yeah, I know this is stupid. As if he would ever have feelings for me, feelings beyond friendship.  
For once I feel thankful for the masses of screaming fans in front of our hotel, though.  
Roger is right. We are trapped in here. Trapped in a hotel room . He and I.  
„Bar is stocked well, Rog. Nothing bad with having some drinks in private“ I dare to pat his back and immediatly regretted it. Touching him, even only his sweaty shirt, is almost too much to bear.  
But then, perhaps , it IS for the sweaty shirt. God. He^s so…sexy!  
„Ah, well“ he sighs, turning to me. „Let^s get blind drunk, then. What else can we do?“  
*Oh! I have a lot of things in mind we could do….What about a blow job? A fuck? Uh. Yes. A fuck.I want to fuck you. I want to…*  
« What do you want ? » he asks.  
For a moment I think that he’^s reading my dirty mind and I feel my face blush, not able to speak.  
„There^s Whisky. Not a good one, though. Gin. And Vodka, of course.* he counts and I let out a breath I didn^t know I was holding.  
„Er…If there^s some orange juice, I^d be fine with the voddie“  
„^key“ He mixes drinks for us, hands me the cup…plastic…eeew…and plops on the bed. THE bed.  
One bed. We have to share it. I have to share a tiny, cosy bed with the drummer I^m secretly in love with.  
Brilliant. Just brilliant.  
I almost spill the Vodka as Roger takes off the sweaty shirt.  
„It^s hot in here, huh?“ he grinned and for a split second I wonder if he’s actually flirting with me.  
*It is indeed hot in here. So very hot.*  
„Come over, Nicky. I need company!“  
« Soooo… » I start when I sit beside him in a safe distance. « Are you hungry ? We can order something , if you want. »  
« Nah, i^m fine. Have to stay in shape » he smiles and without thinking I say. « There^s nothing wrong with your shape »  
Ack ! Have I really just say that ?  
His brows come up and his smile widens „ Oh. A compliment from the greatest keyboard player alive! No offence, Nicky, but you should eat more…you .. » he pokes a finger into the flesh right over my collar bone « ..are a bit too thin recently »  
*Yeah. I know. I just can^t eat when I^m in love with someone I^ll never have.*

„Are you ok, Nicholas?“ he asks, honest concern in his voice.  
« Yeah. It^s…it’s just…I… » Dear god. I stutter like a school boy! Well, It isn’t that long ago that I WAS one.  
„Feeling lonely? I do. I miss Gio. What about you? Are you dating someone at the moment? Haven’t seen you with a bird for quite a while. » His warm mahogany eyes fix at me and I feel myself blush again under his intense gaze.  
„No..there^s no one ..I want to stay focused on the band. No distraction needed“ I explain hastily.  
Dang. I can^t look away. He’s holding me with his beautiful eyes and there is something in the way he looks at me…something…knowing?  
„Liar“ he says with an amused chuckle.  
„What?“ Has he called me a liar ?  
« I saw you, Nicky. » Roger stands up and goes to the bar again, refilling his cheap plastic cup with Gin.  
I stare at his bare back, mind racing. What the hell is he talking about?  
Still with his back to me I hear him saying „ Saw you snoggling around with this bloke backstage“  
Shock rushes into me and the blood leaves my brain as I clearly remember the scene he has mentioned.  
For once I had taken advantage of a groupie. A male groupie. He was dark and handsome and sweet. A Roger-surrogate. Nothing more. A poor replacement for the man I^m staring at right now.  
A one night stand in a cheap hotel room with plastic cups and a tiny, tiny bed.  
The drummer of my dreams turns to face me.  
Even as brain dead as I am I notice that there is not a hint of disgust in his face when he winks at me.  
„ He looked like me, don^t you think?“  
There it is again, this knowing gleam in his eyes and I looked away, embarrassed to no end.  
Yeah, I could deny it. I could play innocent.  
But I am no liar. Perhaps I hide a few things about myself, perhaps I don’t tell everything to everyone, but I^m no bloody liar !  
« Are you still with him ? » Roger wants to know and his voice makes my nerves tingle.  
« No » I say quietly, meeting his gaze again. « He was only a groupie. Someone who made me forget about.. (you)...the loneliness »  
« It was hot. Watching you two.Incredibly hot, to be honest. Felt like seeing myself there »  
He leans at the cupboard, arms crossed ,in his favorite posture of a rebellious James-Dean-lookalike and my blood rushes into my groin as I get the meaning of his words.  
*What the hell ???*  
« I would never have rated you as a voyeur, Roger Taylor ! » I try to be funny, despite the visible bulge in my pants. The bit of blood still serving my upper regions pounds in my ears. Like a drum, haha!  
„Oh well, I would never have thought you are gay, Nicky. And it left me all confused that it was such a turn-on to find out“  
Now that he mentions it, the turn –on is obvious right before me and I can^t take my eyes off of yet another bulge in yet another pants  
I know I will regret it, I know that Roger isn^t looking for love. He^s just lonely , stressed and slightly drunk, looking for some relief. I know this will break my heart.  
I don^t care. I have to have him.  
„Come over, Roger, I need company“ I say hoarsely.  
He does not move. Not a single bit.His eyes fall close and he inhales deeply. If not for the impressive hard –on that shows undoubtfully in his tight jeans, I would think I misread him.  
„Nicky“ he whispers . „ Help me. I have never…I »  
The rebellious pose is all gone and he looks sort of helpless there. Helpless and sexy. Nervous like a virgin, waiting for me to take the first step. This is kind of strange after his almost agressive flirting, but I understand.  
In this case, he IS a virgin.  
If he^ll let me pop his cherry?  
The thought of it alone makes me moan and I rise from the bed to stay right in front of him in no time.  
His eyes flutter open and I nearly drown in the dephts of warm brown as I meet his gaze, asking silently for permission .  
Does he really want this?  
„Nicky! Nick.“ he whimpers desperatly, answering my unspoken question  
I gasp when he slides his hands under the back of my shirt and his calloused fingers make contact with my bare skin.  
Pulling him close,I return the favor, feeling his strong muscles under my hands Never before have I been so near to him and nothing in the world could stop me now from touching the man of my dreams.  
To die for!  
Those hands on my skin, those arms around me, and then I find his soft lips. He hesitates and slightly pulls back but I grab the back of his neck.

*No way, Roger! Point of no return!*

I know my skills. I know I^m a good kisser and this hot thing in my arms will be kissed!  
He yelps in surprise when I bite his lower lip gently, sucking it into my mouth

*Gio doesn^t do it this way, I guess.*

God! I want him to never forget this, I want him to dream of this night for the rest of his life!  
I will show him things no woman could ever do to him.  
His tongue flickers against mine and he opens up for me, his body softens in my arms as he let go of the tension and moans into my mouth ever so sweetly.

*Got you, drummer! Got you! *

I move backwards, pulling him with me until the back of my knees hit the bed and we sink onto the mattress together, never breaking the kiss.


	2. And the walls break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon has planned a reunion party

London, December 1999  
„Come on , Nick! It^s chrismas. We always have this christmas parties for the last 20 years ! You have to come ! » Charlie almost yells at me through the phone.  
« Not this year, Si. I need some time off, really, I^m not 20 any more »  
„ Me neither, So what? Nick! I don^t want to have this party without you. You have to be there ! »  
« You are such a pain in the arse, Charlie, do you know that ? » I grin.  
« Yeah, man, I know. That^s why you love me, huh ? » the singer chuckles. « I assure you you won^t regret it ! »

Those parties around christmas at the LeBon^s are legendary and I^m glad that I have changed my mind as I step into the packed house.  
Even John is there and we hug heartily. *Hello there, my favorite of all Taylors“ I smile and immediately feel the little twitch in my stomach when I think automatically of one other Taylor.  
Who lives in Gloustershire with a fucking blonde bitch.   
YES I^M IN LOVE WITH A MAN.  
*Yeah, congrats. So am I. Still. After all those years.*

„I^m not the only Taylor here today“ JT winks and my heart stops shortly as I turn.  
Andy. Thank god, it^s Andy!  
„Ands! Goodness! It^s been ages!“ We had our fights, our former guitarist and I, but I^m really happy to see him.  
„What are you doing here? Where’s Tracey?“   
„Charlie called. Quite a surprise, I tell ya! Trace is over there, at the buffet »  
« Nick ! » his wife enbraces me when the three uf us approach her.  
She hasn’t changed. Not a single bit.

* I wonder if she is still so close to Giovanna*

„Did you hear about Roger? « she asks quietly. »Unbelievable, isn’t it ? »  
Yeah, unbelievable. Really. Can we change the subject, please ?

« Has anyone talked to him lately ? » JT wonders.  
„Yeh“ Andy nods. „ I have. I visited him two weeks ago. It was…weird. They are happy, though, Roger and Damian. Dunno if it^s the farm life or that man, but Rog …he looks good, really“

*Ok. I don^t want to hear that. I so don^t want to hear that*

I need a drink. I can^t stand it without a few drinks.  
I make an excuse and get me a Whisky, greeting people I know as I stroll through the rooms.   
There seems to be no other topic than Roger^s coming out and I begin to regret being here.  
„Did you hear…“  
„ Would you have guessed…*  
„ How comes that no one ever noticed…“  
„ Poor Gio.“

Feeling slightly sick, I end in the kitchen , third Whisky of the evening in hand.  
„Hey!“ Yasmin smiles at me, pulling me close.  
« Yeah, I heard it and I don^t wanna talk about it » I blurt.  
Yasmin. The only one who knows.  
She found me after Roger^s wedding, blind drunk in my hotel room in Naples, sobbing my heart out, and I have told her everything.  
I know she never has spread the word. I would entrust my life to that gorgeous woman.  
„Oh Nick!“ she whispers , „ Still not over it, hm?“  
„Obviously not“ I sigh  
„Nick…“ she starts again as the door flings open and her husband appears, beaming like the christmas tree in the hall.  
„You have to come back in. The last guest has arrived!“ he announces „ let this fabulous reunion party start!“  
« What reunion ? » I wonder.  
« The long planned reunion of the fab five » Charlie grins broadly.

*What…the…fuck???*

„I wanted to tell you“ Yassie mutters and I feel my stomach turn.  
„Come on! Say hello to our long lost drummer!“ The singer rushes off, expecting us to follow.

„I didn^t know until the party started!“ the model says quietly.“Are you ok?“  
I stand as if being glued to the floor, heart racing and head spinning.

*Not ok. Not anywhere near*

„Yeah“ I lie. „Just give me a minute“  
« You sure ? » she worries, stroking my arm.  
« I^m fine, Yassie. It^s just unexpected. Let me finish my drink, I^ll be there. In a minute. Promised ! »

 

Japan , 1981

„What…are…you …doing?“ Roger pants between eager kisses as I unbuckle his belt and fumble the buttons of his Levi^s open.  
„Isn^t that obvious?“ I croak, pushing my tongue almost violently into that wonderful mouth.  
God, these jeans are annoying. They have to go off, and they do. I smile triumphantly when the object of my desire lifts his hips supportively, moaning imressively loud.  
And then he is naked. Naked and beautiful and sexy and horny as hell.  
„You are gorgeous. So gorgeous“ i whisper.  
My hands run down his sides, making him shudder with excitement.  
„Ooooh god!“ he whimpers when my tongue follows my hands.

*Show him things no woman would ever do* my fogged mind repeats.

Roger…ROGER!!!!...tenses up as my tongue flickers over his pucker .That sweet untouched virgin pucker  
„Relax and enjoy“I mutter against the hot skin of his thigh.  
„I…what…Nick…“ his voice is pure panic   
Is he another one of those *Don^t touch me there*-heteros ?  
« I told you to relax, Roger. I promise you^ll like it. I won’t hurt you ! » 

*Not YET, at least*

I crawl up to look into his oh so lovely face, gently stroking his cheek.  
« Trust me, will you ? »

« It’s not…I…oh god… » he closes his eyes, that face of him bright red from shame, and I almost die of his whispered, shaky words „ I like it, Nick. I just don^t feel clean…there…let me have a shower first, yeah ? »

*Hallelujah ! I^m in heaven ! How incredibly CUTE is this little virgin?*

« I will help you with that » I smile. We go into the bathroon together. Hand in hand,

This is far beyond any expectations. A million miles away from any expectations.  
And I know it will kill me.  
I know it will fucking DESTROY me, and it will possibly destroy that one thing I have given all my energy and work for.  
Duran Duran.  
But still, I have to have him. Even if it^s only for one fucking time.

 

London, 1999

His laugh hits me like a hammer and all I want is to run away, as fast and far as I can.  
It^s almost decades since I last have heard him laughing like that.  
The hammer is nothing compared to the fucking TRAIN that hits me when he turns as if he has sensed my presence.  
„Nicky“   
One word. Thousands of memories. I am lost.

*God! He looks gorgeous, Muscled and tanned and all happy. Gorgeous!*

„I hate it to be called Nicky, have I ever told you, Froggy?“  
„I bet I hate it more to be called Froggy“ he chuckles and before I can even think of what to do or say next, he has me in his arms.

He smells exactly like back then, I think, and he feels even better.  
Roger steps back, still holding at my shoulders, his warm brown eyes meeting mine.  
„ Nicky!“ he repeats and his smile leaves no other option than to smile back.  
My broken hurting heart melts into a useless puddle.  
„What a surprise to see you here!“ I grin.  
My, that^s the understatement of the fading millennium, isn^t it?“  
„You know Charlie. He’s such a pain in the arse if he’s up to something“ he winked, and he STILL holds at my shoulders.  
The useless puddle bubbles helplessly.  
„Yeah, I know. I^m dealing with it for more than 2 decades, huh?“  
„Got the hint, Nicky. You are still mad at me, aren^t you?“   
„ I have never been mad at you, Roger.“ I say honestly. „Where`s your (blonde bitch)…er…partner?“  
„If I^d get a pound everytime someone has asked me that, I^d be a very rich man by now » he chuckles and his hands slide off of my shoulders.  
„ He^s not here. Didn^t want to come with me. He^s not really into those *pop stars and models*- parties, you know.“  
„ My, that does remind me of someone!“ I chuckle.  
„ I have changed, Nick“  
„Uh, yes, you have. Your whole life has, hm?“  
„You can say so. Looks like everyone knows.“  
„ They had the royal air force writing it in the sky. In bright pink letters!“ I joke. „Roger Taylor is in love with a man, Taaadaaaa.“

*It hurts, it bloody hurts, it should have happened 18 years ago*


	3. Someone else not me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> * it HURTS*
> 
> Nick meets Roger^s lover

Japan, 1981

The small room is filled with steam as almost too hot water runs down our naked bodies. Again we are kissing like there^s no tomorrow.

*Because there IS no tomorrow*

My subconcious mind falls into silence when I find me something new to play with and Roger tilts his head back as I pinch one of his perfect nipples, letting my tongue flicker over the other.  
His cock throbs against my thigh, his adam^s apple jumps frantically and his hands clutch my hair to hold my head in place.  
I smile against his wet skin, sucking the delicious nub into my mouth while my hand runs down his spine all the way to his ass and without warning my index finger disappears into his soaped entrance.  
He is too surprised for any resistance and when I hit his sweet spot he turns immedately into a quivering mess.  
„Whaaa…god…what…aaah…what…“he whimpers and this is by far the sweetest sound I ever have heard.

Goodness. He likes it. He LOVES it!  
At that point I know that I will fuck him later, that he would let me fuck him.  
And he will scream with pleasure.

London 1999  
„What about you, Nicky? Are you dating someone ? » Roger asks, leaning against one of the bar tables Simon has positioned in the living room.  
His posture is not a bit different from the rebellious James-Dean-look he had when he was 21.  
„Tara“ I nod. „Tara Palmer-Tomkinson. She’s a model and TV host. It’s only two weeks now. »  
« Is she here ? »   
« Nah. Some job in the US »  
„You..had quite a few girlfriends, huh?“ he winks « All models and it-girls and such.“  
„ Part of the pop star life“ I grin. „My one and only true love is already taken, though“  
Pointing my chin at the nearby Yasmin, I rise my champagne glass and she returns the gesture.  
Well, I wasn^t a liar back then, but I^m a pretty good one these days. It’s all about self-protection.  
« I thought.. » he starts. « Ah…never mind » Good old Froggy Barnacle blushes slightly and takes a hastily sip of his champagne.

*I know what you thought and you are right, but as I said, my one and only true love is already taken..by a blonde bitch. I DO have bisexual tendencies, though. Perhaps I should tell you about those little adventures with poor Roger-surrogates. Maybe I should invite you to watch.I wonder if you still think that^s incredibly hot*

« How’s Tatji ? » he changes the subject and I realize that he never has seen my daughter, the only female person in my life I^m truely madly deeply in love with.  
« She’s a teen now.Thirteen. Can you believe it ? « I say.  
« Like James, my eldest. »  
« ROGER ! « Someone yells and it takes me a while to recognize the all over beaming man approaching our table.  
He takes Roger into a bear hug.  
Dear god, Raphael. Raphael de Jesus, former percussionist of Duran Duran and openly gay since the early 80^s. Simon really has called nearly everyone from the past, I see.  
« Wow, man ! » Raphael smiles. « You look fantastic ! Gay life suits you well, heh ? You should have told me, you know? I would have pounded you into the mattress every night during the *Blue-silver*-tour!“  
„ Thanks, but no, thank, Raffy. I don^t do bottom » Rog laughs.

*Liar*

Only when those well known mahogany eyes meet mine I notice that I have spoken this out loud and I almost swoon as he whispers :   
« Once. Just once. Long long time ago »

 

Japan 1981

We have to get out of this shower before I simply would slam him against the tiles and fuck his brain out, as much as I like the thought of it.  
He deserves more than a quickie in the shower and I still want to make sure that he will never forget.  
I want to drive him nuts.   
Well, he looks quite nuts already. Beautifully nuts.   
A prostate massage is not everyone’s cup of tea, but it^s definetly Roger^s Much to my surprise he is looking at me all the time with nothing but pure lust in his gaze, not the smallest hint of guilt. Or shame. Pure lust  
*Love?*  
« You love this, yeah ? » I growl in his ear.  
„Uh…yes…god! Yes“  
„I have other things to offer than a finger, Roger.“I nearly have to laugh as his eyes drop down to my cock.  
„Obviously!“ he chuckles nervously.  
Pulling my finger out I lifted his chin to make him look into my eyes again.  
„I want to fuck you. I want to fuck you since I have seen you for the very first time.“ This is probably the most honest sentence I have ever said.

Roger cups my face with his calloused hands, still panting, and kisses me ever so gently  
« I know » he says when our lips part. « I know that, Nicky. And I want you to fuck me »

 

London, 1999  
I sigh with relief as Charlie, Ands and JT come over, giving me a reason to break the tensed silence I have fallen into after Roger^s confession. Forcing myself to take my eyes away from his intense gaze, I turn to the singer.“ Goodness, Simon John Charles LeBon, this really IS one reunion party!“  
„And that^s exactly what I want you all to think about.“ He grins.  
„About what?“ I ask.  
„About a reuinion. Original line up. Rhodes , LeBon and the three Taylors. I want my band back. I want my mates back, and I think it^s just about time to get together again. Please think about it. All of you. Think about it when you^re home again, for now let^s party like it^d be 1981.“

I feel the urgent need for a cigarrette, despite the fact that I have quit smoking years ago.  
A reunion?   
Dang, I have to clear my head.I have to get away from that drummer for a moment, so that I can think straight.  
„ Be right back“ I murmur as I spot the black godess Naomi Campell. I know she smokes and I go, asking her for a cigarette..

The cool air feels good and I fill my lungs a few times before I take the first drag of nicotine.  
A REUNION?  
Trying to be rational, I have to agree that it^s a brilliant idea.  
But the useless bubbling puddle reminds me that there is nothing rational about being near to Roger again, even if the times we had to share hotel rooms are long over.  
Ah, fuck !  
I hate it to be so confused!  
*“Once. Just once. Long long time ago“*  
It could be a lie, but I know it isn^t.   
I know it^s the truth.  
I have been the first. I have been the ONLY ONE.  
The only one.   
How can I even THINK about a reuinion?

*Well, Rhodes, you are not the ONLY ONE who matters here. Stop being such a bloody whiner and be the fuck RATIONAL about it! *  
„Excuse me, is this the house of the LeBon^s ? » A man comes down the driveway, smiling nervously.  
« And who wants to know that ? » I ask. Some crazy fan maybe, you never know.  
« Oh, sorry ! » he reaches out a hand « Taylor. Damian Taylor »  
« No way ! » I blurt before I break out into hysterical laugher.

*His name is Taylor!!! That fucking blonde bitch is a Taylor, I am going to DIE!*

„ Sorry. So sorry.“ I gasp between laughters. „It^s just…“  
„I know“ he grins „ It’s kinda awkward. But hey, if we^d ever be allowed to marry, there^s no fight about names, huh?“  
The laughter dies in my throat and what comes out instead sounds like someone is trying to suffocate me. It even feels like that.  
„Sorry again, I^m Nick and you have found the Lebon-house“  
„Ah“ he sighs, looking at the front door as if it would be the entry to a dragon cave or something.  
„Not feeling well?“ I ask.  
„I^m so not into that whole celebrity-thing. I didn^t even know that Roger was in a band , can you imagine that? Uh…I need a fag before going in.“

How the hell could that happen? Me standing in the frontyard and having a fag with the blonde bitch?  
And it isn’t only that.  
I LIKE him. Despite the fact that he’s with the man I^m in love with since 1978, I fucking LIKE him!

Since I seem to be in some kind of masochistic mode, I want to know „ How did you two meet each other?“  
„Oh, it was when they have bought that house, Roger and… Gio. 1987, shortly after James‘ birth…“  
„You are…together…since 1987?“ That can’t be !  
« Hell, no » Damian laughs. « I was their gardener »  
„ Ah. Long way from gardener to lover, I guess?“  
„ Long and stony, I tell you. For me it was love at first sight , though. He was…he IS…“  
God, this man loves Roger. He loves him from the bottom of his heart. Would be easier to hate him if he^s be the fucking blonde bitch, but he^s NICE.   
„Fucking gorgeous?“ I suggest.  
„Ooooh yes. He told me it means a lot to him to be here tonight, and if the man I love says that something means a lot to him, I should be by his side, huh? I mean..those models and pop stars and such, they are only human, aren^t they?“ he says

„ They indeed are. Hook in when you are ready“  
He does hook in.

Only when we enter the living room I realize how fucking strange this is. How sick!  
Roger^s lover hooked in my arm. It^s almost perverted, isn’t it?

„ I have found yet another Taylor outside“ I announce.  
Roger turns and I swear, for a split second I can see exactly that thought written all over his face. How strange, How sick. Almost perverted.  
Nothing could have prepared me for what happens next, even if I should have known. I really should have known.  
They kiss. Of course they do, they are a fucking COUPLE!  
But I am not prepared for what it does to me, seeing Roger kissing another man.  
It hurts. God, it hurts. I can^t breathe. IT HURTS !   
I head back into the hallway , grabbing my coat from the wardrobe and do what I should have done hours ago. I run.


	4. Please please tell me now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger and Nick have to talk

Japan, 1981  
I don^t ask why he knows.  
I don^t want to KNOW why he knows.  
He wants me to fuck him and this is all what matters  
We step out of the cabin and I rub him dry before he returns the favour.  
Not speaking a word, we go back into the bedroom. Roger mixes us drinks again, his back to me, and I enjoy that sight so very much, I enjoy it even more when he turns. He sits beside me and I take the plastic cup from his hand.  
„Cheers“ Roger smiles and flings his arm around my waist. „Nicky?“  
„Yes, baby?“

 

*Baby?Who would call a 21year old gorgeous man BABY?“

„Do we need…I mean….something…something to lube me?“  
„Yes, we do. And we have. I have.“ I can^t wait any longer. « Lie down on your back »  
He does as being told without hesitation and I stuff a pillow under his hips.   
« Comfortable enough ? » I want to know .  
That gorgeous man just nods and his face as he realizes how I will lube him is so fucking adorable.  
This time he gives all in and there is not the smallest hint of panic in his moans as I lick his pucker again. He buries his hands in my hair and goes blasphemic again.  
„God, Oooh God“  
I`m not religious, but right now I truely believe that there actually IS a god, and god seems to love me.  
To taste Roger, to smell him, to feel him is definetly heaven.  
My tongue dives in and it isn^t * god* he calls out for now. It’s me.  
« Nick….Nick ! Oh yes ! Don^t stop that, oh please, don^t stop that“  
he pulls at my hair almost painfully and buckles his hips.  
Oh god…he is so incredibly BEAUTIFUL, as wanton as he is, so utterly unashamed of his lust  
« I have to stop now Roger. Because if I don^t fuck you right now, I^ll die. »   
His head comes up when I spit into my palm .  
« Let me do that » he says hoarsely , grabs my hips and..

*What ?*

...has me kneel over him, over his chest, legs spread with my knees beside his body.  
I almost explode as his tongue runs over my shaft and then…

*My cock is in Roger’s mouth.Roger is sucking my cock ! Oh…my…fucking …god !*

„Roger…Roger…Roger...“ I moan

Dear god, he is a natural talent!

He tilts is head back as I have to pull out before I^d spill my load.

« You look exactly like in the planet earth video right now..and I tell you, I love it ! » I pant

 

London. Dec 31, 1999

« But I want to go to to the party » Tatjana pouts « Everyone goes to the party ! »  
« I dont care what everyone does, Tatjana Rhodes. You are not going. Period. »  
„I hate you!“ she screams and rushes off into her room, slamming the door behind her.  
The pleasures of parenthood. Don^t you just love them?

It is ten days after Charlie^s so called reunion party and I have tried to be rational about the subject.

The idea of a reunion is brilliant and I^m pretty sure it would be a huge success.

I still have no clue how to deal with Roger, of course.

I should stop lying to him. I should stop lying to EVERYONE about my feelings.

The phone rings and I know it^s Tara. Well, that^s a start.I^ll tell her that I don^t love her.  
„Tara“ I speak into the phone  
„Sorry to say that it’s not Tara“  
Roger????  
„What a surprise. You haven’t call me for about what ? 15 years ? »  
« Could be ! » he laughs.  
« So why are you calling NOW ? » I wonder.  
„Simon told me that you have Tatjana over new year^s eve. I^m in London with the kids.in Barnes, at Gio^s. If you don^t have other plans yet, you two are invited to come over. »  
« You know what ? Take the kids and come over here. I still don’t have a driving license, but I have plenty of space for you. It^s a penthouse and we could watch the fireworks at midnight. »

« Hold on » Roger says and I hear him asking « Hey, do you want to watch the fireworks in central London? »  
I have to cover my ears from the enthusiastic screams.  
« Oh well » Roger’s voice again. « You have made a lot people happy today. What time ? »  
« Nine ? » I suggest.  
« Great. I^ll bring snacks. Anything else ? »  
„ What do you want to drink ? I have Champagne , Merlot and Whisky, that^s it for the alcoholic stuff. Cola and some juices for the kids. »  
« That^s fine. Since when you are drinking Cola ? »he asks and for some reason it makes me smile that he still knows this little detail.  
« I don^t. Tatji does. » 

 

It^s exactly nine as the doorbell rings and I^m pretty nervous about meeting his children.  
Yeah, about meeting HIM, too, I admit and I wonder not for the first time since his call why he has called at all.

The elevator doors open and a little boy bounces out who can only be called *Mini-Roger.*, followed by a teen-Roger, a nine year old version of Giovanna and finally *recent Roger*.  
Well, recent Roger looks as handsome as ever.  
« Wooooaaah, coooool ! » the littlest clone beams. « like on TV ! Hi, I^m Elliot ! »  
« It^s very nice meeting you, Elliot. I^m Nick. »  
« Jay » the teen shakes my hand and it^s almost spooky how much he looks like his dad.  
How much he looks like the 1978-version of his dad.  
„Ellea“  
Now that the girl stands directly before me, she doesn^t look like a younger version of her mother. She looks like the perfect fusion of Gio and Rog. „ Hey Ellea. That^s one pretty name. I never heard it before.“  
„It^s italian. My mom is italian.“ 

„Hi. I^m Roger. It^s english. My mum is english“ her dad grins and the girl giggles.  
„Hi Roger. I^m Nicholas“ I play along.  
« My, that^s too long. I^ll call you Nicky. » Roger winks  
« I won^t do that » Tatjana, who obviously has decided to come out of her room, chuckles. « He hates to be called Nicky. I^m Tatjana. Tatji. »  
I don^t know why, but for some reason I am utterly touched when they shake hands, my daughter and Roger.  
I guide them all into the living room.  
„ How cool is that!“ James blurts and his little brother has his nose flat at the panorama window yet.  
„What^s that?“ Jay pointed at the arcade game beside my Keybords.  
Roger grins broadly as he says « That, my dear son, is called Galaga, and it doesn^t surprise me to find it in the home of the world^s most obsessive Galaga player ever ! »  
« Tatji is better than I » I laugh. „ Who want^s to drink what?“

Soon we all sit around the table with drinks and snacks.  
Ellea beams at me as she says « You know what? I^m learning to play keyboards.Dad says you are the best keybord player in the world ! Oh, and I like your eyeliner!“  
„Thank you very much, young lady“ I bow deeply  
„ I^ll be a drummer like dad. And dad is the best drummer in the world, hmhm.“ Bonsai-Roger crawls into the lab of the world^s best drummer and kisses him heartily.  
That^s when my heart becomes a useless puddle yet again. They are so near to each other. I don^t know what it is but there seems to be a very strong bound between Roger and his children.  
„Yeah, Elliot Dante, you^ll be better than I. Ok, now we have Ellea on keyboards, Elliot on drums and Jay on guitar. You^re not playing bass, Tatji , are you ? »  
« Nope. But I could be the singer. I^m a pretty good singer ! »  
« Hey Nick, do you have a guitar ? We could jam a bit. »   
« I have, Mister James Taylor. But I^m sorry to say that I don^t have a drumkit »  
« Let^s improvise You surely have some pans, Nicky, huh ? » Roger is already on his feet.  
My, this man really does look stunning in jeans.

We are in the middle of a Galaga-tournament when Tatji and I store away the *improdrums*in the kitchen and fill the dishwasher. The new millennium begins in 30 minutes.  
„I like them“ my daughter smiles.  
„Me too. Seems you^re not mad at me any more.“ I wink at her.  
« No.I^m having fun. You like Roger very much, don^t you?“   
Well, yeah, I definetly do like Roger very much, so I simply nod.  
„And he’s gay?“ she grins.  
„Yes, Tatjana, he is. Is there something you want to tell me with this cheesy grin of your’s?“  
„It’s just that you have to like him very VERY much. He always calls you Nicky and you haven^t killed him yet. Maybe there is something YOU want to tell ME, dad“ with that, she rushes off, leaving me speachless.  
Cigarette. I need a cigarette.And whisky would be fine.

Japan, 1981

„Do it, Nicky“ he pleads. « I want it »  
My heart is pounding like mad as I kneel between his legs. Roger^s eyes are fixed at mine and he never breaks eye contact. Not when I push two fingers in his mouth to wet them. Not when I slowly work him open with those fingers. Not even when he screams of pain as I enter him.  
It^s me who closes his eyes once I am fully into his tight virgin ass. I don’t move. Neither does he.We breathe together in perfect synchrony. My hand is placed on his chest, feeling his heartbeat and when he presses his palm against MY chest to feel mine, I whisper „I love you, Roger Taylor“ Only when I hear him say „ And I love you, my sweet Nicky“ my eyes fly wide open and I pull out almost completly to impale him, to make him scream, to be one with him. I fuck him hard and deep, hitting his sweet spot with every thrust and yes, he screams. He screams my name.   
We do it 4 times that night.  
It^s August 1981. I’m 19 years old.   
Roger is 21  
I know that there’s no future for us.   
I also know that hearts make funny noises when they break.

London, December 31, 1999

„Can I help you with something?“ Roger stands in the doorway, smiling at me. „It’s almost midnight“  
„Oh. Dang. I was lost in thoughts, obviously. Sorry. Is James allowed to have a sip of champagne for this special occasion?“  
« It won’t hurt, I think. Thanks for having us, by the way“  
„Well, thanks for calling me. That was quite a surprise. I still wonder why you did, to be honest“   
„We have to talk, Nicky.“  
Is it me or is his voice trembling just a wee bit?  
« About ? » Hell. Why is my heart pounding like mad ?  
« About everything. »  
« My, Roger, you are indeed very cryptic these days, aren^t you ? »  
« I promise that I^ll be very clear once the kids are in bed. Let^s fill the glasses, we^ll miss midnight.“

It’s 3 in the morning when we finally are alone and we sit on the couch, drinking whisky.  
There^s a notable tension in the room and my heart is pounding like mad yet again. It feels like being in the calm center of a hurricane and hell could break loose at any minute.  
„I didn^t tell you the truth when I called“ Roger starts. „We weren^t at Gio^s. There actually is no *Gio^s* any more in London.I still have the house, though. She lives in Naples now. She lives in Naples since Elliot was one month old. She has left us, Nicky. She left us for another man not even a fucking month after he was born. He wasn^t planned, you know, Elliot. The first 2 years were…horrible. Ellea cried herself to sleep almost every night and James…he…he was on medication for a while because his way to deal with it was pure agression. We have been to hell and back, I tell you. She never even called. Now I know that it was about depression. The so called baby blues. Since last year…`98, I mean, Ellea and Giovanna are in contact again. James still refuses to talk to her and I don’t know if it^d be good for Elliot to have any contact…we^ll see »  
„Roger..“ I say helplessly. I don’t know what I have expected, but this….  
« It^s ok, Nicky, we are pretty fine by now. I ..I just wanted to let you know that it wasn^t me who left her…for a man. Since this article everyone thinks that I did and if you ask me, it sounds better than the truth. My children know what really happened, and I don’t give a fuck about other people’s opinions, but YOU should know. See, I think it^s time to start over new. I think a Duran Duran-reunion would be fantastic, but…oh god, Nicky…I can’t go through this again. I can^t be near you again every fucking day , lying to myself and everyone else. I want you to be completely honest with me, Nick. Do you still have feelings for me or am I just misreading the signs ?“  
A very familiar train hits me full force and I can^t speak. I can^t even breathe. Roger waits patiently, arms crossed, his dark eyes fixed at me.  
„What about Damian?“ I whisper after minutes of silence.  
„ There^s no Damian any more. He threw me out the day after Charlie^s party. I told him about Japan »  
I don^t get it. I so don^t get it. I^m all brain dead.  
„He threw you out because we..because of… »  
« He threw me out because…I got really drunk at Simon^s, Nick. I tried to deny what it did to me…seeing you again. I tried very very hard. I never wanted to hurt Damian. I know he loves me, and I thought ..I thought I would love him. When we ..we were in the hotel at 4 in the morning and I..we wanted to have sex. He wanted, at least. I couldn’t get hard. I told him it must be the alcohol. So he…he topped me. And obviously that wasn^t such a very good idea, since it somehow beamed me back to 1981 and I was screaming your name when I came. I was nearly as shocked as he was. We talked for hours.I told him everything. And while I did, I realized that…he was a groupie, Nick. Gio was gone and I was so lonely. I lived for the kids and the only adults in my life were my parents, my brother and this gardener who obviously had a crush on me. I was an asshole, Nicky. I have to start over. I want to be back in Duran but it can only work with you by my side. With you as my partner. My lover. Openly and exclusive. No lies. No hiding. And surely no models or it- girls. All or nothing. So would you please tell me, Nicky : Do you still have feelings for me ? »  
I try to fill my lungs, what is not easy with a fucking train over my chest. All or nothing.  
No lies. No more lies.  
All of a sudden the train is gone and oddly enough I have to smile broadly.  
Holding him with my gaze I say:  
„I `m in love with you since I was 16. I have missed you every fucking day of my messed up life. It almost killed me when you have married Gio. I wanted to die as you left the band. But the worst thing ever was to read this article. To read that you are with a man. A man who isn’t me. No, wait, the worst thing ever was to see you kissing a man who isn’t me. Yes, I still have feelings for you and yes, I want you back. By all means.“


	5. (Save it to) The morning after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new millennium starts very well for Nick and Roger

I can^t breathe.Uff. My neck hurts.  
„Wake uuuuup“ someone giggles into my ear.  
« What… ? »  
There^s a Bonsai-Roger sitting on my chest. With the sight of Bonsai-Roger comes the memory and I smile broadly at the boy.  
« A very good morning to you, Elliot. »  
„Morning Nickyyyy“  
I laugh. I laugh so hard I cry and Elliot, the three year old Roger-clone ,laughs with me, even if he has no clue why I^m almost dying here.  
« Are you hungry ? » he asks as I finally manage to sit up. Looks like I have fallen asleep on the couch, huh ? That explains my hurting neck.  
„I^m starving, actually.“ I grin.  
He bounces off the couch, reachs out a tiny hand and says: „ Come, Nicky.“, pulling me with him towards the kitchen.  
They all sit at the table, laughing like mad.Ellea in Tatji^s lab, James on the left and Roger on her right and I wish I could capture this in a picture.  
„Hi dad!“ Tatjana beams as she notices me. « I^m showing them the Rum runner-album. »  
Roger looks up from the photos, a bright beautiful smile in his face and I make a helpless noise as realize that last night really happened.That it^s REAL.  
After all this time of denying, hurting and longing.   
Now what?  
We have talked all night long. Me on one side of the couch, Roger on the other, carefully avoiding to touch each other, even though every glance and every word has been full of desire to finally FEEL us again.  
And that^s the point. We both have been pretty aware of all the kids around and the knowlege that, if we^d start kissing, if we would have touched us for the first time in 19 fucking years, we won^t be able to stop.  
But here and now, with a Bonsai-him still holding my hand and his daughter sitting in the lab of mine, with a grinning James and that bright beautiful smile in his face, I am so utterly overwhelmed that the need to touch him becomes unbearable.  
„We were cool as f…we were pretty cool, Nicky, huh?“ he beams and god, is he sexy.  
„We were. We still are. We will always be.“ I say quietly.  
„Yeah. Now we will always be“ Roger nods and the whole world disappears as I drown in the dephts of dark mahogany.  
„I^m staaaaaarving!“Elliot tugs at my hand impatently and I let out a shivering breath.  
„Yeah, sorry, you poor thing! It smells pretty good in here, I have to say!“  
„Taji and James have made french toasts“ the boy let go of my hand, climbs in his father^s lab and glances at the photo album „ Who^s that?“  
An icy hand runs down my spine when Tatjana answers. „That^s your mum, Elliot. »  
« My mom had no hair ? » he wonders. Obviously it^s a picture of Gio^s bald phase.  
« She surely has hair now, hasn^t she ? »Tatji laughs   
« I dunno » Elliot shrugs.  
« You.. » she starts and I blurt « Tatjana Lee Orchid , a word » I rush out off the kitchen, hoping that she^d follow me. I only use her full name if there is something very important.  
„Your room“ I say quietly as she appears.  
Sitting on her bed, I close my eyes and take a deep breath.  
„Tatjana…he doesn’t know his mother. She left when he was a little baby.“  
„But I read that Roger left..because of this man. It was in the press…“  
„ Yeah, Tatji, I know .It^s not true. Giovanna was the one leaving and she was long gone when Roger…when he…he didn^t left his family for this man“  
„What kind of mother leaves her children?“ Tatji is all shocked.  
„It wasn^t her fault. She was …she was ill“  
God, I can^t believe that I^m defending Giovanna here!  
Of all people her.

 

Naples, July 27, 1984

It’s a nice day to start again  
It^s a nice day for a white wedding  
It’s a nice day to start again

 

«Shut the fuck up » I yell, but Billy Idol doesn^t care.  
It^s a sunny day in Naples, Italy.  
Not even 8 in the morning , but it’s already hot and I^m already drunk.  
Drunk of vodka and orange juice out of a cheap plastic cup.  
« To the groom ! « I finish another cup.  
Isn^t that bloody pathetic ?  
The hotel is packed with wedding guests and press, as at this wonderful sunny day, Roger Taylor is going to marry his long term italian girlfriend Giovanna Cantone.  
Congratulations!  
Even my parents are here. Mum has sort of adopted all my band mates and she is all happy for the couple. If she would knew…

„Nick?“ There^s a short knock at the door and for a moment I think it^s him.  
He is here to tearfully confessing his undying love to me and we would live happily ever after.  
But it isn^t him, of course. It^s Nigel.  
« Nick ! What the hell ? Are you drunk?“  
„ Slightly“ I slurr.  
„Slightly my arse, Nicholas! We have to leave in an hour and you look like a bloody dosser! Are you nuts? Go have a shower. I^ll bring coffee.“  
I have no clue how we have made it to the church. I have no clue how I have made it back into the hotel.  
All I see is that somehow familiar face in front of me, a young beautiful woman who holds my shaking body.  
„Ssssh“ the soothes „ it^s ok. It^s ok, Nicky!“  
„Don^t… call…me…Nicky“ I sob.  
« Drink that, will you ? You have to drink that“  
Blind with tears I stumble into the bathroom to vomit my brain out.  
„Better?“ the woman smiles at me when I enter the room again. She sits on my bed, holding out a coffee mug.  
« Better. Thanks. » I sit beside her, taking the mug and there^s an awkward silence while I sip the strong brew.  
„Who are you again?“ I ask finally.  
« Yasmin. You scared me to no end, you know ? I was thinking about calling the ambulance. »  
« Well thanks very much that you haven^t“ I murmur. „I^ll be fine“  
„ I ..well, I know we are almost strangers, but if you want to talk, I^m here. If you don^t want to talk, I^m still here. I won^t leave you alone.“ Her slender hand rests slightly at my thight.  
„Why are you doing this, Yasmin? «   
« Because I know a broken heart when I see one. Is it the bride? Giovanna?“  
„No.“ I say quietly. „It^s the groom“  
„Oh“   
„Yeah, oh“ We look at each other and for some reason we both laugh.  
„Understandable, if you ask me. A pretty handsome groom that is. And you know what ? I don^t like Giovanna. I actually think that Giovanna is an arrogant bitch. »  
« Nice try, Yasmin. But she isn^t. She is smart and beautiful and she^s perfect for him.“ While the handsome groom and his beautiful wife are celebrating their wedding on a boat packed with guests I sit here with Yasmin Parvaneh, an upcoming supermodel who^s recently dating Simon LeBon, not official enough yet to attend the wedding of the year with the groom^s best man, telling her everything.

London, january 1, 2000  
If I have thought the first day of the new millennium can’t get any more emotional as it starts, I^m utterly wrong.  
Last night we have decided to take it slow, so that the kids can get used to the new situation, but in fact, that never works .Not even the slightest bit.

They are still going through the album when we come back in and Roger winks at me to let me know that everything is fine.  
„Those toasts are delicious!. Thanks, Tatji and James » I rub my filled stomach. „How^s it? Are you folks in for another round of Galaga?“  
„I want to see more Duran-stuff! I somehow never have noticed that you were THAT famous!“ says James and Tatji is all in.  
„Do you want to watch the video collection, Jay?“   
« Yeah, cool »  
So we moved into the living room and my daughter starts rhe DVD-player.  
BAAAAAM! Oh hello you bloody train, I have almost missed you!  
This planet earth intro is obviously still killing me and for a few seconds I am in a hotel room in Japan, it^s 1981 and my cock is in Roger^s mouth.  
Our eyes meet and I know he^s with me. His tongue darts out to lick his upper lip and I wonder if it^s out of a nervous manner or an extremely hot flirt.  
My blood leaves my brain for more southern regions, What is indeed very very unpleasant when you are surounded by kids.  
It was Elliot who’s saving me from making a complete fool of myself.  
« Your hair is ORANGE, Nickyyyy ! You look like a dust mob »  
«Elliot Dante` » Roger fails badly at *strict dad-mode* as he howls with laughter.  
« Ah ! Roger Andrew Taylor ! You think I look like a dust mop ? »  
« Indeed ! You indeed look like an orange dust mop there !“  
„In fact, you are all looking pretty…weird“ Ellea grins. „ Only dad looks normal“  
„It^s our first music video. It will get better » I promise.  
For me, of course, there is nothing better than this intro…  
„MTV had just started then, huh?“ James wants to know  
„Yeah. And I^m proud to say that we were a part of the revolution“ I nod.  
„Wow! I bet you had a lot of girls running after you! And boys, in some cases“ Jay grins at his dad.  
„Uh, yeah, it was terrible. Often enough we were trapped in..“ Roger stops as he visibly swallows. « er…trapped in hotel rooms because of the screaming masses in front of the hotel »  
„And?“ his son winks „ Did you ever take one of them INTO your hotel room?“  
„Some of us surely did“ Roger says vaguely.  
« And what about you, dad ? » Jay grins broadly.  
« IF I did, do you think I would tell YOU ? »  
« So you did ! » the teenage Roger blurts triumphantly.  
„Believe it or not, my dear son, I^m an utterly boring late developer who thinks that sex has to be more than just…sex . In my entire life i^ve been with 3 people. One of them was your mother. Boring, huh?“  
Three people?  
Giovanna.  
Damian.  
ME!  
There^s a useless puddle bubbling helplessly.  
« Sorry » Jay mutters  
« Nevermind. It^s ok . You know, your mum is a catholic italian… «   
« So you…got married first before you… ? » Tatjana can’t hide her curiousity.  
« No. It was ok once we got engaged“  
My head swims, the puddle boiled and I croak:  
„You got engaged in 1983“  
„Yeah, exactly. That was a party, huh?“ he grins.  
„Aaaaw.That^s cute.“ Tatji says. « So she was the first And the only one. Since you^re with a man now“  
„She was the first woman, yeah, and the only one. I^m not with this man any more, by the way.“  
Tatjana leans back, arms crossed „ I KNEW it!“  
„You knew what?“ Roger wonders.  
„OH!“ James blurts and he looks back and forth between Roger and me.  
I know it^s all written in my face. Three people.   
And I was the first. Not only the first man. The first.  
We are trapped. Not by a screaming mass of fans.  
We are trapped by two very smart teens. Two very smart and empathic teens.  
Roger still doesn^t get it, though.  
Of course. He hasn^t seen the knowing grin Tatji has given me last evening. Last year, so to speak.  
„Ellea“ Jay says . „Ellea, take Elliot and leave us alone for a minute, yeah?“   
Much to my surprise Ellea takes the hand of her little brother and they leave.  
My, are we trapped.  
„I knew it¨“ Tatjana repeats. „ I knew it when you called dad Nicky and he lit up like a f…like a christmas tree!“  
„Er…if I have been cryptic the other day, Nicky, what^s your daughter then?“Well, Roger is indeed slow on the uptake, isn’t he?  
„Nick is number 3“ James grins and Roger finally gets it.  
„Actually Nick is number one.“ He says quietly.  
I have him in my arms in no time and two very smart, very empathic teens are respectfully leaving the room.  
Not without giggling like mad, though.

„Well, that^s it about taking it slow, I guess“ he sighs against my shoulder  
„Number one, Roger? You should have told me!“  
«I did ! Sort of »  
« I thought that was about sex with a man ! »  
„Why is it such a big deal for you, Nicky? You knew you were the first man. Now you know that you were…well…the first. What^s the difference?“  
„I don^t know. You seemed to be…experienced.“  
„I assure you, the only very experienced part of me back then was my right hand.“  
„Oh? I have been told that you need two hands!“ I grin  
And then we kiss. For the first time in almost 19 years my lips are touching his, and he doesn’t hesitate to let me in, to let my tongue explore the sweet warm wetness of his mouth. 

„We have to talk to you“ Roger says when we rejoyned the kids in the kitchen.  
„Jay, Ellea, Elliot…I have already told you that we are not going back to Gloustershire. To Damian. I^m really sorry that I… that it was such a fast desicion. We^ll stay in London. Which means, that you, Jay and Ellea, have to change schools. Again, i^m sorry. I never wanted to stress you or something, but…well, there is no other way.We^ll stay at the house in Barnes for now, is that ok with you?“  
„Why can^t we stay here?“ Ellea wants to know.  
„it^s a bit complicated, Ellea. See, Nick and I, when we were in the band together…we fell in love. But we were so young and we were afraid because…back then, it was way harder to …show everyone that you^re in love with a man. I am glad about that, because …if we would have been brave enough, there would be no Tatjana, no James, no Ellea and no Elliot. I hope you know that I never ever , not for a single minute, had any regrets about your existence! Nick and I have met again last month at a party, after many many years, and we have found out that we are still in love and that we are now old and brave enough to show it. The thing is, by now everyone knows that I am gay, but no one knows that Nick is. So, before we can make it official, Nick has to come out.We don^t want to rush things. We haven^t been around each other for a long time and we need to know each other again first.What do you think?“


	6. Friends of mine/ we are family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger and Nick have their coming out as a couple and the reunion is going to happen

London, January 10, 2000.  
School break is over.  
James and Ellea have successfully survived the first days at their new school and it^s a bless that Tatjana is with them. It makes me happy to no end to see how very well the kids are getting along with each other and today we^ll take another big step forwards. I will tell my parents.  
The talk with Tara a week ago has been horrible, but I^m all relieved.  
Roger is at his parents^ right now to spread the word to his family and all kids are staying at my place.  
Elliot bounces like a rubber ball when the doorbell rings, keeping his eyes on the elevator doors.  
He is ever so fascinated by this elevator for some reason and his pure joy about such a simple thing always makes me laugh.  
Once our families will know, we want to have a party for the band and their families to tell them that we are all in for the reunion and that we already had a much more private one.  
Most of all people from Duran Duran I was looking forward to tell Yasmin. The one who has been there for me at one of the darkest days in my life.  
PLING.  
The doors open and a beaming Bonsai-Roger is welcoming the guests.  
„Huh-loooo“  
„Oh hello dear!“ Mum smiles. „Who is this little man?“  
„I am Elliot Dante Taylor. And you?“  
„Nice to meet you, Elliot Dante Taylor. My name is Sylvia and this is my husband Roger »  
„Like my daaaad!“  
„Hey“ I smile, kissing my mom and embracing dad. „Good to see you!“  
„My god!“ mum chuckles „ He looks exactly like his dad!“  
„Oh yes, and you don^t know the half of it yet.“ I grin and shout „ Tatji, James, Ellea. »  
« What^s that ? An invasion ? » my dad laughs as the three are coming out of Tatji^s room.‘  
« Sort of » I smile.  
« With no doubt you have to be Elliot^s brother » mum says as she shakes James^ hand and when she turns to Ellea, she gasps « Goodness, young lady ! «  
I can^t stop grinning as Tatji smooches her grandparents heartily and says : » My new siblings »  
« That^s quite a surprise. » dad says when we are sitting in the living room. « I didn^t even now that Roger and you are in contact again ! It^s been years. Last time I^ve seen him was at his wedding. When was it, 1984? Time is running so fast. How’s…what was her name again?“  
„Giovanna, Rodge.“ Mum remembers. „Must have been quite a shock for her when he left.“  
Dang! I have to talk to Roger about that. Maybe he doesn’t give a fuck, but it kind of annoys me that everyone thinks he^s the bad guy.  
« He left ? « dad wonders  
« Jeez, Rodge ! Haven^t you read it? It was in the magazines a while ago! He is living in Gloustershire. With a MAN!“  
„Er..no. He^s actually not living in Gloustershire“ I say.  
Here we go.  
I tell them everything…well, ALMOST everything, from 1978 to 2000. From Roger^s wedding to Charlie^s party and the beginning of the millennium. They never interupt me.  
„I always have thought that it^s some kind of…denial, that you changed your girlfriends like underwear.“ Mum says when I have ended and reaches for my hand.  
„Yeah, maybe it was“  
The door flings open and Elliot jumps straight into my lab.  
„Oof, Bonsai!“  
„Nickyyyy! Can we order pizza? You said we will have pizza today!“ he turns to my parents  
„ Do you like pizza?“  
„Who on earth would not like pizza?“mum laughs, ruffling his hair.  
„An idiot, maybe?“ Elliot suggests and we all have to laugh.  
„Bonsai, go tell the others to chose what pizza they want, yeah?“  
„Ni-cho-laaas, can I have Cola with the pizza? Puh-leeze ! »  
„You know that your dad doesn^t want you to drink cola, Elliot Dante‘“  
„Hm-hm“ he nods. And then he cups my cheeks with his tiny hands and whispers. „Buuuut…he doesn^t have to know!“  
Mom and dad almost die laughing.

London, January 15, 2000.  
„Bye!“ Tatji smooches me, waiting for the elevator doors to slide open.  
It^s the day of the party for our bandmates and their families.  
My daughter bumped into my lover when she enters the elevator without watching.  
„Good morning, other dad. Good bye, other dad. I have to rush!“  
„Have a nice day, other daughter“Roger laughs  
„Good morning. What a wonderful surprise! I thought you wanted to go to Gloustershire today ! » I pull him close for a kiss.  
« Great news ! The house is already sold. Taaadaaa ! « he beams and kisses me yet again  
« Wow. So soon. So no more meetings with the broker ! »  
„No. And no more ghosts of the past. I know, it^s not even 8 and it^s utterly decadent, but I thought we should drink to that.I brought champagne.“  
We sit in the living room, sipping champagne and sharing little kisses when Roger suddenly pulls back.  
„Nicky“ he says quietly. „We are alone. No kids around »  
Slowly he sets his glass on the table. His eyes are darting into mine as he starts to unbotton my shirt.  
I can’t move. I can only stare back into the so well known and so long missed brown.  
He pushes the fabric off of my shoulders and his gaze wanders over my chest, followed by his rough hands. „ I wanna savour you, Nick. I wanna savour every inch of you“ His thumbs rub over my hard nipples and then there^s his tongue..  
My eyes fall close and I bury my hands in his hair as he kisses and licks down my torso . I chuckle when the tip of his tongue teases my navel and feel the rumble of his quiet laugh in his chest. The noise when he pulls the zipper of my pants open makes me moan. His tongue glides down the whole lenght of my throbbing cock in one swift sweet wet move and he sucks my balls into his wonderful mouth.  
I see stars.  
Never letting go of my balls in his velvet wetness he pumps my hardness in a slow steady rhythm and I^m already dripping with precum.  
« Roger » I pant. «Roger! STOP ! »  
« I am sorry, my sweet sweet Nicky. » he growls, looking me straight in the eyes. „But nothing in the world can stop me from doing what I wanted to do for decades. I will make you cum right now and I will happily swallow every single drop“  
That alone makes me come hard and I pump into his mouth almost violently to make sure that he gets what he wants.  
Once my breathing is back to normal I pull him up, his taught body a wonderful familiar weight on mine, and grin: „ That screams for revenge, man!“  
„Uh, yes please, I can^t wait!“ he says hoarsely.  
« No worries, you don^t have to. Now do me a favour and pull that shirt off, yeah ? »  
« Oh, I will pull off everything, I assure you!“  
It^s so easy! It^s so easy and so fucking NATURAL! There^s no shame and no doubt , there^s nothing but the actual want to touch and feel each other in every possible way.  
The drummer of my dreams stands up and I gasp when he pulls his shirt off.  
With no doubt the 21year-old Roger was a very sexy handsome man, but the almost 40year old Roger is fucking sex on legs!  
He has gained chest hair. He has gained muscles. Goodness, he has a bloody SIXPACK.  
„My dear Roger, I have to say that this sight alone is well worth all the years of waiting!“  
„Really? And you haven^t seen the half of it yet!“ With a mischievous grin he pulls his zipper down and then he^s naked, right in front of me.  
„Roger , you know what? Many years ago I wanted to fuck your brain out right in a shower. I think I will do it know!“  
The room is filled with steam as almost too hot water runs down our naked bodies and we are kissing as if there‚s no tomorrow. But there IS a tomorrow.There^s a whole fucking LIFE !  
My finger finds his puckered entrance and I push in. Oddly enough I feel tears running down my face as I do.  
When I meet his gaze I see that he^s crying, too.  
„I have missed that. I have missed that so much!“ he whispers.  
I fuck him, hard and deep. Hitting his sweet spot with every thrust and we scream and we cry and we are one.We are one.  
„You can stay in here, you know, with the kids.“ I say.  
We have moved to the bed and my head rests on his broad chest, my fingers playing with the hair he has gained there. I feel wonderfully exhausted. There^s nothing better than this warm fuzzy feeling after sex. After mindblowingly fucking good sex.  
„Don^t you think that^s…I dunno…too soon? What if it^s too much for the kids?“  
„We^ll never know if we won^t try. Let^s talk to them, at least.“  
PLING.  
The familiar sound of the elevator doors.  
Oh well, looks like we^ll have this talk sooner than I have thought.  
We obviously have totally lost track of time.  
« Bedroom » I shout.  
We are covered, aren^t we? And there^s nothing bad about Tatjana seeing us in one bed together.  
The door flings open.  
„Oh! Well, I think, I^m not your favorite of all Taylors any more, heh?“  
My best friend, Nigel John Taylor, my brother from another mother, who is the happy owner of a key to my flat, looks all the way puzzled. So does his wife Gela, who stands right behind.  
„I^m afraid not. Will you give us a minute?“  
« Oh sure…I^ll probably need one or two minutes myself to let THIS settle into my brain. » he grins.  
« I thought that you would at least have told John about us » Roger wonders as we get dressed again.  
« The only person I have ever told about us back then is Yasmin. At your wedding, by the way. Long story“  
„Have you been so ashamed that you couldn^t even tell your best friend about us?“ he tries to sound casual, but I hear the hurt in his voice.  
„Roger!“ I cup his cheeks with my hands. „ It wasn^t about shame. I…I wanted to …I wanted it to be mine. Only mine. My very own secret. And I can^t tell you how utterly utterly HAPPY I am that^it^s not a hurting locked up secret any more! I have planned it different when it comes to John. I wanted to talk to him before the party, that^s why he^s here. It^s just that the drummer I^m in love with showed up unexpected and made me forget about that“  
Gela and John are in the kitchen, arranging sandwiches on a plate.  
„Hey!“ I heartily embrace the tall bassist.  
« Hey yourself ! Man, am I DYING to hear the story!“ he chuckles. „Where^s Rog?“  
„Roger is driving to the caterer to get the food we have ordered for the party and will pick up his youngest from Kindergarten on his way back. He says that I owe you a talk without him, and he^s probably right. So let me hug your wonderful wife first and I will tell you the story before you die. That would be such a terrible loss“  
Again I ^m telling the whole story to two people who never interupt me. And again, when I have ended, a split second after the PLING, Elliot shots in and jumps in my lab.  
„Nickyyyyy! I^ve been to the aquarium and I saw sharks! Aaaand…“ he stops, grinning broadly as he slips from my lab „Hello John! I am Elliot Dante Taylor!“ He turns to Gela „ I don^t know who you are“  
„My, you are quite a whirlwind, Elliot, hm? I^m Gela ! »  
« Hey Elliot, where do you know my name from ? » JT wonders  
„I saw videos and pics and daddy said that your name is John“  
„ Where^s your daddy by the way, Bonsai?“  
„Unpacking the car. Can I have one?“ he pointed at the sandwiches we haven^t even touched, me too eager to tell the story and John and Gela too eager to listen to it.  
PLING  
Elliot bounces out, totally forgetting about the sandwiches.  
« Bonsai is the official guard of the elevator doors » I chuckle.  
« I see. And Roger obviously isn^t the only Taylor you are in love with » John grins.  
Roger comes in with Elliot hanging on his neck.  
„Stop! Please stop and stay just like that!“ I blurt, glad to have my camera on the table.  
« Er…a we allowed to move now ? » Roger smiles when I have taken a picture. One more of many during the last 2 weeks.  
« No. You are not. Join them, Nicholas ! » JT takes my camera.  
It^s the first pic of us together.  
Seven in the evening and everything is ready for the guests to show up in an hour. The actual plan was that all our kids should stay at the house in Barnes where Roger^s parents would look after them, but Tatji and James both have begged so long that we finally gave in.  
„I^m impressed“ John says quietly. « I mean, not that I have fully grasped it yet, but I^m impressed ! You have really turned into a family, huh ? In such a short time ! »  
« We^ll see how it works once we are living all together, but I^m pretty positive“  
„SCORE!“ Roger yells. Looks like he has beaten Tatji at Galaga yet again.  
„He^s…different…Roger. He was always so quiet and shy.“  
„You don^t get it, John, do you? He actually never was shy. He just could’t stand to be near me. If it was for parties or press conferences or whatever.“

London, July 14, 1985  
It^s the day after BAND AID and I^m still having one hell of a hangover. The gig was crap, and we all know it.  
I try to ignore the doorbell for about 15 minutes now, but whoever rings it is obviously not giving up.  
Ok, then.  
I almost yelp when I open the door.  
It^s Roger. And Roger looks like he had a much harder night than I had.  
It takes me all the willpower I have not to pull him into my arms and hold him.  
His eyes are red with swollen lids, as if he has cried and he is so pale that the dark circles under his eyes look like paint.  
Wordlessly I step back to let him in. I can^t talk. I^m not trusting my voice.  
He leans at the wall, refusing the seat I^m offering.  
„Just a minute. Two minutes, maybe“ his voice sounds as terrible as he looks.  
With his eyes darted to the floor he inhales deeply.  
„I can^t do this any more, Nick. And believe me, I tried. I tried for years, but…I can^t torture myself like that any longer. I thought it would work and for a while it did. I thought, if only I would avoid your presence as much as I can…I…it^s just not fair , Nick ! I have a wife and I love her and it^s not fair that I have to think of …of that night everytime I^m near you. It^s not fair but I can^t change it. I have to leave. Tell the boys they^ll have to find a new drummer »  
Hes eyes are filled with tears when he looks up .  
„ I wish you all the best, Nicky. I will never forget. Sorry for being such a whiner“  
With that, he leaves.  
I stand shockfrozen, staring at the closed door.  
That^s what I wanted, right? I wanted him to never forget this night and it looks like I have reached my goals.  
How comes that I^m not a bit happy about it?

London, January 15, 2000  
« OH !MY ! FUCKING ! GOD ! »Ands blurts.  
James, the substitute for his little brother at the doors tonight, grins broadly, well aware of the effect.  
„Is this freckin elevator a time maschine or what?“  
The guitarist and his wife are the first to arrive, and Nige,Gela, Roger and I can^t stop laughing when they stare at Jay as if he^d be a ghost.  
He wears Jeans and one of his dad^s legendary striped shirts from the early 80^s. Roger^s love for those had been quite contagious, and in many pictures from the early days more than one uf us is wearing them.  
Tatji has the same outfit and her green eyes are framed with heavy eyeliner.  
„Wooooaaa, hi there, James. I had no clue that you^d be here.“  
„Jay, luv!“ Tracey pulls him close.  
It is just then when I realize that Andy…and Tracy…are the only ones who still had contact with Roger during all those years and I start to wonder if they know something.  
„With no doubt this young lady must be Tatjana Rhodes!“ the guitarist smiles.  
Once everyone has greet the couple, I go into the kitchen to open the champagne. Much to my surprise Andy follows right behind.  
„A word, Nick“  
„Sure.“  
„You and Roger, yeah? Finally ? »  
Ok, he obviously knows.  
« Yes, Andy, me and Roger.And hopefully the original Duran again »  
« I tell you something, Rhodes. I was there for him when he left and it maybe surprises you that , when I left, is was for him. I was there when Gio left. I was there when he was so bloody exhausted because he wanted to be the perfect dad for a little baby and two terrified kids. I was there. And Tracey was. YOU weren^t. And I swear by the names of my kids, Nick, if you will fuck this up, I^ll beat the brain out of you. Do you REALLY love him and do you REALLY want to live with those kids? They have been through a lot and they surely dont need any more trouble. »

Maybe I should feel offended, but I don^t. In fact, I^m utterly touched. I had no clue that their friendship is that close and I understand now why Roger was somehow sad that I have never told MY best friend about us.  
« Andy. I assure you, fucking up is no longer on my agenda. It was way too long. I love Roger. I really do! I know I^ve been a coward and a liar. I know. And about the kids…I want to make them happy. I want them to feel at home!“  
The guitarist takes his shades off and his amazingly blue eyes darted into mine.  
„`key. Then I^m in. For the reunion. I have to keep an eye on you, you know?“ he winks. „ Do you have beer? I^m not so much a fan of champagne“  
„There^s beer in the fridge, Help yourself. Andy…I wonder…when we met, at Charlie^s party…you acted like it would be something completely new to you…Roger and…“  
„Damian? No, I said it was weird. And it was. He was. I never liked this man.“  
„Why so?“ I ask,  
„ I can’t really explain it..it’s just,,,I dunno. It was like he wanted to lock Roger away from the rest of the world. As if he would be afraid that someone would steal him away or something.“  
„Well…and this is exactly what happened, isn^t it?“I shrug, feeling a twitch of guilt.

„It^s always been you, Nick. For Roger. It^s always been you. So please don^t mess it up. I want him to be happy. To have peace. He earns it.“

„I couldn^t agree more.“

 

« Nicky ? » Roger appears in the doorway. „The other Andy is here with his wife.“  
„Oh?“ Andy number one wonders . „ He wasn^t at Simon^s, was he?“ 

„No. They^ve been on vacation. But he loves the idea of a reunion . » Roger smiles.  
Andy Hamiltion, the sax player. I really belongs to us.  
Not much later the LeBons show up and shortly after them Raphael and his boyfriend Martin arrive.

„Roger, you precious little bunch of muscles! „ Raffy beams and hugs him heartily.  
Tatji elbows me.  
« He^s flirting with your boyfriend!“  
„He is doing WHAT?“ Charlie^s eyes widen and Tatjana giggles. „Ooops!“  
„He’s flirting with my boyfriend. But i don^t care » I grin . « I know my boyfriend is all mine ! »

*Yeah! And I^m the only one who pounds him into the mattress. Or against the shower tiles*

„Er…?“ the singer looks all puzzled and my daughter decides that it^s about time to come out , not quite the way as Roger and I have planned it.  
With a devilish grin she gets up, „Hey you!“ she shouts. „ This precious bunch of muscles belongs to my dad!“  
„ You have heard the lady, Raffy!“ Roger chuckles and the chaos breaks out.  
In no time I have a beaming supermodel flinging her arms around me,  
„Really? Nick! Really?“  
„ What the fuck?“ her husband blurts, John and Andy are laughing like mad, the other Andy applauds and almost everyone howled with laughter as Raphael sighs „ Damn! I don^t know if I want a reunion under this conditions!“  
Roger and Charlie go into the kitchen to talk and out of the corners of my eyes I see Raffy and James gunning for the balcony.  
« I wonder what they are up to » I say to Yasmin,  
« Well, Jay obviously has noticed that Raphael is gay, and maybe he has a few questions he doesn^t dare to ask his dad or you. »  
« You think ? But he knows that he can ask us everything »  
« As you may remember, Nick, sometimes it^s easier to talk with a stranger. » she winks. « I^m so happy for you ! I can^t tell you how happy I am ! »  
« Not half as happy as i am ! « I grin  
Exactly at midnight an all over beaming singer asks for everyone^s attention.  
„ Ladies and gentlemen, i^m very proud and all happy to announce the offical reunion of the best band in the entire world! We will rock it, folks!“


	7. The music between us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick, Roger and John are jamming together for the first time in 15 years.
> 
> This and a lot of other things feel perfectly right...

London, January 16, 2000  
In my life I have woken up beside many people, and in most cases I felt uncomfortable when I did.  
It was different with Jules, Tatij^s mum.   
I have thought that with her there would be peace in my heart, and for a while it almost felt like it works.  
There were no more men, no more one night stands with dark and handsome willing Roger-surrogates.  
Julie Anne wasn^t only my wife. She was my soulmate, my muse and my friend.  
But when it comes to sex, she wanted more than I could give.  
It^s not that I didn^t like it, but I wasn^t very enthusiastic about it and she wanted me to be more proactive , more passionate..  
Shortly after Tatjana^s birth I have started to meet men again. The beginning of the end of our marriage.  
I^m not a morning person , I need my time to get fully awake and often enough I haven^t known where I am and who^s the one beside me in those very first minutes.  
Not today.  
I know it the moment I open my eyes.  
I^m at home, in my bed, and the warm body behind me is Roger.  
One of his muscled hairy legs looped around me, a strong arm holding me close.  
Smiling broadly, I reach backwards for his firm ass to kneal it gently.  
„Hmmmm“ he hums against my shoulder and his arm moves downwards. My cock literally jumps into his hand and he wanks me in this perfect slow steady rhythm, rubbing his own erection at the hot flesh of my thigh.  
„Good morning, you precious bunch of muscles“I sigh and Roger chuckles quietly, nibbling at the soft skin of my neck  
He lets his cock slide between my legs and I hold him tightly among them, enjoying the feeling of his wet glans at the back of my scrotum.  
It’s all warm and slow and somehow cosy, but still utterly erotic, Roger^s sweet moans in my ear, his hand wrapped around my cock and his throbbing member trapped between my thights .  
I love what he does with his tongue and his lips , leaving wet trails on my neck and shoulder. When he feels that I^m close he gently bites the soft skin, sucking it in between his teeth and it^s almost painful, but matches perfectly with all the other sensations and it^s just what I need to let go.  
He knows my needs, Roger. Somehow he^s sensing them, feeling them .  
Maybe from now on I will be a morning person, i think as I dive under the blanket to take his wonderful cock into my mouth.

Gela and Nigel, who have slept in one of the guestrooms, are in the kitchen, having a late breakfast.  
„Good morning, you two ! « JT grins when we enter the room. „ Coffee?“  
„Ah, yes please.Where are the juniors?“ Roger wants to know.  
„Still sleeping, Hey,Rog, you don^t have your drums here, have you? I thought it^d be cool to jam a bit, to see if we are still working as the rhythm section“  
„I have not the smallest doubt about that, John. That we^ll still be some hell of a team!“ Roger assures.  
„Me neither. You know…it never worked with any other drummer“  
Gela and I smile broadly at each other as the fabulous rythm section, the one and only rythm section of Duran Duran, reunites in a heartily hug.  
« The kit is in Barnes, though. I have a little studio there, main reason for keeping the house. Needed to go there every once in a while to bang my brain out What about packing in Nicky^s synths and drive over? I wanted to pick up Ellea and Elliot anyway.“  
Once Tatji and Jay are awake, they almost freak out about the plan.  
„I^ll sing! I know all the lyrics“ Tatjana beams and James is all eager to show off his guitar skills.

It^s only when we stop at the driveway that I realize I^d meet Roger^s parents in a minute. . The last time they have seen me is definetely not one of my very best memories. To be honest, I can^t remember seeing them at all, as it was at Roger^s wedding.

Bonsai is there as soon as his dad has unlocked the front door. Seems like he^s a door guard at heart.  
„Graaaaan! Daddy is here!“ he is in Rogers arm in no time.

„Good grief! Hughie! Come here and look at that!“ Jean laughs when she comes around the corner. « I`m having a déjà vu ! »  
Ellea and Hugh emerge behind her and I feel a lump in my throat when Bonsai leans over to me , kissing my cheek. He has never done this before.„ Huh-loooo, Nickyyyy! This is Nicky, granny!“   
„ I know, Elliot. I know!“ she winks.  
„Been a while“ I say quietly.  
« That^s utterly true, man ! And I^m nearly as glad as my grandson about the fact that you don^t look like an orange dust mop any more ! » Hugh chuckles.

 

Roger and Nigel are unpacking my keyboards and bring them down into the cellar, where the Studio is.   
„Would you give us a minute alone ? « Jean turns to the kids and Gela.  
John^s wife nods knowingly „ Come on kiddos, we will help Rog and John to set up everything.“

Hugh closes the kitchen door behind them and sits face-to face with me.  
„She^s american, isn^t she, Gela? Like your wife“ he asks casually.  
Ouch!  
„My ex-wife, yes.“  
„No offence, Nick, but…well, that^s quite a surprise. We couldn^t even get used to that gardener-guy and then he shows up and says hey, do you remember Nick Rhodes ? I^m with him now.“  
„Hughie“ Jean soothes „ See, Nick, it^s not that we have a problem with him being gay. It^s the kids we worry about. Elliot is talking about you all the time , it^s Nicky here and Nicky there and Ellea has just announced that she has an older sister now. Those kids are looking so desperatly for love , peace and happiness and it scares us a bit that they have fallen for you so quickly.“

„ I deeply understand your concerns, Jean, but.. »  
The door flungs open and for once it wasn^t Bonsai. It was his dad.  
„No worries, my prince, I^m coming for your rescue“ he beams and then…no joke..he lifts me up .  
« You can hold this inquisition later, my beloved parents, but now we really need this precious man at his keyboard and you are all invited to watch history in the making »  
I hear them laugh as they follow us down into the cellar.  
My mouth goes all dry when he sits behind his kit. God, I haven^t seen this familiar picture for quite a while., but i still do remember each of his moves. His little ritual hasn^t changed. Roger intertwines his fingers , streches his arms out over his head and inhales deeply. Drummer-yoga. He taps the foot pedals, correcting the position of his stool a wee bit and bends for the sticks.  
Our eyes meet when he comes up and he wiggles his brows, smiling broadly .“Ready when you are“

« Tatji, choose the first song ! » John is grinning all over, his bass in position, James beside him with the guitar.  
„First song have to be the first single!“ my daughter announces . Roger chuckles „ Very good choice, it^s your dad^s favorite“  
The keyboard line starts and I hear the * click click click* of the drumsticks. Drum and bass join in , the guitar follows and finally Tatji^s clear voice:  
„Only came outside to watch the nightfall with the rain, I heard you making patterns rhyme…“  
* Oh my fucking god! Oh my fucking god! I^m crying!*  
When the song is over I see that i^m not the only one with tears in his eyes here.  
„Ladies and gentleman“ John sobs „ WE ARE BACK!“  
Elliot tugs at the hem of my shirt „Are you sad, Nicky?“ he wonders .  
„No, Elliot Dante Taylor. I^m happy. I^m so so so happy ! This is the first time in 15 years that we are making music together with your daddy!“  
„ Buuut, Nicky, if it makes you happy, then why did you ever stop?“  
„ Because this world is a much better place with you and Taji and Ellea and James in it, Bonsai“  
And yeah, I know this is bloody pathetic.

 

London, April 2000

The Taylors have just moved in and James has two schoolmates around over night  
to play some video games.  
I knock at his door to ask if the boys are in for some pizza and the panic in Jay^s voice shows pretty well as he answers „ A minute“  
I hear husky whispers before he pokes his head out, obviously trying to block my view.. He fails, as I see the pic on the pc screen quite clear.l . Uh-oh.  
« We^re ordering pizza. Want some?“   
„Eh…yeah…cool“ 

Roger shoots me several glances when we sit in the kitchen, the three teens with their eyes neatly fixed at the plates, avoiding any eye contact with one of us and they rushed off the second they have finished their meal.  
„Er…that was weird, wasn’t it?“ my drummer wonders as they are back into James^s room.  
Ellea and Tatji are in the living room, playing Galaga, and Bonsai is already in bed, so grounds are safe.  
„I caught them watching porn. I think you have to talk to him. Or I have to.Or we both“  
„ Well not that i like the thought of my son watching smut so much, but isn^t it pretty normal at that age? We have talked about sex a lot, though.“  
„Have you? About gay sex? Because what I saw was obviously a very close close-up of gay anal »  
« Oh…fuck ! »he blurts.  
« Yes, exactly that ! » I chuckle « Now what ? »  
Roger bumps his forehead slightly on the table. « Argh ! I So don^t want to talk about anal sex with my teen son, nonono!“ With every word his head makes contact to the table.  
« Well, I don^t think that you have to tell him how much you love it ! » I grin „Now stop that before you will hurt yourself“  
« This is not a bit funny, Nicky ! » he sighs. „Oh god“

The next day Roger gives Jay^s friends Peter and Kevin a ride home.  
I^m in the bedroom, reading, since the living room is yet again occupied by the girls and Bonsai.Not so much space left for privacy in here.  
„Come in, James“ I chuckle quiely as it knocks and I know it^s him.  
He neatly closes the door behind him and leans at the doorway, his eyes fixed to the floor.  
„Er…uuuhm..have you…have you told my dad?“  
„About what?“  
„You know about what! I know you^ve seen it.“ His face is tomatoe red now .  
« Yes, I have. You three were acting really strange. Your dad isn^t an idiot, James, and surely I won^t lie to him.“  
„Is he mad at me?“the boy whispers.  
„No, James. I can hardly imagine something to make Roger mad at you. . it caused him quite a headache, though.. Jay…they are not bullying you, Kevin and Peter, are they ? »

„Naaah…not them…there are others, but I don^t care much. Peter has two moms. Kev has a gay uncle. And about the others… they don^t know that it^s you, huh? They still think it^s Damian, since you two have asked us not to spread the word yet. “ he finally grins coyly at me.  
« And you boys have watched that because…. ?“  
„Er…Kev said that men…are fucking each other…uhm…in the ass .I didn^t believe that and he wanted to prove it, so we …watched.“  
„You^re smart enough to know that porn isn^t reality, yeah? Neither hetero nor gay porn.“I point out.  
„Yeah, but still…people DO those things, huh? Maybe not like in those movies, but they do, right?“  
Those teens are such smart asses, aren^t they?  
„Most of it, I guess » I admit.  
„But…er…it^s somehow…gross, eh? I mean…in the ass? And it looks as though it^s painful »

« See, James, that^s why I said It^s not like in those porn scenes. People …*people, haha*…are cleaning themselves up usually before they do that. And they are not literally jumping on each other. It takes time and preparation, like condoms and lube and such and people start carefully. It^s not something dirty, Jay. I think, when people are in love, or they have lust, at least, they want to be as close to each other as possible., to feel as much as they can. And you can^t be any closer to someone than being inside of him….or having him inside of you, right ? «  
My, I^m proud of me. I^m really proud of me.  
« Makes sense » he nods.  
Have I mentioned that I^m proud of me ?  
Surely this isn^t the last talk about this topic in this household. Next time it^s Roger^s turn, i swear.

 

« It^s about time to make it official « Roger leans at the kitchen counter, a beer can in hand, smiling at us. We have just finished dinner and James is explaining a card game called *phase 10* to Tatji and me, which is some sort of tradition for the Taylor-clan.  
« The reunion ? » I ask absent-minded, trying to sort the 10 cards in my hand.  
„No. Us. Before there will be reporters chasing after the kids or something.What do you think?“  
Funny. Somehow it feels like he’d have proposed to me. Making it official. Showing it to the world.Yes please.  
„ I could call the royal airforce to write it in the sky“ i grin, take my cards down and go to pull this handsome man in my arms.  
Ellea and Tatji giggle.  
„Yeah, it¨ll be cool not having to watch my words everytime someone asks me about my family. My friends know, anyway » jay shrugs  
« Ah, the friends you^re playing those video games with, yeah ? » Roger laughs .“ What about you, girls?“  
„ All cool with it“ Taji smiles and Ellea says: „ Yeah, I^m sick of Mrs Benton asking for my mum every time »  
„You know that not everyone will be ok with it, yeah? Some will probably make fun of it or even worse. You may be bullied.“ Rog points out.  
„I couldn^t care less about what some stupid idiots are thinking »James explains.  
« Me neither » Tatjana agrees. « They have called dad gay for ages anyway »  
« See, Nicky, the plan to show up with as many women as you could to prove that you are not didn’t even work ! » he smirks, ruffling my hair.  
« Mind your tongue, drummer ! »  
And then Ellea comes up with a fantastic idea.  
« What about a house warming ? I mean, we just moved in… each one of us kids is inviting two friends and their parents. And we definetly need my teacher Mrs. Benson around. . She^s such a pain in the ar..she’s utterly annoying.“  
„You^re a genius, Ellea! I tell you what we^ll do…Roger and I will set up a something for the press to release and if this is out, we^ll have a party.Deal?“I ask and everyone is in.

Two days later my soon to be official boyfriend and I meet up with a reporter from the OK ! – magazine for an interview. Together with the kids we had chosen some of the pictures from the last few months for the article.  
Louise, the reporter, turns out to be a die hard Duranie , so the article becomes very long, four pages with many pics  
The other reunion keeps unmentioned, though.


	8. Notorious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family life, a few problems and a very happy couple

„I can^t believe it! I wanted to marry John Taylor when I was 15“   
„Oh, You are standing in a long line with that, I guess“ I laugh.   
Betty, one of Peter^s moms ,and I are out on the balcony for a fag. The housewarming is going pretty well. Everyone invited has shown up and we even have found out that the family of one of Bonsai^s kindergarten-mates is living in the same building.  
« Yeah, true. We have to keep an eye on Mary, though. For her, it was the drummer. » she winks. „Peter almost caused a heart attack when he told us who^s the dad of his new mate.“  
„They are indeed very close, Peter, Kev and James, huh?“ I smile  
„The rainbow family squad… it^s not always easy for the kids, you know. I think it^s important that they have friends to talk about that .Especially at this age. Teens are the cruelest. I don^t want to scare you, though. It^s right the way you two are dealing with it. Who cares about a bunch of homophobic assholes when you have a loving family and some good friends.“.  
« To family and friends ! » I raise my glass.  
Soon enough we^ll know that gay live isn’t all rainbow and glitter.

I feel like the world is all mine when I walk down Bond Street, with the most handsome boyfriend holding my hand. He^ll turn 40 in a week and there^s a big birthday party planned at the Crown Plaza in Birmingham . For the time being and such. The whole place is booked for guests and I have decided that my gorgeous man needs a new suit for this occasion.  
„Anthony Price? What do you think? God, that blue one for *Rio*….wooohaaa.“ I can^t help to pull him close for a kiss.  
„Ah, and I thought your favorite outfit were the white speedos“ he chuckles.  
„Uh. Have you ever noticed that they turned all see-through when wet?“   
We are all flirty and easy, happy to show everyone that we^re in love, and it feels so good.

„Be still, my heart“ I gasp when he comes out of the fitting room.  
The obviously gay shop assistant applauds. « Perfect ! Perrrrrfect ! »  
I can hardly stifle a chuckle when he drops on his knees in front of Roger, his face dangerously close to the family jewels, to pin the slightly too long trouser legs.  
Rog smirks at me , rolling his eyes and I wiggle my eyebrows as my tongue slids over my lips.  
« All done, Mister Taylor, We will send the suit when its tailored. Promise you it ^ll be there in three days¨“ The man beams when he gets up. „ be careful when you pull it off, mind the pins“  
„Oh, I^m pretty sure Mister Rhodes will help me with that. Won^t you, Nick?“   
„At your service, Mister Taylor.“ I bow, feeling the blood rushing downwards.  
Leaving the assistant with his jaw on the floor, we go back into the fitting room together and as soon as we are in and the door is closed it’s me who drops on his knees.  
„You are getting quite naughty with age, Mr. Taylor.“ I grin and have those trousers down in a split second.  
« It’s not about age, Nicky, it^s about you. Aaaah. »  
If someone would have told me that I will suck off Roger Taylor in a noble designer shop a week before his 40th birthday, I would have laughed hard.  
But now there’s something indeed very hard in my mouth, something hard and throbbing and hot, and Roger does not even try to be quiet. He is literally fucking my willing mouth and I almost gag. Because, ladies and gentleman, it’s absolutely true that Roger needs two hands for his.  
His hands are buried in my hair and I can barely breathe, but his obvious NEED for me , his desperate moans and the greedy thrusts with his hips , all this is so utterly HOT that I want to please him, i want to take all he gives.  
It doesn^t take long and my mouth is filed with his semen.

His legs are a bit shaky when he finally steps out of the trousers.  
„Mind the pins“ I grin and we laugh like mad.  
God, i love this man! I love him!

 

„Thank you very much“ Roger grins , handing the suit to the extremely nervous assistant. „We appreciate the good service in here.“  
„Oh, you^re welcome, come again“ He turns all red by the equivocation of his words and Roger winks at him „ You bet. I think that Mister Rhodes needs a new suit very soon“

 

I think someone has stolen my sweet Bonsai last night and has replaced him with an evil twin.  
„Noooo noooo noooo`“ he yells, stamping with his feet. „ I DON^T WANT THAT!!“  
Great, Just great. Such a simple task Roger has asked me about, just * would you go to the hairdresser with Elliot* and now the little boy turns into something from *the exorcist*.

„It^s just a hair cut, Bonsai » I sigh . « They won^t cut your head off or something. We want to look good for your dad^s birthday, huh?“  
„I don^t want eyeliner . Only fuckin faggots use eyeliner.“ He shrieks almost hysterically.  
I change a look with the all cliche fairy hairdresser Fabio…who wears eyeliner, haha.  
„It^s not about eyeliner, Elliot Dante. No one wants you to wear eyeliner. «   
We will talk later about the * fuckin faggot*-part.  
« Look, sweetie, I just want to cut your hair, okey ? » Fabio soothes.  
« I like my hair the way it is ! » he pouts, crossing his arms.  
« Elliot, please » I say helplessly « I promise you we^ll go to pizza hut « Smart, huh ? Screwing out a 4year’s old consent with pizza. I may have to work on my stepdaddy-skills…  
He grins broadly and says « WITH COLA ! »  
„Yeah, Bonsai. With Cola. !“  
„ Aaaaand icecream!“   
This little devil!

It^s at pizza hut when a an all over beaming Elliot, happily sipping his second cola, asks innocently „ Nickyyy, what is a fucking faggot?“  
„It^s a very mean cuss word for gays, Bonsai. You know what *gay* means, yes ? »  
« Of COURSE ! » he gives me a look as if I would be the 4 year old here. « It^s when a man loves a man and a woman loves a woman. You are gay, and daddy is. Peter^s moms are gay. And you know what ? I think, Fabio is gay. »  
« Yeah, I think you are right » I chuckle « See, Bonsai, some gays do use eyeliner, like me and Fabio. But your dad doesn^t , huh ? And I know quite a lot of people who are NOT gay but use eyeliner. So whoever said this to you is wrong, ok ? And faggot is a really rude word. People use it when they don’t like gays“  
„Oh. That^s mean.I don^t like mean people. Why don^t they like gays?“  
„They think that gays are not normal. That they are disgusting and that it^s not ok for a man to love a man or a woman to love a woman“  
„Idiots“ Bonsai blurts. „ I^ll tell Paul^s brother that he’s a fuckin idiot!“  
Paul is at Kindergarten with Elliot, and his family lives in the same building.  
I can^t remember his brother^s name, but he must be same age with Tatji and James . What Betty has said, teens are the cruelest. Maybe because at that age you are finding out about your sexual identity and * being normal* is something very important.

 

Birmingham, England, April 25, 2000.  
„Aaah! This is fab! Roger sighs as he glides into the bubbling hot water of the yacuzzi.  
It^s been a long day. We have arrived in B^ham in the early morning and spent the whole day by visiting all those hystorical places with the kids. Broad street, where the Rumrunner was, my mum^s store former store where we had jammed around for the very first times and such.  
The whole breed stays with our parents , in the largest suite the Crown plaza has to offer.  
So we are alone now.  
A yacuzzi, champagne, strawberries and a naked drummer…life is beautiful, isn^t it ?  
« Come in, Nicky ! »he smiles  
« Oh, I will come so very in ! » I chuckle as I get rid of my clothes to climb into the tub behind him.  
„Hmmm, you^re right, this is awesome! Have I told you lately that I love you, my precious bunch of muscles?“  
„It^s quite irritating, when you quote Raffy.“ Roger laughs.  
« Yeah, maybe, but I really like this quote, you know…fits you ! » I plant little kisses on his wet broad shoulders. « I skipped the *little*, though. There^s nothing *little* about you“ My hand wanders down to his almost fully erected cock and his head falls against my chest. „  
„Fuck“ he hisses.  
„Yeah, that^s what i will do“ I promise, biting his neck. „There^s no better feeling than being buried into your tight hot ass, i tell you.“  
He chuckles, his hand comes up for the back of my neck and his strong fingers massage the tensed muscles. „ Dirty-talk-mode, Mister Rhodes?“  
„Probably, Just feels good to speak out loud what i^ve been dreaming of for so long »  
„Aha. Such as?“   
„From the first moment on I was all impressed how much you like that“ I push a finger in without warning and he nearly jumps. „See, it works!“ I grin devilishly.  
„it only works with you“he pants.  
„How do you know that when there have been no others?“

*There was one time with Damian, though, huh?*

„ Tried it…myself. But as I said…it only works with you.“  
« You have fucked yourself ? » Woohaaa, I^m utterly turned on by this thought ! « Tell me, you greedy thing, how many fingers did you use ? » I push in two more fingers and he moans , pressing against them to force me deeper. God, yes ! He LOVES it.  
« No…fingers » he gasps.  
Oh !  
« Then with what have you fucked this precious tight ass, huh ? »   
« Started with plugs » he admits and my, the image almost killed me.  
„But that was not enough, hm?“ I growl. Holy fuck, this is extremely hot!  
„Noooo. Ah…God..no.“  
Water splashes as I enter him, thrusting all inside, and he screams my name. And calls for god . Again.  
„What did you use? Tell me.“  
„Gaaaah…a dildo, Nick… ah.“  
„You will show me . I have to see that. God, i have to see that!“  
We come almost simultaniously and there^s not much water left in the tub.


	9. Violence (not of summer)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sex and drama, baby!

„You^ll probably kill me before my birthday.“ Roger chuckles once we are able to speak again.  
« Well, you are dying as one happy man then, hopefully » I grin .„ Refill or out?“  
„ Oh, all in for a refill, but give me a few minutes, I^m not 20 any more!“ he smirks and it takes me a while to get it.  
„Talking `bout the tub, you utterly debauched thing!“I laugh, slapping the back of his head.  
„Ah, of course…well, you^re not 20 any more either, huh?“Roger licks my earlobe, biting gently.  
„Younger than you are, greedy drummer!“  
My, it^s so wonderful to be able to joke around like this. Not for the first time I ask myself what would have happened if we just would have been a little braver, more honest to ourselves, but then I think about Tatji, Bonsai, Ellea and Jay.  
No, as horrible as it was, it had to be like that.

We leave the yacuzzi, slip in bathrobes and go onto the balkony for a smoke, taking the champagne glasses with us. Side by side we lean at the handrail, blowing smoke in the cool air  
„I quit smoking years ago“ he laughs quietly.  
« Yeah, me too »   
« I hope you are more consequent when it comes to other habits you used to have » he says and a gentle hand caresses my cheek.  
« Such as ? » I wonder, cupping this hand with mine and bring his fingers to my lips.  
„Such as snoggling with groupies backstage, for example“ dark eyes dart into mine. „ You know, I don^t think I^d like to watch that any more. Have there been…many?“  
„ A few“ I say vaguely, not quite happy with the direction this talk is going to take.  
« Did they all look like me ? »  
„They did“ I admit.  
„We were pretty good with torturing ourselves, hm?“  
„ A habit I definetly don^t need any more“ Pulling him close, I whisper in his ear „ You know that it wasn^t for them…you know it was all because of you, yeah? It never worked, though“

„Yes, Nicky, i know. I knew it back then and I know it now. I^m just…well, I ^m afraid that you^ll miss that, the rock star kind of life with the models and it-girls and such…“  
„I assure you that I don^t miss a single bit of it. My mum called it *compensation*, and that^s exactly what it was. I love you, Roger“  
„And I love you. I want this to last, Nicky. I fucking want this to last. Make it last“ he kisses me so hard that I almost loose balance and I grab his wrists, dragging him inside again.  
It is quite like Japan 81 when we stumble onto the bed, never breaking the kiss, but that^s it for the similarities.  
There is one large mirror above the head end of the bed which has caught my attention the moment we came into this room this morning and now I^ll show my drummer that he probably still enjoys to watch me with a man, with the only man I always wanted to be with.  
„On all fours with you, and don^t you dare to close your eyes` » I command.  
His dark lustful eyes are locked with mine in the mirror when two fingers find his sweet spot and a hand wraps around his half hard cock.  
„When we are back home I want to watch you fucking yourself“ I whisper hoarsely. „ But for now you will watch ME fucking you.“

I don^t think there^s something more beautiful as Roger Taylor^s face when he comes..

 

I^m not fully awake yet and smile to myself when I feel this warm , familiar body behind, the looped leg and that arm holding me close.  
I really want to wake up like this for the rest of my life.  
We have obviously missed midnight in the wonderful exhaustion, the fuzzy feeling after sex.I chuckle quietly by the memory of last evening and I chuckle even more when I hear the voices from the hotel hallway on the other side of the door.  
„No, Bonsai, they are still sleeping“ Ellea.  
*When did they all start to call him Bonsai?*  
„Buuut I want to sing happy birthdaaaay!“  
„Let^s wait another 30 minutes“ Jay suggests.  
„ We could just knock, you know“ Tatji laughs and I free myself carefully from legs and arms, slip into the bathrobe and go to open the door.  
„Come in“ I smile, utterly touched by the scene in the hallway. All kids, load with gifts and flowers, a trolley from the room service with a full champagne breakfast.  
Bonsai rushes past me, jumps into the bed and beams „ Birthday-daddy, wake uuup!“  
We all have to laugh as Roger^s head comes up, hair in a mess , blinking all confused „ Uh? What? What happened?“  
After the obligate *Happy birthday*- song we all settle onto the bed and have breakfast together.  
I notice that there is something going on between tatji and James, as they share several glances. Thinking that it^s something about the party later, a planned surprise or something, i make an excuse, dragging the two into the bathroom.  
„What is it?“ I want to know.  
„ Jay thinks he has seen that Damian in the hotel lobby“ Tatjana whispers.  
Dang! That is not what I have expected!  
„Naah, Tatji, I don^t THINK that, I KNOW it was him. And I doubt he^s here to wish dad a happy birthday, huh?“  
„Fuck“ I hiss. A jealous ex-boyfriend is most likely not what Roger needs for his special day.  
« I will go checking if he stays in the hotel. No word to your dad, Jay“  
„Of course not¨“ Jay rolls his eyes.

„Hey, luv, I have to take care of something, will be right back, birthday boy“ I wink and Roger laughs, looking me up and down. I have hastily thrown over something and my eyeliner is still smeared.  
„Nicky, Nicky, you really have to love me if you are leaving the room like this“ he chuckles.  
„ Yeah, baby, I love you and you have no idea how much!“ I grin, trying hard not to show my concern.  
I head for the reception and stop dead in my tracks down in the hall.  
Damian sits in one of the chairs by the window front and he’s not alone. Hugh is there and they obviously have a quite heated discussion.  
„This is not the right time to talk, Damian! Leave now!“ Roger^s dad almost yells.  
„ I^m not taking orders from you, Hugh. You have no right to tell me what I have to do! I^ll wait here until he shows up ! »  
« It^s his birthday, godness !The kids are here and soon the guests will arrive. Again, man, this is not the right time!“ Hugh tries to keep his voice calm.  
« Don^t you think I know that ? That it^s his birthday? I got him a engagement ring for birthday in November, for fuck^s sake! And then this bloody peacock showed up and Roger discarded me like some worthless piece of rubbish. After two years, Hughie! After two years he left me for that son of a bitch! Just like that!“

The problem is, he^s right, isn’t he? He’s perfectly right, and if I was him, i would find harder words than * peacock* and * son of a bitch*.  
„Damian!“ I say loudly and the pure hate showing in his eyes when he looks at me gives me shivers.  
„YOU!“ he blurts  
„I don^t think that^s a good idea, Nicholas. Really not!“ Hugh sighs as I approach their table.  
„it^s ok, Hugh“ I assure. « Let^s talk, Damian, yeah ? »  
« You are the very last person on earth I feel the need to talk to, you arrogant assfucker ! Get out of my sight ! » he yells, catching the attention of the reception staff.  
« Is there a problem, Mister Rhodes ? » one of them asks, phone in hand and ready to call the hotel security.  
„All fine, sorry!“ „  
„All fine, yeah? Nothing is fine, you queen of all backstabbers!“ Damian says coldly.  
I don^t see it coming. Stars explode in my head , my scull hits the edge of the table and it^s all dark.

What the hell? I blink. Where am I?  
There^s Tatjana, holding my hand.  
After another blink I see mum and dad. James is also there . So is Nigel.  
I^m in our hotel room. I can’t open my left eye.  
The door opens and Hugh comes in.   
„Is he awake?“ he whispers.  
„Yeah“ I croak and Tatji beams „ Daddy! You ok? Does it hurt?“  
„ I told you that wasn’t such a good Idea!“ Roger^s dad chuckles. „ You should listen to an old man, aye“  
„Next time I will, promised“ I grin, regretting it in an instant as flames of pain shoot through my head. „ Ack! He knocked me down, huh?“  
„It happened so fast that I couldn’t do something, Nick, I^m sorry“ Hughie explains. „ I think he was on drugs or drunk. Or both. Here!“ he hands me a cold pack. „ Put it on your eye, You ok? No nausea or something, not seeing double pictures ? The doctor told me to call the ambulance if there^s any sign of cerebral concussion. »  
« Beside the fact that it hurts I^m ok. Not feeling dizzy or something. Where^s Rog?“  
„Down at the lobby“ John says . „ talking to the police.“  
„Jay, Bonsai and Ellea? They haven’t seen anything of that drama, have they?“  
„Sorry to say they have. He stormed in after he nicked the room key from you, but the security was right behind, so nothing happened. God, he looked completely insane!“ the teenager sounds still shocked.

I may understand his hate for me, but that he scared the kids..the kids of the man he loves…is inexcuseable.   
„Bastard“ I mutter.  
„This was quite a way to be greeted, Nicholas! We just came into the hall when you hit the floor and I was too perplexed to stop him“ Nigel says, not knowing if he should laugh or cry.  
„No worries, I^m fine“ my head thinks different when I sit up , but I try to hide the pain. „ Will go to the reception“  
No one holds me back when I leave the room.  
There was pure chaos in the foyer. Police, press, terrified staff. Takes me a while to spot Roger.  
He is talking to a female police officer and even with a hurting head and a swollen eye I have to smile because he wears the T-shirt the kids have given him for birthday. It has *SUPERDAD* printed on it^s back.  
« We have Mister Taylor in arrest and there will be drug tests and such. If Mister Rhodes wants to press charges against him, he can show up at the police station at any time. »  
« I don^t want that » I say, much to my own surprise. « Mr Taylor had his reasons and I understand them. »  
„Nicky!“ Superdad takes me in his arms. „ God, Nicky! I^m so sorry.“  
„ It wasn’t you, luv“ I wink at the officer. „ Supergay relationship drama, officer“  
She chuckles. « Isn^t that everyone^s dream, having to men fighting for your love?“  
„Thanks, but no, thanks!“ Roger mumbles, caressing my cheek with his thumb..  
« Well, if you change your mind, Ni…Mr Rhodes. You can show up any time, as I said. We^ll have to make an official report anyway. » she smiles, blushing slightly.  
The security starts to clear the place and Roger and I go to the bar, ordering a whisky. We need it, huh?  
„Supergay relationship drama my arse“ he blurts as we cling classes.  
« Yeah, pretty sure your arse was one of his reasons » I chuckle.  
« Nicholas, if you won^t look like been hit by a bus, I^d give YOUR arse a proper spanking, I swear! You should have told me that he^s here ! »  
« We didn^t want to bother you, it^s your birthday!“  
„Oh well, that didn^t work, eh?“ he grins  
„I’m afraid not. Ouch.“ I smirk. „Is Bonsai ok? And Ellea?“  
„They are fine. Thank god for the security. He was blind of rage, I don^t know what would have happened if… god, Nick! I^m sorry! All my fault.I should have known that he isn’t over it yet and I…he…he always was the jealous one.“  
« Andy told me, sort of. I should have listened to your dad, though. Stop blaming you, will you ? » I pull him close. « You are well worth a black eye, birthday boy ! »  
« We should get you an eye patch and a parrot. With one of those white ruffled shirts you^d make a pretty handsome pirate ! Let^s go to the room, you have to put a cold pack on that eye. »  
« Yes, superdad. As you wish , superdad ! »


	10. Bedroom toys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julie Anne meets the Taylors and Nick brings a present for Roger.

Back into the our room everyone is still there and Jean has joined with Bonsai and Ellea.  
The girl gasps at my sight and Elliot shriekes „ Your eye is gone…your eye is gone!“  
„Nah, Bonsai, it^s just swollen , still there.“ I assure him , pressing the cold pack in my face. My head hurts like hell and I feel slightly dizzy „ I have to lie down a bit, sorry. »  
Roger goes into the bathroom and comes back with some pills and a glass of water and I^m all thankful.  
„Now, folks, give Nick a rest, yeah?“ he says quietly. This man really senses my needs.  
Then it^s just Tatji, Roger and I and with my daughter on my right and my drummer on the left I fall asleep.

 

„Not bad“ Tatjana chuckles.  
Someone really has found a pirate-like eye patch and with the help of a little make up I look almost human .  
Headache is bearable, no dizziness and such, so I think I^m ready to hit my man^s birthday party, which has started an hour ago and no one has dared to wake me up, so by now I^m pretty fit.  
„Ready, Miss Rhodes?“  
My daughter hooks in my offered arm and we go to the ballroom.  
Right in front of the entrance we bump into Tracey and Andy, and much to my surprise the guitarist hugs me heartily.  
We never have been very close, Ands and I…we are more like cat and dog, to be honest.  
„You^re my hero, man! I told you this bloke is weird.It was very brave to stand in his way, really!“  
„To tell the truth, I did absolutely nothing. I just wanted to talk, and baaam. I still think I^ve earned that somehow, though“ I shrug.  
„Naah¨“ he winks „ what belongs together comes together, that^s karma. Hey Tatji! You are stunning, by the way“  
„Oh yes.You are!“ Trace beams. « And Nick, this pirate look suits you well, I have to say ! »  
We enter the party room together and the first I see are Yasmin and Roger on the dancefloor.  
Again my drummer seems to sense me and with the most beautiful smile he comes over to pull me into a deep kiss.  
„I like!“ he chuckles, letting his thumb glide over the patch. „are you ok?“  
„Ever so ready to celebrate my fav man^s birthday“ I assure.  
It is a fantastic party, and it^s even more fantastic when we are back into the hotel room at 4 in the morning, where a more than just slightly drunk drummer takes very good care of me.

London, May 2000  
„Mom!“ Tatji beams as the doors opened. She has^nt seen her mother for months, since last christmas.  
For me it^s even longer and I^m really happy that she could make it.  
„Tatjana! Oh Tatjana!“ They both cry and I go back into the kitchen to give them some time alone.  
I^m a bit nervous, I have to say. First time that Julie Anne would see our not so little family.  
Roger is at his parent^s with the kids and they will be back in the evening. The Taylors would take care of the dinner today…well, at least three of them.  
Knowing my ex-wife^s habits, I start the coffee maker and wait.  
„Nicholas!“ there she is, standing in the doorway, stunning as always.  
„Jules! So good to see you, darling!“ We hug heartily. „ please excuse the chaos, we are still newbies in this household“  
„Ah, John told different, he said you are doing pretty well. I have to see it with my own eyes, though“ Julie winked. „ So where are all those Taylors?“  
„In B^ham, they will be back about six. I thought you probably want to take some rest first, jetlag and all.“ I kissed her on the cheek. „ Sit down. Coffee? Tatji and Ellea have baked a cake“  
„i don’t need a rest, Nicholas! I^m dying to meet them!“ she laughs.  
„No worries, the Taylor invasion will start soon enough. As Dave Gahan would say: Enjoy the silence!“

 

The *pling* announces the arrival of the Taylor-clan. Jules , Tatji and I have talked for hours, with lots of laughter, but I^m still nervous .  
Of course it^s Bonsai who appeares first and yet again he lands in my lab like a cannon ball.  
« Taaadaaaa ! Baaack ! »  
« Taaadaaa yourself, Elliot » I grin and ruffle his hair.  
The boy turns to Jules, beaming all over.  
„Hu-loooh, Tatji^s mommy!“  
The other three Taylors enter the room and Roger^s sight makes me smile like always.  
He^s incredibly sexy and yet alone the fact that I don^t have to deny that any longer makes me happy.  
He winks at me like he^s reading my mind.  
Ellea and James greet my ex-wife and then Roger and Jules are standing face to face.  
„You haven^t changed a single bit, Jules. I have forgotten about how TALL you are, though ! » he grins.  
« Well, YOU have changed, Rog ! in a good way, man ! in a good way ! »  
There is a short moment of awkwardness before they hug each other.  
„Been a while, huh?“ Julie winks.  
« Indeed. About 15 years, I^d say. Great that you^re here, Jules.It means a lot to me that you…you^re ok with this. »  
« It^s still hard to believe, I admit. A few years ago I^d probably have killed you, though » she smirks.  
„That^s ok. I wanted to kill you too!“ They laugh and hug again.  
Tatji and I share a smile.  
« We should prepare dinner, dad, i^m starving“ James suggests.  
„Do you guys need some help?“ Jules asks.  
« Nope ! You^re a guest and surely Tatji wants to spend time with you ! » Ellea says and I see Roger wincing slightly, as his daughter is with no doubt thinking about her own mom.

 

« That was delicious. Can I book you for private events ? » Jules sighs as she has finished the dessert.  
The three of us had lots of wine with the food and we are nicely squiffy.  
The kids clear the table and fill the dishwasher  
„After dinner cigarrette?“ Roger asks and we go out on the balcony.  
„How^s…whats his name again? Chuck? Charles?“ i want to know.  
„Carlton.Carlton Mepplethorpe the third. No joke. And you will never ever believe what happened! He cheated on me!“ Jules chuckles.  
„You seem to find that funny » I wonder.  
„Uh, well, it is, somehow. I came home from work a day early and guess what? Found him in our bedroom with his dick in a quite hairy ass.“ She wiggles her brows at me and I can’t help laughing.  
„You are kidding!“  
„No, Nicholas , I am not! I had such a deja vu, huh?“  
„Hey, to my defense, it wasn^t our bedroom!“I chuckle.  
„Oh, of course! Thank you, that was so thoughtful of you!“ she punchs me in the belly and turns to Roger, who^s staring at us. „ You know that he had his little…adventures, don’t you?“  
„ Er…yes. I just didn’t know that you have caught him“  
„October `87, Simon^s birthday. Our first party together since Tatjana was born. Everyone was quite drunk, me in particular. First alcohol after pregnancy and such. I wanted to go home, Nick was nowhere in sight and I went to look for him. He was in Yasmin^s boudoir, shagging one of the catering crew. HA! I always have thought that this guy reminded me of someone…now I know to whom!“ my ex-wife explains.  
„Wow. I don^t know what to say… i^m sorry.“ Roger blushes. „If you don^t mind me asking…er…you didn^t leave. Why so?“  
„Well, as odd as it may sounds, I was ok with that.We had some sort of agreement after that party. Sex has never been the most important thing in our marriage. For Nick, at least, surprise surprise. What about you ? Have there been others ? »

« I^ve never been such a fan of one night stands. Had a boyfriend, though, so yeah, that can be counted as *others“, I guess »  
« Ah, the guy who punched Nick in the face…Tatjana told me about that. Was there any more trouble with him?“  
We light yet another cigarette, enjoying to have a talk without the kids.  
„No, not at all. Damian was quite ashamed. He was on coke and alcohol and well…“ Rog starts  
„And well, he was right, wasn^t he?“ I interupted „first time in two years you went to one of his hatred parties and you met that arrogant assfucker peacock…Good griefs, I have talked to him in the frontyard, pretending to be some kind of friend…no wonder he^s mad at me, I owed that.“

„You didn^t. I don^t want to argue about that again, Nicky. It was me who left him and he should be mad at ME, not at you, although you are indeed one arrogant assfucker peacock ! »  
Jules laughs loudly « Uh, yes, you really are ! »

 

« I like Jules » Roger grins when we are in bed „ I totally understand why you married her“  
„Yeah, she^s awesome. And she still is one of my best friends. How many men can say that about their exes?“  
« I can^t believe that she was so cool about you meeting with men »  
„We have talked about that a lot, it wasn’t as easy as it sounded. The most rediculous part was when she offered me to fuck her…let me quote * er, You know, Nicholas, the OTHER entrance* «  
He chuckles quietly « And ? Did you do it ? »  
« Goodness, no ! Her ass just wasn^t hairy enough… nah, honestly, never ever I wanted to have sex as some sort of…i dunno…favour. And she offered that to do me a favour, not because she would like to try it or something. Maybe, if it would have been out of curiousity or love of experimentation , who knows ? Have you ever? With…Gio?“  
„I have. Not very often, though, but when we did, we both enjoyed it.“  
„Roger…if you ..if you miss to be top, since you have been top only with Damian… we can switch“  
Again he chuckles „ Nick, is that offer out of curiousity, love of experimentation or is it a favour?“  
« I^m not sure » I admit. « I^m still a virgin, you know ? »  
Roger comes up to one elbow, smiling down at me.  
« Let me tell you I^m not missing anything. I have missed to have you all in me for many many years and I can^t get enough of it, so I^m all happy with the way it is. The thought of being in you is something thrilling, though, but only if you really WANT that. You don^t have to do me favours. I love it when you fuck me and I doubt that this will ever change, ok?“  
„I think it was about that“ I say quietly. „All those one night stands, adventures, whatever you call it…it was about that.“  
„About what?“ he wonders and a calloused hand wanders down my chest.  
„About that pure, honest overwhelming lust written in your face from the moment I had the first finger in you on. It never happened again, though. It^s you, Roger.“  
« It^s not me, Nicky. It^s us. Do you know what else I have missed ? Your taste¨“ With that, he dives under the blankets and I have to bite my pillow not to wake up Jules, who sleeps on the couch just behind the door.

Tatjana and Julie Anne are in Brighton over the weekend to spend some time with each other, james is invited at Peter^s , Ellea at a sleepover birthday party and Bonsai at a book night at Kindergarten. For the first time in weeks we will be alone.  
And yes,I do have plans. Naughty debauched plans with a naked drummer. He drives Elliot to kindergarten right now, and when he^s back…I really hope he^s in experimental mood.  
I have prepared dinner, champagne is in the fridge and the little present for him is placed on the table. Dessert, so to speak.  
*PLING*  
Ah, there he is. I can’t stop smiling and this hard-on I have for quite a while starts to annoy me.  
« Come in, come in, Mister Taylor ! » I grab his arm as soon as the doors have opened.  
« Hello there ! » Roger grins as he hugs me and my erection rubs nicely against his thigh.  
« Not yet. Dinner first » I guide him into the kitchen, where I have set up the table with candles and all. „ Sit down, Mister Taylor. Champagne?“  
„Yes please, Mister Rhodes, how very kind!“  
We cling glasses.  
„To an experimental evening“ I wink.  
„Oh? Details, please!“ my drummer wiggles his brows.  
„Ah, no. Not yet“  
„ Quite a lot of * not yets* if you ask me.“ he chuckles.  
We don^t talk much during dinner. He^s all curious and I enjoy his slightly puzzled looks, his obvious anticipation as we hold hands and share kisses.  
„There^s a present for you“ I say when I have cleared the table and I stand behind him, massaging his shoulders.  
*Are you in? Do you like it?*  
„ What is it?“  
„Unpack it and you^ll see, huh?“ I grin .  
His face when the gift wrap is gone is well worth the * not yets*.  
„Seriously?“ he laughs and his blush makes me chuckle.  
„ Serious as hell. I told you I want to see that“ My lips wander down his neck. „Show me. Please.“  
It happens again, like always when it comes to sex. There^s not the slightest bit of shame as he grabs my neck and pulls me close to kiss me, his beard stubbles a thrilling sensation against my skin and an intense contrast to his soft lips and that sweet tongue in my mouth.

*How could I survive without this for so many years?*

 

„Wait here, Don^t move!“ he growls and his tone gives me shivers.  
After another deep kiss he leaves the room and now I^m the one who^s puzzled.  
He^s back in a minute, with the belt of my bath robe and has my wrists tied behind the backrest of the chair in no time.  
Looks like he really is in experimental mode!  
„ Just watching, Nicky. No touching“ he grins devilishly.  
« You are utterly evil, you know ? » I gasp as Roger starts to strip, tantalizingly slow. « Evil and sexy »  
He moves like a professional stripper. Like he^d do that every day, including the flirty looks and all. If my hands were free, I would applaude. Or wank me, rather.  
Roger almost kills me , and he hasn^t even started with what I^m so eager to see.  
Now he^s naked and never in my entire life have I felt such an urgend need to touch myself. I moan helplessly when he placed a chair right in front of me, he^s so near that I can smell him, that I can see this little drop of sweat running down his chest.  
God, Good god. Holy fuck.  
And then he reaches for the present. A dildo, yes. Not one of those ugly fake dicks, a simple plain black rod, slightly curved. *For anal pleasures*, the package printing says. I shudder as he tears the included small pack of lube open with his teeth.  
Placing one foot on the seat of the chair he inhales deeply and his eyes fix at mine as he squeezes some liquid over his fingers,  
Watching him how he works himself open, how he is penetrating himself with one, two and then three fingers is almost to much to bear and when he thrusts the toy into him, almost full length, we both moan loudly.  
„You…like?“ he gasps, the dark bedroom eyes still fixed at me.  
„ Yes. God, yes!Do it, Roger! Show me! Show me what you^ve got ! »  
« Fuuuuuck » he hisses when he thrusts in again and droplets of precum fall to the floor as he fucks himself almost violently, screaming of pleasure.

*This is too much! Way too much!I have to fuck him!*  
It is easy to free myself once i really try, and I have my pants down in a spit second, slamming Roger against the kitchen counter and bury myself into him.  
„ Thats better…much better“ he moans. It takes only four or five deep hard thrusts and he comes, two more and I follow.

We sit on the kitchen floor, leaned at the counter sharing a cigarette. The champagne glasses are refilled and we smile at each other.  
« Ah. » Roger sighs. « I love our kids , I really do, but a free evening is prizeless, isn^t it ? »


	11. Pressure off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more sex, all day life and a happy family

«Oh yes. Especially when the free evening is a free night ! » I grin .  
I^m still dressed, my pants pooled around my ankles and Roger bends for my shoes to open the laces.  
„ Now that you mention it“ he chuckles. The shoes land in one corner, the pants in another and he starts to unbutton my shirt.  
I close my eyes, enjoying the feeling of his hands on my skin, those strong calloused hands.  
To imagine them touching me had given me wet dreams for years. I feel his warm breath in my face before our lips meet, and again this contrast between stubbles and soft lips, the masculine hand on the back of my neck and this tender tongue makes me nuts.  
The kiss deepens and soon we are moaning into each other^s mouthes and he pulls me over him to sit astraddle on his lab. Not breaking the kiss he brings our cocks together between his palms, pressing and rubbing them gently until we both are hard again.  
His entrance is still ready and willing to take me , slippery and sticky of lube and my cum and I glide in without any resistance. He grabs my hips, forcing me deeper .  
My eyes snap open to meet his lustful gaze and the sight of his face, this expression of pure lust, makes me moan.  
„God, I want a photo of this, a photo of that face of your^s , Roger. » I whisper, cupping his cheeks with my hands. « You are beautiful. So beautiful »

We drive to the kindergarten together the next morning. Roger thinks the kindergarten teachers should meet me, in case I have to pick up Bonsai sometimes and we both know it^s also about the other parents who would be there as there is a breakfast planned with kids , teachers and parents.  
We are tired, very tired, but full of energy at the same time. One of the paradoxons good sex has to offer. We can^t stop smiling and touching, even as we walk into the kindergarten building.  
Another first *official* appearance as a couple and somehow I^m very touched, because it makes me feel like being Bonsai^s real stepfather.  
„Nickyyyy!“ Elliot beams when he spots us and we have everyone^s attention.  
He jumps in my arms and almost knocks me down, but there are drummer arms to hold me and the owner of this arms chuckles quietly into my ear as his son plants a wet kiss on my cheek before he leans over to him. „Daddy, daddy, we were awake until three! I never have been awake thaaat long!“  
„Wow. That^s great, Elliot. What stories did you hear?“  
„Bear and Tiger and Winnie the Pooh and…and… i dunno! Can I show Nicky around?“  
„Of course, Bonsai. I^ll go to say hi to the others, ok?   
The little man is all eager to show me the rooms and introduce me to his friends, his tiny hand in mine and beaming all over.  
God, am I proud! And happy.   
„That^s Lisa. Lisa is my friend!“ he smiles when we meet a blonde girl and her dad.  
„Ell-i-ot!“ she hugs him tightly and me and her dad are winking at each other.  
„Hi, are you Elliot^s dad ? This is my dad ! »   
« Nicky is my dad^s boyfriend » Bonsai says, matter-of-factly « They are gay. »  
He makes it sound like it^s the most normal thing in the world and my, have i mentioned that I^m proud ?  
„Hello Lisa, I^m Nick  
„Nice to meet you, I^m Raymond“ Lisa^s dad says and we both laugh as the girl grabs Bonsai^s hand, dragging him away „ I have to show you something, come with me!“  
„Quite bossy, my daughter, huh?“ Raymond chuckles and together we go back into the main room where the breakfast is set up.

My man is surounded by women, moms and kindergarten teachers, displaying all his charme and his laughter, this long missed laughter , which almost has killed me when I heard it at Simon^s party warms my heart.  
„Elliot^s dad?“ Raymond grins. « good to know he’s gay, my wife is way too close, if you ask me ! »  
« Hey Nick ! » Like always he has sensed me somehow « Come over ! We are having fun here ! »  
„Oh my god! I knew it! It^s really you¨“ one of the moms blurts. „Ladies! You know those two, don^t you? My , I wanted to marry John Taylor when I was 15“  
„Stand in line“ I laugh and sit beside Roger.  
„Oh! I got it, i got it…you^re the drummer, aren^t you?“ another one says. „ Sorry, i can^t remember your name..“  
„It^s Roger. Roger Taylor. Not the one from Queen“ he sighs. „ Me is the quite shy one in the background and no one remembers me!“  
„You poor thing“ I grin, patting his shoulder.  
„Oh, I surely remember you, man! You caused a lot of hormonal trouble to my 13 year old self ! No clue how often I watched you taking off your shirt in slow motion ! « a brunette smiles, blushing slightly.  
« When did you start to play your instument ? » a tiny readhead grins, not daring to quote the legendary *Two hands*-part in a room full of four year olds…and husbands, haha !   
« Thanks again, Mister Lebon » Roger rolls his eyes. " This will haunt me to the grave!"

This morning goes pretty well, there was not a hint of disgust or something and we are holding hands the whole time. Takes me a lot of willpower not to kiss Roger, but our smiles and those little touches speak volumes, I guess.

Raymond is one cool guy and we talk a lot until one of the teachers comes over.  
« Do you know that Lisa and Elliot are our very first official couple ? We caught them snoggling several times. » 

« Oh my, they start early these days, huh ? » Ray laughs and his wife Anne grins „Well, our daughter has good taste!“  
They invite us for dinner the next day and I tell them that , beside Elliot, there^s James, Ellea and Tatjana plus my ex-wife.

„That^s cool, You are all welcome!“ Anne assures. «We have a 15 year old son. Julian . The Smith-family will be happy to have you »

 

„You need a driving license Nicky“ Roger sighs the next day. Jules refuses to drive in the UK , the left-hand traffic is simply not her^s, and surely we don^t fit all in one car.  
« Not as long as there are taxis ! » I shrug and Jules elbows my boyfriend « arrogant assfucker peacock snob, huh ? »

Bonsai, Jules and I take a taxi and Rog has the others in the car, we meet in front of the Smith^s and a very excited Lisa shoots out of the frontdoor.  
« ELL-I –OOOOT »  
« Lisaaaa »   
We all try hard to hide the grins when the two hug and I hear Roger chuckle as his son cups the little girl^s cheeks with his tiny hands and kisses her nose.  
„Aaaaw“ Tatji sighs „ How cute!“ She blushes and it takes me a while to get why. There is a boy leaning in the doorway, his posture all the rebellious James-Dean- attitude.  
„Hi!“ he waves lazily. „ Me is Julian.“   
„Tatjana“ my daughter beams.  
„You have amazing eyes, Tatjana“ the boy says and again we all try to stifle the grins.  
„My daughter just has lost her heart to an James Dean-clone“ I whisper to Roger „ Damm those genes!“  
„Let^s hope they won^t torture each other for 19 years“ he winks and we have to kiss shortly.  
Not much later the dining room of the Smith^is filled with laughter and the fantastic smell of indian food.  
I notice that Julian glances at Roger several times and finally he asks : « Er…Mister Taylor ? »  
« it^s Roger, Julian, ok ?“  
Ok…so..Roger…would you like to see my drumkit?“  
„You play drums?“ Tatjana smiles and he blushes.  
„Yeah, well, I try to…still learning.“  
„That^s cool! Jay plays guitar and i sing. We could have a band ! We can go to Barnes and play in Roger^s studio ! » Tatji beams.  
„Tatjana Lee Orchid, maybe you should ask Roger first before you are making plans here!“ Jules grins.  
„Roooog??? Pleeeaaaase!“ Tatjana gives him the very best puppy eyes .  
„Sure, why not.“ 

„Thank you! You^re the best other dad of all!“   
So after dinner Julian, James Tatjana and Roger disappear into the cellar, Bonsai and Lisa rush into the giri^s room and Ellea elbows me. „ Tatji is lovey-dovey“ she grins.  
„Looks like that¨“ I return the grin.  
„With a drummer boy“ she giggles.  
„I can’t blame her!“ I wink and we laugh. Much to my surprise she leans her head against my chest and says „I^m glad“   
Carefully I lay an arm around her. She^s the one who has always kept some distance to me somehow. Not that she doesn^t like me or something, i know she does. She^s just not as open as her brothers, especially when it comes to hugs and such.  
„About what, Ellea?“   
„That we are a family. That you and daddy are happy. That you treat me like your own daughter.“  
Everyone at the table is very quiet and I swallow hard.  
„I^m glad, too, Ellea. Very glad. And I^m happy, not only because of your dad. I^m happy that your dad brought you three into my life“  
For the very first time Ellea kisses me, right on the mouth, and we both have to cry a bit.

 

Roger cries, too, when I tell him the story later, in bed.


	12. Girl panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very emotional trip to Naples

Roger cries, too, when I tell him the story later, in bed, and he tells me about the day Giovanna left.  
„I woke up late.Elliot had a bad night and I spent half the night walking around in the house with a crying baby.   
We had a deal, Gio and I. The one who stays up at night for the baby is allowed to sleep in the morning, the other one takes care about Ellea and James. Breakfast, school, kindergarten, so there was nothing strange about waking up at 11. The moment I came into the kitchen, I knew that something wasn^t right, though.  
James and Ellea were sitting at the table, they should have been long gone.  
I will never forget Jay^s face when he handed me that note and I still clearly see every word :  
*I^m sorry. I can^t. I just can^t.*  
That was it.   
I spent the whole day on the phone, calling her parents, brother, friends.No one knew where she was. Ands and Trace came over to take care for the kids. The next day one of her best friends called me. I guess she had a sore concience, and she told me about that italian guy Gio had an affair with for more than a year.  
More than a year, Nicky ,and I was absolutely unaware of that ! I…god, the moment when I realized that Elliot…my sweet little boy…that he could be the son of another man…“ he takes a deep breath, not able to speak any more.

„Roger! There is no test needed! Bonsai is your clone. He^s your son., without any doubt he^s your son ! »  
« I know, Nicky. I know he is. It was just that one moment. I never made a test, though. He^s my son. Period. That friend gave me the name of…her affair. Took me 3 weeks to find him and I called. Funny enough he was as shocked as I was, because he never knew that she^s married and has kids. When she was pregnant with Elliot, she told him it^s his child and when he was born …she said she has lost the baby. Can you imagine that? She told him Elliot would be DEAD! Then she said she^d need some time alone, and when she stood in front of his door almost after a month, he was too happy to question something. The eyes of love are blind, so to speak. He brought her to Italy into hospital, because something was definetly wrong with her and he thought it^s because the loss of the baby. To cut a long story short: he confronted her with his knowledge and she was still denying it. That^s when they put her into the psychiatric ward.  
I was in contact with Lorenzo the whole time and I have to say he was a great help. It took Gio almost a year until she was able to speak to me.  
We started to talk on the phone and in 98 I flew to Naples with Ellea. As I told you, James didn^t want to meet her, he even refused to talk to her.He still does.She accepts that. She is still writing him letters, though, and he keeps sending them back unopened. When it comes to Elliot…I sent her photos. I^m still sending her photos.But I^m not ready to let them meet. Is that egoistic, Nicky? She^s his mother.“

I pulled him as close as I could. « I don^t know, Roger. I have no clue what I would do. Maybe it’s the best to let Bonsai decide.What have you told him about his mother ? »  
« That she was seriously ill …what isn^t even a lie.. and that maybe one day she will be healthy enough to see him. The thing is, Nicky, they are all happy now with the way it is, and maybe it^s better to leave it at that.“  
„Rog…“ I start, and I don^t want to say what I^m saying now, because I would love to leave it at that, i would love to ignore the fact that my stepkids have a mother. „ Roger…I think Bonsai has the right to meet his mom. If he wants that.“  
„I^m scared, Nick!“  
„i know. I^m here, luv. I^m here and I won^t leave. Together we^ll find a way.“  
We both can^t sleep that night, we are just holding us, sharing little kisses. A strong unit, we are, and there^s nothing to come between us.

 

London, June 2000.  
Perhaps it’s some sort of fate that this Saturday morning another letter from Gio arrives, adressed to James.And a second one, adressed to Elliot.  
They are all sitting around the table, having a late breakfast when i come in with today’s post.  
Wordlessly i handed Jay the envelope. He looks at it shortlyand puts it aside.  
Roger and I change a glance and Ellea asks :  
« Mom again ? »   
« Hm » her brother murmurs.  
„Maybe it^s time to give her a chance, James“ Roger says quietly.  
« She had her chance. She fucked up.“he blurts  
„F-word, f-word!“ Elliot giggles „ Jay has to clean the kitchen!“  
„There’s a letter for Bonsa..“ i start and in a split second Jay yanks this letter out of my hand and shreds it into pieces to storm out afterwards.  
„That was MY letter! I got a letter! I want my letter!“ Bonsai shriekes and breaks out in tears.“ Daddyyyy! I WANT MY LETTER!“  
While Roger is busy with an hysteric child, I follow James. Again i have to say things i don^t really want to say.   
« Hey » I poke my head in his room. „ can I come in?“  
„Hm“   
„ How many letters did you get so far?“ I ask when I sit beside him on the bed.  
„ Dunno. I don^t count them“  
„She won^t give up, James.“  
„I don’t care. She isn’t my mom any more. I don^t need her. I have dad…and you. » I almost die when he leans against me and yet again I carefully lay an arm around a Taylor-kid.  
„ James..let me be honest.I would be happy if she won^t write, if she won^t call…I would be happy to ignore her, believe me.I think she doesn^t deserve you. But you know what? That^s selfish. It^s pure egoism and yeah, it^s jealousy, I admit. It^s HER who needs YOU, Jay.try to forgive her. She fucked up. Yes. She fucked up big time.But keep in mind that she was suffering from depression ! »  
„Well, she wasn^t suffering from depression when she started to meet this other man, right? She cheated on dad. She cheated on US.“  
„She cheated on ROGER, yes, but this has nothing to do with you. I cheated on Jules and it was never about Tatjana. Never ! »  
« Why did you cheat on her ? »  
« I…I was chasing after something I thought i would never have again.A feeling that i once had and wanted to feel again. It never worked, though. For her, it obviously worked. She is still with that man, isn’t she ? I can^t comprehent why anyone would cheat on your dad, really not. But there^s just one way to find out : Ask her, James. Talk to her and ask her.Let her tell you her side of the story.“  
„What were you chasing after, Nick?“  
„Come on, James, you know that! «   
« You cheated on Jules with men ? »   
« Exactly ! » I nod.  
« So there^s no need to cheat any more?“  
„No, James, I have finally found what I was chasing after. And I want the man I love to be happy. I want the kids of the man I love to be happy. And you will never be happy, James, if you won^t forgive your mother.“

 

It^s the day after my 38th birthday when we enter a plane to Naples.  
We have rent a house directly above the gulf of Naples. Elliot thinks we^d go for a vacation and well, if everything would work, we would have some sort of vacation, right ? If not…i don^t want to think about that.

The house is fantastic, at least. Even James has to admit that. We spend the first day in Italy in the pool and even under those peculiar circumstances I enjoy the sight of Roger in speedos. It almost feels like a family vacation with all the kids in bathing shorts and swimsuits, with the sun and the blue sea.

I change a look with my daughter.  
First morning in Naples, half past nine, and the doorbell rings.  
I swallow hard when Bonsai bounces off to open the door.  
„Here we go“ Roger mutters, squeezing his elder son^s shoulder before he follows his littlest, Ellea right behind.  
James remaines seated, arms crossed , pretending to be cool as fuck, but I see the white of his nuckles and his slightly trembling lips.  
„Give me your hand“ Tatji says quietly. « Give me your hand, James ! »   
I^m surprised when he does.  
« We have guests , Nickyyy » The cannon ball lands in my lab.  
There^s Gio. Gio with Ellea in her arms, and if there won^t be a little boy in my lab, I^d mirror James^pose from before.  
I^m cool as fuck. Cool as fuck. I^m the arrogant assfucker peacock, baby.  
A man follows. Must be Lorenzo, and then Roger.  
„Bon giorno“ Gio says quietly, not daring to look at James.  
« Uh ! » Elliot beams. « That^s italian, Nicky ! »  
„Si“ I nod,   
When Roger and I have talked about this meeting we both thought that it would be best to be all honest from the beginning on, so I ask. „ Do you know who that is, Bonsai?“  
„Nooo“   
„ That^s your mommy“ I almost choke on this word, mommy.  
„Oh“ slowly he slips from my lab, reaches out his tiny hand and says „ Huh-looo. I^m Elliot Dante Taylor“  
Roger makes a strange noise and I wish I could hold him now.  
„I know who you are, Elliot. I^m Giovanna. » I can tell that she fights hard not to fling her arms around him. „ I^m your mom.“  
„You are not. You may have given birth to him but you are not his mom.“ Jay yells as he jumps up and for a short moment we all think that he^ll punch Gio right in the face, but he throws himself into her open arms, sobbing heartbreakingly.  
Roger is shaking like a leaf and Lorenzo looks completely helpless.  
Mister cool as fuck has to help.  
„ Gentlemen, Tatji“ One arm around Roger, one arm around Lorenzo, I guide them out into the garden and Tatjana follows. Gio and the kids need some time without us.


	13. Perfect day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, everything turns out to be perfect....

„ I don^t ..I don^t want Elliot to be alone with her!“ Roger almost cries.  
„He isn^t alone with her. Jay and Ellea are there!“ I sooth.  
„ I don^t want THEM to be alone with her!“ he blurts 

*me neither, luv, me neither.*

« Hey, give her a chance, will you ? » Lorenzo quietly begs. « Please ! »  
« You have no clue , Lorenzo ! You have no clue what it feels like when you wake up and your wife, the one you have been with for over 15 years, is gone ! You have no clue how much it hurts when your daughter cries herself to sleep every single fucking night ! When your son becomes a brutal bully boy and you get calls from his teachers every day. You have no fucking clue , believe me ! »  
« No, you^re right, I haven^t. I^m sorry, Roger, and I apologized to you many times before. I know it^s not comparable, but it isn^t so funny to be called by your girlfriend^s husband, to find out that everything she told me was a lie.But it^s 4 years ago now. All she wants is some time with the kids, yeah ?Just every once in a while. Not more. Please, Roger!“

„I try, Lorenzo. We are here, aren^t we? Right now I wish we weren^t, though. But I try.“

 

Giovanna and Lorenzo leave after two hours and we would meet the next day again. Elliot is all puzzled and he crawls into our bed that night, snoggling against his dad and Roger holds him close.  
I can^t sleep and I don^t want to disturb their closeness, so I go out into the garden and sit by the pool, lighting a cigarette.  
I nearly jumped when I hear someone clearing his throat. It^s James and he sits beside me.  
„What a day, hm?“ I reach out a hand to ruffle his hair, a helpless, awkward gesture of support.  
« Hmhm. »  
« Wanna talk ? »  
« No. Not yet. No offence. » I feel his hand in mine.  
„That^s ok“I pull him close and the moment his head touches my chest, he starts to cry.

As odd as it may sounds, the morning after , when I come into the kitchen to find them all sitting there, Roger, Bonsai, Tatji , Ellea and James. I know that everything will be fine.  
We are a family. And like so many other families these days, we have to deal with ex-partners and partners of ex-partners., with hurt and anger.We have to deal with our own past. And we will, and it will be fine.

Gio and Lorenzo have invited us to their place for lunch and this time I make quite a statement, not letting go of Roger^s hand , and he leans his head against my shoulder. Tatji jokes around with Jay and Elliot sits in my lab while Ellea tries to teach him some italian.   
They all are showing quite clear, wittingly or unwittingly: WE ARE FAMILY.  
I am all surprised when Giovanna wants to talk to me alone after lunch and follow her into the house, as we had our meal at the terrace.  
„I just…thank you.“ She pours us a grappa.. « Thank you, Nick. »  
« What for ? »  
« For loving them. For giving them a home. Ellea mails me a lot, you know.And..Elliot…he^s… »  
Dang. I really have experienced some very strange situations in my life, but holding Roger^s crying ex-wife in my arms is by far the strangest ever.  
„You think I^m a monster, don^t you ? To cheat on Roger, to leave the kids… » she sobs.  
« I don^t understand it, Giovanna, and I WILL never understand it, but I don^t think you^re a monster.There have been times when I truely madly deeply hated you, yes, but that^s long ago. And I admit that life would be easier …well, without you. But I^m not made for an easy life, I guess. Can I ask you something, though?“  
« Yeah ? »  
« Why did you…why Lorenzo ? I got it that you left because of depression. I got it that you needed help. But why all those lies?“  
She sighs hard and remains quiet for a while before she says „ I don^t know. ..first, it was only curiousity. I have never… I had never been with another man. There was always only Roger, you know ? And then there`s this charming italian guy in this bar and I took my wedding ring off and told him I^m a dancer. I created a life I never had..and it became some sort of …I dunno…parallel universe or something. It felt good. HE felt good. God, I know how that sounds, Nick… but it was like an addiction. I can’t explain any better, sorry.“  
„Giovanna…Elliot..“ Fuck, I can’t believe what i^m saying.  
„Is Roger^s son. With no doubt. It wasn^t that obvious when he was born. I made a test. It’s quite obvious NOW, though, isn’t it? Er.. I know, I don^t have the right to ask that, but…you and Roger…I mean…since when?“  
Ah. Of course she want^s to know if Roger possibly maybe has ever cheated on HER.  
„I love Roger since 1978, since I first saw him. And we …we had a night together in ^81. But he was in love with YOU, and that^s why he finally left the band“  
„ So that was when you truely madly deeply hated me, I guess.“ She smiles coyly.  
„No, Gio, I hated you when you married him. When he left I hated myself. I don^t know what he has told you, or what Ellea said about us, but let me tell you, now that I.. that I have him, I^d fight to death to keep him . So don^t mess this up, Giovanna, don^t mess this up yet again. Don^t try to take the kids away from him. From US.“ Now that I speak it out I realize that I have feared that since the scene with the letters. A mother, recovered from depression, trying to get her children back. Trying to get her children back from a gay couple with what would soon be a dubious rock star lifestyle again. The chances are all her^s I^d say.  
„I won^t. I have already proved that I^m not the world^s best mom, and Roger…well, he has proved that he is the best dad. As I said, Nick, I thank you for…for loving them. If I…if one day , maybe, if they want, I can have them over school holidays or if I could visit you in London every once in a while, I^d be all happy, ok? I don^t have custody for the kids. I signed a paper when we got divorced.It^s the best for all of us to leave it like it is“  
The relief I feel is overwhelming.

London, July 2000  
„Hello, you precious bunch of muscles“ I smile when Roger comes back from the gym. „I^m happy to tell you that everyone is out. Ellea went to the cinema with Saffron and Yasmin, Anne has just picked up Bonsai to spend the afternoon with Lisa, Tatji and James are in Barnes with Jul… whaaa… »He has me pinned against the wall before I can end the sentence, his lips on mine and his hands fumbling with the buttons of my pants. I won^t complain, but there is something really violent in his moves, something that is just not him.  
« Hey ! » I pant, pushing my hands against his chest. « You hurt me ! »  
« That^s fine. » he growls . „ That^s what I want.“  
„Roger, what the hell? Stop that, for fuck^s sake!“  
Something is indeed very wrong here.  
„ Warren“ he blurts when he steps back. „ You should have told me about Warren!“

France, February `95

« I don^t get it » I sigh. « Roger has agreed to play on the album and to appear in the perfect day vid, but he won^t come over ? How will that work ? »  
« He will play his parts in his own studio and for the video we^ll use blue screen technology.“ Charlie explains. „ He says he^s too busy to come over.“  
*Too busy. Of course. *  
I don^t know how to feel about that. When Simon has told me that he asked Roger to come back, I almost swooned. One minute I hope he^d show up, the other I wish he^d not.  
He refused, Roger, not so much of a surprise, but he admitted that he has missed to play and he likes the idea of a cover album, he likes the songs we have chosen , so he^d like to do at least some drum parts for it.

It^s almost 10 years that I haven^t seen him, and he^s hiding away pretty well.  
There^s hardly any information to find about his life.  
I still have his phone number, but I don^t dare to call.

I sit by the window in the small hallway of the upper floor of the villa we are staying in, smoking, when Warren comes in.  
„Oh, looks like my fav place is occupied“ he grins.  
« Enough space for two here, Waz. »  
I like him. I think I have never met someone who is so completely happy with himself. Some may call that arrogance, but it isn^t . He knows he^s a great guitarist, he likes what the hard work in the gym does to his body. He freely admits that he^s bisexual.   
„Are you ok, controller?“ he winks when he sits opposite of me on the window cill. „ You are smoking too much these days“  
Warren is a real health fiend and can be quite annoying at this point.  
„ Yes, dad.“ I grin.  
„Seriously, Nicholas! Do you have stress? Is there something you want to talk about ? »

*There is this drummer, you know, I can^t forget him and I was hoping he^d rejoin and I was scared he^d rejoin and I can’t stop thinking of him..*  
„I^m fine, Waz. I only miss my daughter.“ I shrug.  
„ You surely do! Hey, join me in the gym. It’s good to do some work out, clears your head and such!“  
„Work out? ME?“ I chuckle .  
« Stress relief ! It works, believe me. » he assured.  
„I just have met this tiny precious french girl in the village, I bet she^s all in for some stress relief, Waz.“ I grin.

„ Oh. Yet another one? You are quite restless, aren^t you ? »

« Says the one who shags everyone who isn^t fast enough to run..“ I laugh. „ Girls AND boys“  
„I’m simply irresistible, what can I do?“ he grins broadly.  
« Yeah, Mr. Cuccurullo, you^re a sex god. » I smirk.  
« Is that an offer, Mister Rhodes ? » he wiggles his brows. „ Ah, you don’t do with men, huh?“  
„ I do. Occasionally.“ Dang! What^s that? Why have I said this ?

This night Mister Cuccurullo comes into my room. We don^t say a word. He gives me a blow job and I return the favour. Afterward he winks at me and leaves. We never talk about that.

« Faaab ! » Simon beams. « Way better than I thought ! »  
We are watching the final cut of the perfect day-video, and yeah, it^s fab. 

*Roger looks good. My, Roger looks good…*

I bump into Waz when I want to leave the studio. I have thought I am the last one who^s still here, since I have watched that video for hours, zooming at the drummer, playing it in slow motion, looking at stills of that face I haven’t seen for such a long time…  
„Forgot my jacket“ Warren smiles. „ What are you still doing here?“  
„Just had an idea for a keybord line“ I lie.  
I don^t know how it happened, but only minutes later Warren is holding at my keyboard and Ifuck him greedily, eyes closed and a certain drummer in mind.  
„Holy shit“ we hear Alex, the studio owner, but we can’t stop, not now, when we are both so close.  
„ Fuck off, Alex!“ Waz grunts.

London, july 2000  
„There^s nothing to tell about Warren, Roger. Warren is a good friend, we had sex once…twice, if a blow job counts. 1995, in France. Not more, not less.“ I say, matter of factly, wondering how the hell he has found out about that.  
„Alex told different. Alex said you were glued to each other.“  
Alex, ok. I almost laugh. I mean, what are the chances that your boyfriend meets the man who has caught you with another man more than 5 years ago?  
„If Alex told different, then Alex is a liar. » I simply say. « Warren is a friend, we have spent much time together, yes. He turned me into a vegetarian and he forced me to quit smoking. He^s a brilliant guitarist and a honest man. We had sex twice. That^s it. » I pull Roger close and he relaxes in my arms.  
„Sorry.“ He mutters. „it^s just… I thought it^s more than that.“  
„It isn^t . it wasn^t. He sneaked into my room when we were in France, recording *Thank you. * Charlie had just told us that you won^t rejoin and I …I didn`t know how to feel about that.  
And the scene in the studio, the one Alex has seen…I only was still there because I watched that video over and over again…the drummer , in particular.“  
„Nicky“ he chuckles as he starts to unbutton my shirt. « Do me a favour and stop blaming me for having sex with other men ! »  
« I don^t have to blame you any more. » I grin. « And I don^t want to have sex with other men.Need a prove?“  
„ Yes, please.“ Roger takes my hand and guides me into the bedroom, where he pushes me onto the bed. „ I want you naked. I want you in me.“   
„My pleasure“ I say hoarseley, watching him undressing himself.   
„On your back, drummer.“ I command when he^s naked and he lays down , grinning at me with this naughty, mischievious Roger-smile. Now it^s me who gets rid of the clothes before I join him in bed. I don^t lose time and dive directly between his legs to lick his already pulsing entrance.  
God, his reactions…those moans, his hands in my hair… I have to come up to look at him and find his dark eyes wide open, watching what I do here.  
„I have never done this with others, Roger.“ I pant.  
„Poor others, they don^t know what they have missed » he smiles, rocking his hips.  
« I don^t think there^s someone who loves that as much as you do, my greedy thing. I wonder if I can make you come with my tongue in your ass only. » With that, I go down on him again.  
« Pretty sure you can » he moans and I spread his cheeks for better access, fucking him with my tongue, licking inside and out , and Roger clutches the sheets not to touch himself, his legs looped around my back, precum dripping onto his stomach.  
« Oh yes !!! God, YES ! Don^t stop ! Please, don^t stop, don^t…aaaah »  
He^s still spilling his semen when I enter him and he never stops screaming my name. Dear god, it feels like his orgasm would never stop. The contractions of his muscles are literally milking me and when I shoot deep into him, he squirts again, shaking all over.

„Uh…Uh…fuck…waah. Fuck“ he pants and the completely outspaced look in his eyes makes me laugh.  
„You^re such a phenomenon“I grin, licking the cum from his skin.  
„ Ah..no…don^t …I ..that^s too much..I..“ He grabs my shoulders to pull me up, to pull me over him and we lay skin on skin, sticky and sweaty, eyes locked at each other.  
He still shivers under me, still tries to catch his breath while he holds me close and the smile creeping over his face now is simply magnificent.  
« Wow » he chuckles. « Wow ! I didn^t know that^s possible“  
« Me neither. But bloody hell, I fucking love it ! » I kiss him deeply and he flungs his legs around me again, still smiling.

In the early evening, when everyone is back, we decide to go out for dinner all together, including Anne, Julian and Lisa.  
„They are holding hands under the table“ Roger whispers into my ear.  
„Tatji and Julian or Lisa and Elliot?“ I grin.  
„Everyone!“ he giggles.  
„it^s in the family, huh?“ I take his hand, the one I^m holding since whe sit at the table, to my lips to kiss his knuckles.  
„Ellea!“ Anne sighs. „ Ellea, would you come over and give me a hug? I feel left out ! »

Bonsai is in bed, Roger and James are playing a round of Galaga and Ellea takes a bath when I knock at Tatji^s door.  
Time for some father-daughter-talk.  
„Come in, dad.“  
I sit beside her on the bed. „Hey!“   
„Hey yourself.“  
„You and Julian, huh?“  
„Hmhm“ she nods- „ He^s cute, isn^t he?“  
„Well, as a gay man I ^m on dangerous ground to call a 15 year old boy cute, but yes, I think he is.“I smile.  
« And he^s smart, And he^s talented. And i love watching him playing drums. I think it^s sexy as hell!Do you think that^s odd?“  
„ Who, me?“ I chuckle and we both have to laugh.  
„Tatjana…“ I start and she rolls her eyes.  
„Please , daddy, not THAT kind of talk! We¨re not having sex and we^re not planning to have sex anytime soon, and IF that changes I will let you know, ok?“  
„ You know that you can talk to me about such things, yeah? About sex. I don^t want to hear any details, unless you want to tell me, but I want to know when you and Julian take a step forward, ok ? If you have questions… »  
« Yeah, I actually have a question. A very private one, though. » she blushes a bit.  
« How can’t it be private when it^s about sex?“ I wonder and she giggles quietly.  
„I have this friend in school, Susannah. She has a boyfriend and she says they are not having sex, because sex is, when you sleep with each other , everything else isn^t. We had quite an arguement about that. She is telling everyone that she… she had …she had his penis in her mouth and how much he loves it…i just thought *eeeeew*…but… do boys like that?“  
« Most of them do, I guess » I say vaguely, secretly quite happy about the *eeew*-part. Looks like sex won^t be an issue anytime soon. But then, Julian is two years older than her and maybe it^s an issue for him.  
„Tatji, the most important thing when it comes to sex is that both want it, that both are ready for it.Don`t ever do something you don^t want to do, just because * all others have done it* or because someone tells you that * if you love me, you would do it*. Only do what feels right for you, no matter what others are telling you, no matter what your boyfriend is telling you. Sex is wonderful and it^s …to find out what you like and what the other one likes is an important part of it. So find it out for yourself and don^t listen to others when you do. Be honest to yourself and to the one who matters“

„You haven^t been honest to yourself!“ she points out.  
« It^s not that i didn^t like to have sex with women, Tatjana. I just like it much more to have sex with Roger. Took me a loooong time to admit this to myself, though, so yeah, you^re right, I probably wasn^t very honest to myself at that point. Please don^t make the same mistake. »  
« I won¨t. Promised ! You know what^s cool?“  
„What?“  
„That I can ask you such things and I know that you know what I am talking about…ack, this is an odd sentence,but you know what I mean“  
„I know, you know?“ we grin at each other.  
„Do you think Roger would give Julian some drum lessons? He is a big fan of Roger, and he doesn¨t dare to ask.By the way, i^m a big fan of Roger, too. Glad to have him as my other dad.“  
„ I think your other dad whould be happy to share his knowledge with your boyfriend, Tatjana.“  
We hug goodnight and there^s this song playing in my head which I quote to Roger when we are in bed.  
„It^s such a perfect day, I^m glad I spend it with you ! »  
« I love you too, Nicky. » he smiles when one hairy leg loopes around me and a strong arm pulls me close.


	14. Taste the summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A vacation  
> New friends  
> More sex

London, August 2000  
Tatji and Julian are snoggling each other to death and we all respectfully look in another direction until the boarding starts and my daughter remembers that we are all here.  
She hugs everyone and at least we all get kisses.  
„Behave!“ I wink . „ Don^t drive your mom nuts.“  
I^m a bit sad that we won^t celebrate her 14th birthday together, but this time Jules will have all the fun. They have planned to visit the Universal Studios that day.  
We wave her goodbye until she^s out of sight and I lie an arm around Julian.   
„We will survive 3 weeks, huh?“ I grin.  
„ Probably.“ he shrugs.

It^s a very warm summer for England and we are going to Brighton with the kids.  
The trouble starts at the hotel reception.  
„I^m sorry, we are overbooked, we don^t have a family suite for you“ the manager says, quite unfriendly.  
« But we have booked it days ago and got a confirmation for the suite » Roger is all the way annoyed.  
« I^m sorry, sir ! »  
„Excuse me,Mister Talbot“ the female assistant behind the desk interupts.   
« You are wrong, the family suite is booked for those gentlemen and their kids.“  
Mister Talbot obviously isn^t happy . He crosses his arms, looking coldly at us. « Can at least one of you prove that he^s the father of those kids ? »  
„They are my kids. What is your problem, Mister Talbot? You don^t want rainbow families in your hotel?“ The look in the face of the assistant says that Roger is right about that.  
„Well, Mister…er…Taylor, we have strict rules when it comes to men bringing children in our hotel“   
„Pfttt“ the woman will probably have some trouble for her comments, but she doesn^t seem to care.  
„Mister Talbot, do you know that Mister Taylor and Mister Rhodes are very prominent? You don^t want bad press, do you? Especially since it would be the third time that someone would accuse you of homophobia, right?“  
„Seriously?‘“ Jay snorts. „ I don^t think I want to stay here at all, then!“  
„What is homo…homopho…er?“ Bonsai asks, tugging at his dad^s shirt.  
„ Homophobia, Elliot. That means that someone doesn^t like gay people. » he explains calmly.  
« Thaaat means he^s a fucking idiot ! » Bonsai stomps his feet and the assistant giggles.  
« Yeah, Elliot, that^s exactly what it means » Roger nods, still all calm. « I tell you what you will do now, Mister Talbot. You will get us another suite in another hotel in the next ten minutes, or that smart Lady here is right and we^ll call a few reporters. Miss, if you are having any trouble about being a very nice person, please give us a call. »  
« Never mind, I^m under notice to leave already, this is my very last day here. I^d be happy to book something for you in another hotel, the family suites should be free there. If you don^t have plans for tonight yet, my girlfriend and I would like to meet up with you guys at * Fratelli^s*, our fav italian restaurant.“ She winks.  
„Yaaaay, pizzaaaa“ Bonsai screams and we all have to laugh.

 

With the help of a lesbian assistant we have another place to stay in no time and we meet her, Mia, and her girlfriend Greta for dinner.  
We almost laugh at the sight of the couple. Mia, a small curvy one with short black hair, Greta a tall skinny blonde who reminds me of the young Farrah Fawcett.“  
„You are allowed to laugh“ Mia winks „ We are used to it! Glad that you could make it. Hey Elliot, do you want to try my faw pizza?“  
„Yeeees! With Colaaaa!“   
We order Chianti for the adults and Bonsai happily sips his Cola.  
The women tell us that they are a couple since Mia is 16 and she run away from home with her ten years older lover.  
Mia, now 20, never has contact to her parents ever since.  
« Did they throw you out ? » Ellea wonders.  
« Yes, cutie, they were not happy with Greta. They wanted me to be * normal*. They are very religious, you know, and they think loving a girl is a sin. »  
« Fucking idiots ! » Elliot grins.  
« Duh, Bonsai, you are right, but I would be happy if you could skip the f-word. Yeah ? » Roger chuckles.  
« You^re a smart little man. Elliot. » Greta smiles . « I like you ! »  
« Uh…I like you too, Gretaaa ! «   
« Are you flirting, Elliot Dante ? I^ll tell Lisa ! » Jay grins and his little brother blushes.  
„Hey , you should tell the press anyway…about this ass-this Talbot-idiot.He earns it. He^s been such a pain in the…he^s been pretty mean!“ Mia stutters. „ Sorry, I^m not used to be around kids!“  
„Did he bully you?“ James asks.  
« Big time, mate, big time ! He saw Greta picking me up after work.We kissed, from this day on work was pure horror. He…made offers, you know? Said, I^d need a * real man* and such…that he wants to watch us…having sex“ She glances at Elliot.  
„How disgusting!“ Ellea is shocked. „ You should have gone to the police! It^s sexual harrassment. »  
« My, you really have some smart kids, Roger…er…they are your^s, are^nt they?“ Greta wants to know.  
„Yeah, they are. Nick^s princess is in the US, visiting her mother“  
„Well, you are doing a great job obviously.How^s it for you kids…having two dads ? »   
„Miaaaa!“ Greta rolls her eyes. „ She^s obsessed with kids. She would like to have a whole soccer team! I think it^s too early to have children and I worry that they would be bullied.“  
„Some are bullying us, that^s right“ Ellea nods. „ But we don^t care. Most of the time. It^s not funny, though, but there are not as many as you may think, and it^s definetly worse to be offended by someone like Mister Talbot. »  
« I can^t count how many times I have been called an assfucker » Jay sighs « but… »  
« Daddyyy ! « Bonsai interupts. « What is an assfucker ? »  
« Something I don^t want to explain to a 3 year old, Elliot. Thank you very much, James !“  
„ No fuss, dad! It^s when men do have sex, Bonsai.“ James says casually.  
«Oh-keeey. »  
Well, Roger and I are very happy that the waitress appears with the food at that moment.  
My man would have a serious talk with his eldest later, I guess.

 

It’s very late when we are back in the hotel and Elliot has fallen asleep in the taxi, in one of two we had to take.  
Roger brings him to bed and Ellea kisses us goodnight. As soon as she’s in her room, Rog turns to James.  
„Would you please mind your tongue when Elliot is around, yeah?“  
« Sorry, I wasn^t thinking. But anyway, dad, don^t make such a fuss about it. Even Bonsai knows that you have sex. He may not know any details, and he surely isn^t interested in any details, but I don^t think you should lie to him if he asks. Information given, problem solved. » he shrugs.  
Roger grins at me « He^s such a smart ass, isn’t he?“

We are at Brighton beach with Mia and Greta when we hear someone calling our names.  
„Nicholas! Rog!“  
To our surprise it^s Yasmin. And the black godess.  
Ellea is beaming all over. She has spent a lot of time with the LeBons during the last weeks, and Saffron and her are really close friends by now.  
„ Hey!“ I had no clue that you^re staying in Brighton!“ The models hug us.  
„Nooomi“ Elliot truly madly deeply loves that woman, and his love is very much reciprocated.  
„Ell, my little friend! How are you, hon?“  
„Faaab! Look, Nomi, look, Mia and I have built a castle!“  
„Wow! You^re a great builder, Ell! And this is Mia, i guess?“ She smiles at the curvy woman, reaching out a hand.   
Once everyone is greeted, the two sit on the blanket with us and Yassie fetches a bottle of champagne out of her bag.  
We have a great afternoon all together.  
Yasmin elbows me „ Hey, we wanna go dancing in a gay club tonight, fancy to join us?“   
Yasmin has once told me that she always goes to gay clubs with her model friends. The gay community loves them and they won^t be harrassed by some horny heteros.  
« I would love to, Yas, but we are with the kids, as you see ! »  
„ We can look after them!“ Mia offers. Greta is all in.

„ Funny thing“ Roger says as we get ready to hit the club. « I^ve never been in a gay club before »  
„ Me neither. Premiere, so to speak“  
„ Oh really? I thought you were pretty eager for the darkrooms“ he grins.  
„Ah, no, I prefer to see the people I have sex with. The one I want to have sex with for the rest of my life, to be exact“ I chuckle, giving his firm ass a heartily squeeze.  
The kids are at Mia and Greta^s, so we don^t have to behave and we indeed take advantage of this, acting like teenagers.  
„ If you^ll put any more make-up on, you^ll look like a drag queen » Roger chuckles.  
„You want to be spanked hard, drummer, huh?“I toss a towel after him.  
„ Just try, Nicky, that will be fun!“   
He has me pinned to the floor and sits on my chest when there is a knock at the door.  
„Come in,ladies,it^s open“ Roger invites the visitors. Yas and Naomi laugh hard when they see us.  
„Uh, should we come back later?“ the godess grins.  
„Revenge“ I pant as he lets me goto hug the ladies.  
« A drink before we go ? » Roger suggests , heading for the bar.“ Oh, look, Nicky, they have vodka and orange juice! Want some?“  
That smile of him when he turns to me is an unspoken promise, and, to be honest, I am not so happy that we^ll go out now.  
„Only if they have plastic cups“ I smirk.  
We are already nicely squiffy when we leave for the club.  
The guests of that club totally freak out when the four of us appeared and we are encircled by men in a split second. Yassie and Naomi seem to be the only women in here.  
We spend the first 30 minutes or so signing autographs and having pictures taken, but then they leave us alone and we go to the bar, ordering cocktails.  
My, it^s fun.  
Naomi and Roger are having a blast on the dancefloor and I can^t take my eyes off of my man. He smiles and laughs all the time, not to mention that he^s incredibly sexy in those ripped jeans and a plain white tee.It^s slightly see-through and the dark shade of his chest hair is quite visible, so are the delicious nubs of his nipples.  
„Oh my“ the man standing beside Yasssie chuckles. „ I wish someone would look at me the way he looks at Rog.“  
„ That^s love, isn^t it? Hi, I^m Yasmin“  
„I know. Maurice, a pleasure to meet you. »  
« Hey Maurice ! I^m Nick and you owe me a drink. Because of you I have to interupt my staring, thank you very much!“ I chuckle.  
„ So sorry!“ he grins „ Well, I^d say YOU owe me a drink, your coming out almost caused a heart attack here. Godness. I wish you would have called me for that interview you have given my friend Lo uise. Although I think that the Brighton observer isn^t the right newspaper for such news !“  
„ My dear Maurice, you know what? I have a brilliant story for the Brighton observer! Can we sit down and talk ? » I wave Roger to come over and Naomi follows him right behind, so we go to the upper floor of the club which is a very cosy Lounge.  
« Ok, Roger, this is Maurice. Maurice is a reporter for the Brighton observer ! » I smile broadly and pull my drummer close. He immediately gets it. A gay reporter is the right one to tell the story of an homophobic hotel manager, huh?  
We tell Maurice, Yas and Naomi what has happened in the hotel the other day. The women are utterly shocked.  
Maurice leans back, grinning devilishly. „ You have no clue what a favour you are doing me here, guys! Reginald Talbot, my personal enemy since school days! I am dreaming of shredding him into pieces for ages! There have been other accuses, you say? I have to talk to this girl, Mia. Do you think she^s in it for? Let^s meet for lunch tomorrow , yeah? And can I talk to the kids? Wow, gentlemen, I have to admit that I wanted to marry John Taylor, but I have fallen completely in love with you two now! Champagne. We need champagne!

It^s almost 4 when we are back in the hotel, both of us quite drunk.  
„A nightcab, Nicky? Some vodka and orange juice maybe?“ That smile again. God. He^s killing me!  
„ Yes please. Hopefully there^s some gin for you. And don^t you think it^s pretty hot in here?“  
„Ah, yes, it really is!“ In one swift move he pulls the tee over his head before he turns to the bar, giving me that fantastic sight of his bare back once more.  
I^m somehow paralized when he walks towards me, drinks in hand, that smile…  
I have been prepared for a week without sex,maybe at least hastily quickies under the shower or very quiet actions under the blanket, and here we have an unexpected kids free night. Morning, rather.  
He stands right in front of me now, the zipper of his jeans only inches away.  
„Roger“ I whisper.“ Fuck me, Roger!“

*Where is that coming from?*   
„You are drunk, Nicky.“ he says, kneeling down between my legs and handing me the drink.  
„Yes. So are you. And I want you to fuck me. Please.“   
Without a word he puts his glass aside, opens my belt, then the zipper and I lift my hips that he can pull the pants down.  
It feels unreal, yet intense. I still can^t believe what I just said.   
Roger bends down for my shoes and they land dangerously close to his glass on the floor, followed by the socks, pants and underpants. His hands run up the inside of my legs, from ankles to upper thights, making me quiver. I^m still holding my full glass, staring at him, not able to move.  
„Drink it up“ he says quietly and I hastily empty the glass.  
He takes it out of my hand and sets it near to his own. His hand is trembling a wee bit when he takes a sip of gin before he gets up, standing before me again, and removes me shirt.  
„Lie down, Nicky“  
I seem to be in some sort of trance, every move I make feels like slow motion.  
Roger places a pillow under my hips and a second later I feel his tongue where I never have felt it before.  
« Rog…Roger ! » I pant. «I want you naked. I want to feel every inch of your skin. Please. »  
« You will. Promised. You will. Just enjoy for now, yeah?“  
And I enjoy. Oh yes. I enjoy very much.  
My man, my lover, he^s all gentle as he slowly encircles my pucker with the tip of his thump before he pushes in, massaging my inside. I grab his hair when his tongue joins the thump.  
« Roger…Roger…Roger… » I gasp. He replaces thumb and tongue with two fingers, scissoring them inside me, and his head comes up, his eyes locking with mine.  
„Do you really want this?“   
„ Yes.Oh yes. God, I want you!“   
I swallow hard when he undresses himself finally, his cock rock hard and throbbing.  
*He’s…big. Face it, Nick, this is gonna hurt*  
„Do it, Roger, do it before I loose my nerves here!“   
„Relax, Nick. Be patient.“  
My eyes widen as he takes a bottle of lube out of the nightstand and I almost laugh.  
„ Have you planned this, my love?“  
„No, luv, I^m just prepared since we first have talked about it.I think we need a bit more than saliva only, because…“ he shrugs and now I laugh. He really blushes as he glances down at his throbbing member.  
„ Because, yeah, Roger Taylor needs two hands for his“ I chuckle.  
„Well, at least Roger Taylor needs some lube for his, huh?“  
Again he has his fingers in me, massaging the liquid in and I moan deeply when he hits my prostate.   
Bloody hell, this feels really good! Fucking good, so to speak.  
„Nick, come here. Ride me.“  
Yes, it hurts when he slowly enters me. But the feeling only minutes later, the feeling to have him deep inside me, all inside me to his balls, is well worth this pain.  
I will never like it as much as Roger does, but right now, with his legs on my shoulder, his dark eyes darting into mine and the careful, slow moves I make, I feel closer to him than ever. I feel that I would entrust my life to this man, that I don`t want to be without him a single day of this life.  
I bend down to kiss him deeply before I start to ride him and what starts slow and careful ends into a really wild greedy fuck, both of us screaming with pleasure.

God. My head hurts. And so does my ass. I chuckle by the memory and it takes me a while to notice that, for once, there^s no hairy leg and no arm around me.  
„Roger, luv?“   
No answer.   
I force myself to open my eyes and jump up in panic when I see the clock at the nightstand. Fuck! It^s 1:30pm!   
At one we wanted to meet Mia, Greta and Maurice for lunch.And the kids, of course ! Ah fuck !   
I calm down a bit as I see a note on the nightstand.

* At the hotel restaurant terrace with the whole bunch. Come down when you are ready. I love you xxx Roger*

It takes me 30 minutes to be ready to go, what is extremely quick for me, really.  
« Ah, Mister Rhodes honours us with his attendance » Maurice smiles when he spots me, but I only have eyes for Roger, who^s face lightens up at my sight, and he gets up to pull me into a deep kiss, something he usally doesn^t do with the kids around, not like this, not so…intense.  
« Did you sleep well, luv ? » he asks quietly.  
I only nod, grinning sheepishly at him.  
„ I have ordered fries and grilled vegetables for you, is that ok?“  
Again I nod, and Ellea and Jay start to giggle.  
„Wassup, Nick? Lost your voice?“ Mia laughs.  
« Huh ? Nah. I^m fine. Sorry for being that late. »  
„Hard night?“ Maurice chuckles.  
„I tell you! » I wink and sit down.

Darn, those chairs are pretty hard, too.  
« I see. Hard night…hmhm » the reporter grins knowingly.

We are telling our story yet again, the kids talking about their point of view and Mia about those offers she got and when we are finished with lunch, Maurice takes a few photos.  
„Sorry guys, I have to leave you now, can’t wait to have that printed. Good bye , Reginald! HA!“ he hugs everyone. „ Stay in contact, please, will you?“  
„Of course, man!“ Roger assures.  
« Ok, folks. » Greta beams « What are you up to ? Beach again ? »  
« Yeeeees » Bonsai yells and we all go back into the room to fetch towels, speedos and swim suits.  
„ Can you give us a minute alone?“ Roger asks to my surprise when everyone is ready. « We will follow in a few. »

« I think they want to smooooooch » Elliot announces .  
« Yeah, little man, I think so, too » Mia grins. „ Come on, we^ll be nice and let them, ok?“

„You^re ok?“ Roger pulls me close, smiling all over.  
„ Head hurts. Ass hurts , too“ I chuckle. Leaning my head against his broad chest.  
„Will fade quickly“ he kisses my neck and his tongue darts out to lick gently over my earlobe. „ I have something for you, Nicky“  
„Oh, I know what you have for me, Mister two hands, but I think I need to recover first“  
„You don^t know what day it is today, do you?“   
« It^s Sunday, august 20th.Why so ? »  
He hands me a small package. « Happy anniversary »  
« Anni…Oh ! My ! God ! Roger ! »   
How could I forget this ? How could I forget that it^s 19 years today ? 19 years that we shared a hotel room in Japan, 19 years that we were trapped. 19 years that Roger Taylor has lost his virginity.  
„Do you know how happy I am that I could be your first one for once?“ he smiles. „ Exactly 19 years later! When you…when you said it, when you said * fuck me, Roger*, I thought you would know…“  
I`m speechless. I can only stare at him, at his sweet smile in this beloved face, and I feel my eyes getting wet  
„Open it“ he points at the package in my hand. „ It was pretty hard to hide it all those years and to keep it in good condition but well… Call me an overemotional sentimental little whiner.“  
My fingers are trembling, but somehow I manage to unpack it. It^s a carton box. The first things I see when I open it are two screw-caps .The small ones for those bottles they use for mini-bars in hotel rooms. Vodka and gin. And under them... a polaroid.   
Two naked men in a bed.  
„Roger!“  
„Yes. Me. And you. I was so thankful for your new camera, Nicky. Not easy to take this pic, though. I needed a whole film until something usable came out. »


	15. Other people^s lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> about other people, as it says....

My head lies on Roger^s stomach, the cool breeze from the sea is quite refreshing and I have to smile at the sight of the Taylor-kids, Mia and Greta nearby, building the largest sandcastle ever.  
My man^s hand caresses my hair. Naomi and Yasmin sit beside us, both reading books. I think this is one of the most peaceful moments in my entire life.  
We have them all invited for dinner tonight, to make this special day even more special and in the evening we are at * Fratelli^s * again. Roger has never been so flirty before in public, and Mia asks „Ok, guys, what is it? Have you won in the lottery or something? You two are almost annoyingly happy!“  
I tell them about the reason. No details , of course, the kids are around, but enough to make the women cry and the kids giggle.

The next day, we are having a late breakfast with the kids, one of the staff comes over.  
„ There^s a call for you. Maurice Slater. »  
Roger follows him to the reception and is grinning broadly when he comes back.  
„ There¨s something going on in front of the Seabreeze hotel. Mister Talbot is in deep trouble, I^d say. Let^s go there, should be big fun!“

„Wow“ James blurts when we arrive at the hotel. There are about 100 people in front of it, chanting * Stop homophobia* and * stop discrimination* and such, waving rainbow flags and holding up signs.  
National press is there and we spot Mia, Greta, Maurice and the two models.There are some familiar faces we remember from the club as well.  
„ There are Nick and Roger!“ someone shouts and people applaude, making space for us as we walk towards the hotel. We have people patting my shoulder. They would pat Roger^s, too, but they are occupied. Bonsai thrones there, grinning and waving, and with no doubt he^s the little prince of the hearts here.  
Now we stand in first row and i notice that there are some members of the hotel staff among the demonstrants.  
Maurice, Mia and Greta, Yas a^nd the godess join us, and we all hold us at hands, smiling to the others. Ellea^s hand is in mine, someone has given Elliot a rainbow flag and James starts to chant * Gay rights are human rights*  
Roger winks at me and then he leans in for a kiss. a never ending kiss. 

A picture of that kiss is at the first page of the Brighton Observer the next day.  
And a copy of it is on the wall in the hallway at home now.  
Us kissing, Ellea smiling up to me. Bonsai on his dads’s shoulders, proudly waving the flag, and James at Rogers side, laughing.  
Tatji is very upset that she^s not in it.

London, october 16, 2000

It’s Ellea^s 9th birthday. Good thing is that she is still in school. So she can’t witness that drama going on in our kitchen right now.  
„ I don^t want to be in the same room with her!“ Jean says coldly and her voice is giving me shivers. Without any doubt Roger^s mother is one of the friendliest,warmest persons I ever have met, but at the moment she sounds like a serial killer.  
And she has support.  
« I don^t understand why you have invited her, Roger ! I don^t understand“ my mom snorts.  
„ She^s her mother.“ My man says, matter –of –factly.  
„Mother! HA!“ Jean laughs sarcastically.  
« Yes, mom, mother ! She was in labor for 18 hours with her.She sat beside her bed when she had chicken pocks. She..“  
„She left her! She left YOU!“ she points out.  
« Oh, I know that, believe me, I know that ! But it^s not about us, mom. It^s not about you or me . it^s for Ellea, and Ellea will be happy to have Gio around for her birthday ! »  
I know that Roger isn^t. Happy, I mean. That Giovanna will be here. It was Ellea^s wish and he tries hard to accept this.  
He is fighting for his daughter here, against his own feelings.  
I fling my arms around him from behind. His mom has support, he needs support,too.  
« Let^s all calm down, ok ? » I say.  
« Are YOU ok with it ? » Sylvia Bates has a real talent to ask the right questions at the wrong time.  
« As Rog said, it^s not about us. We all will survive a day with Gio and Lorenzo. » i shrug.  
„LORENZO? This is unbelieveable, Roger Andrew! You want to let this…this…gigolo into your home?“ Jean almost yells.  
« Really, honey, how can you stand this ? She cheated on you with that…person ! » I have to smile about the *honey*. Dunno when my mom has started to call him so.  
„Well, maybe it^s not such a pleasure for Gio to be around the man I cheated on her with, either“ he smirks.  
„ Oh please! That^s in no way comparable! You weren^t married back then, there were no kids. You were kids, yourself, actually!“ my mom explains.  
„it didn`t feel like we were kids, I tell you!“ he chuckles, kissing my neck.  
„Definetly not!“ I grin.  
„You two are terrible!“ Jean has to laugh.  
« Yeah, we are !Terribly happy. Look, mommy… »  
« Don^t do that, Roger Andrew, don^t call me mommy ! « she smiles warmly at her youngest.  
„See, it still works“ he winks.“Mommy!Please! it^s for your granddaughter, ok? I will drive to Heathrow now, picking them up.Relax and have a drink. No fights please!“  
He kisses me ,giving me an eye roll and then he kisses our moms. For some reason I always have to smile when my mum and him are kissing or hugging each other.My parents have fully accepted Roger as my partner, my lover.They are very happy for all the grandchildren he brought them,and I think they are happy that I^m happy…  
When Roger is gone, we all move into the living room, where Hugh and my dad are having a chat.  
No one likes the idea that Gio and Lorenzo will join the birthday party, and the men are talking about that, too.  
„Really, Nicholas, are you ok with that?“ Hughie asks  
„Ellea wants it.“  
« That^s not the answer to my question, man ! I know she wants it. But are YOU ok with that?“  
„ Well…“ I sigh. „ I still think she doesn^t deserve the kids. So no, i^m not ok with it, to be honest. But it^s hard enough for Roger and we should respect Ellea^s wish. Please try to be nice, everyone, yeah ? For the birthday girl and for the birthday girl^s dad. No fighting, no yelling.It^s only for a few hours.We all will survive that, huh? Lorenzo is a good man and Gio tries real hard.“

When Roger is back with the two unwanted guests I realize that for them, Giovanna and Lorenzo, it must be harder than for us.  
Knowing that noone likes them here, knowing that at the very most they are tolerated, but in no way accepted.There is a wall of coldness welcoming them. Our parents just nod shortly when they enter the room and I am the only one who greets them properly.  
„ Hey, let me show you around“ I smile, and i can tell they are both very glad to escape from the cold glances.  
„I don^t think that was such a good idea“ Gio says quietly when we are in the kitchen and Lorenzo pulls her close. „ it^s for your daughter, bella mia!“  
And the face of that daughter as she comes back from school, finding her mom in her room , is well worth all the drama, even if I still feel a bot jealous.  
Not much later the other kids arrive, together with Saffron and 5 other friends of Ellea,Andy, Tracey , Georgina, Bethany and isabelle are joining us for dinner.  
Tracey hugs Gio heartily, and that somehow breaks the ice.We finally have something that comes close to a real talk.  
Bonsai still has his problems being close to his mum, and he stays very close to Roger all the time.  
It^s after ten when everyone is gone. Renzo and Gio are staying at a nearby hotel, having them over nicht has never been an option.Gio would pick up Ellea from school the next day and they^s spend time together until Lorenzo and Gio fly back to Naples in the evening. Both, James and Elliot, have refused to see their mother that day.  
Roger is filling the dishwasher when I join him in the kitchen, two gin tonics in hand.  
„Ah, thank you, luv! This is well appreciated.“ He leans against the counter, smiling broadly. „ We survived!“  
„ Yeah. We are superheroes, aren^t we?“I pull him close, letting my hands slide under the back of his shirt.  
„Well, at least I^m superexhausted.“ Roger sighs „ let^s go to bed, yeah?“  
The muscles under my fingers are feeling hard and tensed, not in a good way.  
„ You can relax now, my love. Come, i^ll give you a proper massage » I guide him into the bedroom and slowly undress him.before i take off my own clothes.  
« Lie down,my love » I reach for the oil on the nightstand. Usually it^s him who massages me, since I have some back problems. I should do some sports, but I can^t brace myself up for that.  
Roger sighs deeply under my touch as i work my way down from his shoulders to his buttocks and up again.  
« Can I have that every day, please ? » He almost purrs and i feel him relaxing slowly.

 

London,November 2000  
„We have to make o tour!“ Simon blurts.  
« I don^t think so. I think we need a new album first. I don^t want to be called a reunited 80^s band. « I say.  
« Roger and Ands will have to catch up will all the 90^s stuff….“ Simon starts, but Ands interupts:  
„ Yeh! Rog and Ands are bloody professionals, Rog and Ands won^t have a prob with that, huh?“  
I see the two Taylors winking at each other and the third one giggles.  
Charlie is eager to be on the road again, as the showman he is.  
Me, in turn. I^m more in for the creative part of this reunion. We have to find out if the songwriting still works, if the ideas will flow like back then with the Taylors on board.  
„Nick is right“ Nigel nods. „ New album first, then a tour!“  
« Ack ! One Taylor was hard…three are hell.“ The singer sigh.  
„I have missed you too, Charlie“ Andy grins.  
Not much later it^s fixed.  
We will go to France again next february.

At th 25th Bonsai turns four, and I feel ashamed because i had made him a year older when we first met and I never noticed that.  
Roger laughs hard about it, though, before he is all serious as he says. „ he had to grow up faster than others, i think.“

Elliot, the pizza-maniac, wants to make his own pizza with the friends from kindergarten, and the kitchen is a real mess by now. We are happy that Ray and Anne are there for help.  
Not expecting any more guests, we are surprised as the doorbell rings.  
It^s Liam. Paul^s brother. * Fuckin faggot*-Liam.  
„Hi!“ I grin, making sure he has a good view at my eyeliner.“What can we do for you, mate?“  
„Er…Paul has forgotten his asthma spray, mom send me to bring it…“  
„That^s nice, thank you. Wanna come in?“  
„Er…“  
„ Pizza? They are making enough for whole London, I guess. Come on, Liam, we won^t bite you. Being gay is not contagious, you know ? » I wink and he blushes deeply.  
„Sorry…about that…“ he mutters.  
„It^s ok. What now? Dinner or what?“  
„Do you have vegetarian pizza?“  
« Yes, man, I am a vegetarian. » I smile and he finally steps in.  
„ And his eyeliner isn^t animal tested“ Roger says as he comes into the hallway. He can^t resist to kiss me shortly on the cheek.  
« We will have big fun to clean the place, I tell you. Hi, Liam. »  
« Er…hi Mister Taylor »  
« Roger. Go into the living room, you two, I bring the food.“

„Nice place“ the boy smiles coyly as we sit on the sofa. »Paul has told me that he likes to be here….er… »  
It is when his little brother comes in to say hi and I see the asthma spray showing out of his back pocket that I realize Liam must have a different reason for his visit.  
„Asthma spay, huh?“ I say as Paul rushes off and the spray in his jeans is quite visible.

« I…er…I wanted to talk to you and I wasn^t sure if you^ll let me in.“ He stutters. „ It^s…it^s Niall“  
„Who^s Niall?“ I wonder.  
„ He^s …he was…my best friend and..“ he^s interupted by Roger, who brings pizza and drinks.  
„Liam here wants to talk to us.“ I explain.  
Niall.Aha.  
„Er…aye…first…er …sorry…for…for what I said to Elliot.“  
„Fucking fagott?“ Roger grins and I have to chuckle. Looks like he enjoys to enbarrass the boy a bit.  
„Hmhm…it was…because of Niall. He^s…he^s my best friend since Kindergarten. He used to stay at my place over night and ..he …he tried to kiss me.“ Liam blushes deeply. „ I threw him out and we haven^t talked ever since and I don^t know what to do…i miss my friend, but..I^m not gay! It was the day after when I…when I was so rude to your son. I^m sorry!“  
„Oh my, that^s hard. I understand.“ Rog nods. „But you know what? I bet your friend feels even worse about that.“  
„ I know. But…what can I do? »  
« Talk to him. » I say. « There^s nothing else you can do. Tell him that you want to have him as a friend, but not as a boyfriend. »  
« I^m not sure if we can still be friends » Liam whispers.  
„Oh c^mon! Because he^s gay? He^s still the same person!“ my man snorts.  
„No, he^s not! He^s the one who tried to kiss me.How do I act to this? How can I act as if nothing happened?“ The teen is obviously in despair and I feel sorry for him. Not such a pleasant situation.  
„Sorry to bother you with that, but…I don^t know any other gay people.My lil bro likes you so much and my parents do and..I didn^t know to whom else I could talk.“  
„That^s ok, lad, thanks for your trust. Eat your pizza before it^s all cold. And then you^ll call Niall, yeah? I have to go back to the monsters.“ Roger smiles warmly at Liam and kisses me again before he leaves the room.  
„Fu.. eh…wow! Is that a Galaga?“ 

London, Dezember 2000

I can^t believe it^s almost a year. A year since I^ve met Roger again, a year since we have finally been honest to each other.  
James and Ellea are in Naples until christmas and Tatji is in Switzerland with my parents. They all want to spend christmas with us, since it^s the first we^ll have together.  
What leaves Roger, Bonsai and me and I find myself in bed with   
the two as I wake up. Ok, no morning sex today then.  
Elliot must have sneaked into our bed during the night, he lies half over his dad^s chest, in dotted pyjamas, his beloved plushie, a rabbit, tightly clutched.  
It^s such a touching father-son-image that I carefully get up and go for the camera.  
Reminded of another picture, I take the black carton box out of my nightstand and quietly leave the room.  
Sitting at the kitchen table I open that box and chuckle quietly. Oh well, we have changed a bit. I freely admit that Roger ages way better than I do.   
There^s the muffled sound of naked feet and I smile as those beloved arms fling around me and soft lips are touching my neck.  
„Good morning, Nicky.“   
I reach for the back of his neck and pull him into a kiss.  
Sex is not neccesarily needed to make a morning a good one.   
Roger starts the coffee maker, giving me that sight of him in black boxers only.  
We are snoggling around and I think about the option to close the door to have a quickie with my man bend over the table when my mobile rings. Maybe it^s a sign. A warning to remind me that the door can^t be locked and Elliot is here, so I answer it.  
„Nick here. Who^s calling that early, huh?“  
„A long lost friend“ a well known man chuckles.  
„Waz! What a surprise!“ Out of the corner of my eyes I see Roger^s smirk.  
« Yeah, dude. Guess what ? Just landed in Gatwick. Fancy to meet me before Charlie^s party ? »  
« You flew in for the party ? Quite a journey, even for the fabulous LeBon-event ! » I wonder while my man leans at the counter and grins.  
« It^s not for the party only, have a job to do here. So what? Can we meet?“  
„Hold on…Rog, it^s..“  
« Warren, yeah, got that. If you want to meet, no problem.“  
„Waz, what about coming over and have brunch with us? You have to meet Roger!“ I smile into the phone.  
« Cool. Address ? » 

« Are you ok with that ? » I ask when I hang up.  
„Er…nice to ask after you have already invited him“ Roger laughs. „ But I^m fine. Curious. And a bit jealous, you know? You never have fucked me in a studio, heh ? »  
« Alex has been explicit, I see ! » I chuckle.  
« Uh yeah, that^s why I was slightly mad at you, Mister ! »  
He pulls me close for yet another kiss.  
„You know what?“ I grab his buttocks to kneal them heartily. « We^ll be in a studio again in february ! »  
„ Is that a promise?“ he grins and his cock throbs slighly against my thigh.  
« An option, at least.You seem to like the idea »

It^s two hours later when the doorbell rings and of course our personal door guard welcomes the guest.  
Warren looks good, i have to say. Too much muscles for my personal taste, I don^t like it THAT hunky. But still, he^s the charming confident man I remember.  
We hug and he gives me a noisily kiss on the cheek.   
« You look good, man ! » he smiles. „Happy!“  
„Yeah, I AM happy, Waz! That^s Elliot, my stepson“   
„Hi, Mister Cu…cucu…er“   
„ Waz, mate, it^s Waz.“  
„ Waaaz! Funny name! Come, Waaaz, we have fooood!“  
„Fab, kiddo. I^m quite hungry.“  
We go into the kitchen where Roger is still busy with cooking.  
„Ah, the elusive drummer.So pleased to meet you!“ Warren grins.  
I can tell that the two of them like each other at first sight.  
Roger highly believes in first impressions and it takes a lot that he gives someone a second chance. Mister Cuccurullo obviously doesn^t need one, as Rog turns, smiling broadly. « The pleasure is all mine ! You have to tell me about Zappa ! »  
They hug as if they^d be old friends and for some reason I feel very touched. Warren is one important person for me, as friend , as musician , as a good influence to my life, and it means a lot to me that the man I love respects that.

« You said something about a job ? » I ask when we sit around the table.  
„Yeah. You know, the band I used to play with threw me out for a bloody reunion!“ he winks. „ Will work for a film project here, about Zappa.“  
„How cool!“ Roger beams „And about the reunion..i should apologize, perhaps, but I^m not sorry ! Though I know that you and Sterling must be quite upset.“  
„ Naah, mate, it^s ok, i totally understand that. The time is right. Though the reunion still isn^t official, unlike your very own one, huh? Sterling and I have always been aware of the fact that we are not * real bandmembers*“  
„Aww, c^mon Warren! That^s so not true!“ I^m a bit offended here.  
„No fuss, Nick. We have only been in the band because Ands and Rog left, right? You would never have replaced the two for any other reasons, and since I^ve read that story about you , about your personal reunion, a lot of things do make much more sense. You should have told me, huh? I have asked you if something is wrong, remember? It must have been horrible for the, the whole *thank you*- thing.“  
„ Oh, i bet not EVERYTHING was terrible about that.“ Roger chuckles and Waz looks quite puzzled.   
„Eh?“ he wonders.  
„ It^s a small world, Warren. Roger just bumped into Alex a while ago.“ I explain.  
« Alex ? What Al…oh ! THAT Alex. * I show up out of nowwhere when noone expects*-Alex ! Oh my ! » he laughs, blushing slightly. « So…he told you about…some late studio work, yeah ? »

„Detailed and willingly, yes.“ My drummer grins.  
„ I should apologize perhaps, but I^m not sorry ! » Warren winks.


	16. Late bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party at the LeBon^s again  
> A voyeur.  
> Some dirty talk

Warren sleeps in our bedroom, the jet lag has taken over, and we bring Bonsai down to the third floor, to Beth and Gary, the parents of Paul and Liam.  
A blonde, green eyed boy with heavy eyeliner opens the door, beaming like the sun itself and we know immediately who he is.  
„Hi Niall“ Roger and I say unison. We have to laugh and Bonsai giggles. „Another Nickyyy!“  
„I told you that only f…fagotts wear eyeliner, Elliot, huh?“ Liam appears in the doorway . „ In every cliche there^s a bit of truth, ha!“   
Niall is still beaming all over, as if he hasn^t heard anything, and he reaches out a hand. „ Mister Rhodes! I^m so so soooo happy to meet you! You are my idol!“  
„ Obviously“ Roger chuckles quietly.  
„Well, it^s nice to meet you, too, mate ! » I smile.  
God. He looks like the younger me.  
« Come in, come in » Beth waves.  
„Thanks for babysitting.We^ll return the favour.“ Rog hugs her, quite aware of the fact that Niall is totally ignoring him.  
„Ah well, we are neighbours and friends, hopefully. Niall, get out of the way and let them in!“ Beth pushed the boy almost roughly aside, but her smile shows her sympathy for him.  
We have a drink with the woman and her husband after Liam has dragged his friend into his room.  
„Sorry, we have tried to keep Niall away from you. He^s a bit obsessed“ Gary grins. « we had a lot of drama here, thanks for your help. Liam told us what happened.“  
After we have hugged Bonsai goodbye we go to wake up Warren. Time to get ready for the party.

I grin broadly as i watch Waz and Roger playing Galaga.  
We had yet another drink, are all dressed up and in very good mood.  
Is it me or are the two flirting a bit here?  
My man wins the round and they join me on the sofa.   
„ Did you listen to all the Duran-stuff after you left?“ Warren wants to know.  
„ Sure. Have every album and drummed along to every single song.“   
„ What^s your fav?“ the guitarist asks.  
„Uh, hard to tell, depends. Notorious is great, rhythmwise, the whole album, what really upsets me, honestly! Big thing is the most underrated album ever. Great ballads. Do you believe in shame , the edge of America…wow. And I love pop trash. Took me a while to like medazzaland. »  
« That^s exactly what Suzie says. My girlfriend. Too bad she couldn^t get any free days to come with me. « Waz pours us more champagne and we cling glasses.  
« I thought you^re gay » Roger wonders.  
„Proud bisexual I am. Suzie and I are sharing every once in a while“ he winks. „What about you? Done with women?“  
„ Definetly yes. Not sure about Nicky, though“ my drummer grins.  
« Hey ! » I slap the back of Roger^s head. „ Need a prove again or what?“  
« Oh, I would love that, but we are invited to a party, huh ? » Despite his words he pulls me close and kisses me. And my, that is a kiss ! Leaves me a bit puzzled when he goes for the bathroom.  
Warren chuckles quietly. « Uh, man, looks like you^ll have fun tonight. I^m envious.“  
„ Waz, I tell you, i^m not missing a thing. He^s it. He^s just it“  
„Yeah, i see that, Nicholas. If you guys will ever be in for a threesome, give me a call. He^s hot!“ Warren grins.  
I am not sure if he^s joking.

 

„Hiya!“ Yassie elbows me. Me and Waz are leaning at one of the tables , watching the scene.  
„Misses LeBon! Where have you been?“ We kiss before she answers „Trouble with the godess. Moody today, our dear Naomi. Not even nine and she^s pissed like a rat.Brought her into Amber^s room. Let^s pray that she won^t puke all over the place. Man trouble again, you know?“  
„ She never has any luck with her guys, hm?“ I shrug.  
„ Obviously not. Talking about men…where^s Rog?“   
„Here, madam! Got drinks.“ I have to chuckle when they kiss.  
Well, sharing Roger with Yassie would be great fun, huh?   
I shouldn^t drink any more, my mental cinema plays funny movies here…  
I almost spill my drink ( the one i shouldn^t drink anyway) when feel Roger^s hand on my tight, dangerously close to my crotch.  
He acts all innocent, talking to Waz about guitar riffs, but Mrs Lebon has noticed and winks at me. I smirk, wiggle my brows and give my naughty man a heartily bottom smack that makes him jump.  
« HEY ! » he laughs, « I was trying to be subtile here“  
„ Wasn^t subtile at all!“ Yas giggles.  
Waz pats my shoulder, grinning broadly. „ Hey, they are playing your song!“  
It^s Tom Jones^s * sex bomb* and my very own personal sex bomb doesn^t hesitate to drag me into the middle of the room where some people are dancing already.  
How could anyone have thought that this man is quiet and shy ? He^s in such high spirits today, all flirty, sexy and dear god, he knows quite well about the effect it has on me.  
Graig David is played know,* fill me in*. I^m not a fan of RnB, but with no doubt I^m the biggest fan of that handsome guy who pulls me into his arms and moves to the music with me.  
We get a little lost here and I feel dizzy, no clue if through the alcohol or Roger^s touch, his heady aroma. I love the after shave he^s using…mixed with just the right amount of sweat, the unique scent of his skin, soap and shampoo…I love his hair, the sparkle in his eyes, the way his face changes when a smile is creeping up…  
With a sigh I lean my head against his shoulder and whisper „ I love you“  
„i have always loved you and I will always love you“ he lifts my chin and we kiss, still dancing, still so very close.  
My hands wander down to his bum, pressing him against me.  
I know we are in a room full of people. I know we are being watched.I don^t care.  
Roger gasps against my skin, giving me goosebumps all over.  
„it can’t be any less subtile now“ he chuckles. His hand comes up to reach for the back of my neck and he pulls me into another kiss. „I want you“ he breathes into my mouth.  
„Upstairs.“ I growl. « Lot’s of free rooms »  
« The girls ? » he mumbles.  
„Are never staying here at those parties“ 

We are at the first floor in no time, open the very first door and as soon as it^s closed behind us, I slam him against it. He looks like a creature from another world in the semi-darkness of the room and what I feel is pure carnal want.God, I want to be inside him to my balls, I want to make him cry with pleasure! He slips down the door to his knees, taking me in his warm, wet, wonderful mouth and i know he wants the same. This is no blow job, this is simply preparation and I pull him up after only 2 minutes, pushing my fingers into that willing mouth.  
We both are not into foreplay here, we need it rough and hard and fast now.  
He has his pants open and down in seconds when I turn him and he bends over, palms pressed against the door.Just one, two three thrusths with my wet fingers and i enter him, almost dry.  
Roger whimpers but at the same time he pushes back to have me deeper. I clutch his hair with one hand, the other wraps around his cock and we find a greedy, randy rhythm.  
« God, yes…yes…yes » he pants, trying hard to be not as noisy as usual. I feel droplets of precum under my fingers and like always, his pure lust turns me on to no end.  
I pull at his hair and it must be painful, but the way he arches his neck, the desperate moans and how he moves with my almost brutal thrusts show me that he doesn^t mind, that he actually loves it a little rough.  
« You are eager for my cock, aren^t you ? » I grunt.  
« Oh yes ! So very yes ! God, Nick, fuck me. Fuck me hard“  
„My pleasure“   
He can^t stifle a scream as I find the right angle to hit his prostate with every stroke and we come almost simultaniously. Still inside his hot tight ass i fling my arms around him, holding him.  
„ Ah, bloody hell, my knees are shaking..“ he laughs quietly and i pull outbefore we both sink down on the floor.  
„Wow“ I pant and we cringe as a throaty female voice says: „ Wow indeed, gentlemen. That was pretty hot ! »  
Ok. We are obviously in Amber^s room and the black godess isn^t as drunk as i^ve been told.  
I should be embarrassed, but for some reason I start to laugh and Roger joins in after the first shock.  
„Well, for how long have you been watching?“ I chuckle once I^m able to speak.  
« Oh, from the moment you came in.“ She switches on bedside lamp and we three look at each other before we all start to laugh again.  
„You could have said something, you know?“ Roger gasps.  
« To miss this opportunity ? No way ! Sorry, but who would not like to watch that ? Did i mention that it was pretty hot?“ she giggles..“ Get dressed again, guys, i feel the urgent need for a post coital cigarette!“   
Only a few minutes later we are in the frontyard, smoking, and Naomi can’t stop grinning.  
„What a beautiful way to get sober!“ She lies an arm around Roger.“For some reason I thought you would be the active one here, luv. Do you ever switch?“  
„Miss Campell, please! That^s none of your business, huh?“ he finally blushes now and the model pulls him close. „ My my! You are sooo cute! I don^t think there have to be any secrets between us, honey, not after this.“  
„We didn¨t invite you to watch, Naomi“ i point out, noticing that she’s still very drunk.  
„As if you would have cared! Be glad that it^s me who watched, darling.Could have been worse!“  
„Right, it could have been Simon…or Andy. Goodness, Andy, that would have ruined our friendship forever, I guess. Come on, Naomi, let^s go back in, i^m freezin…need a coffee. » Roger winks at me as he drags the model inside the house.

« Hey, where have you been ? » Waz wonders when I join him.  
„oh, you don^t want to know“ I grin.  
„Aha, and where^s Rog?“  
„ In the kitchen with a drunk supermodel, brewing coffee.“  
Warren smiles broadly „ C^mon, man! You had sex! Take my friendly advice and clean your pants…very telltale stains, mate!“  
« Ack ! »now it^s me who blushes and my old friend can^t stop laughing.  
I go for the bathroom.

The party ends in the early morning and we take a taxi back home, where Roger immediately opens the liquor cabinet and pours a vodka for me and a gin for himself.  
„Late bar is open“ he grins as we cling glasses.  
„What a party, huh?“ I smile.  
« You should have saved me. I was trapped in the kitchen with Naomi for hours !“  
„Yeah , and me was in Warren^s claws, He was eager for details as soon as he has spotted some familiar stains on my pants...“ I chuckle.  
„I bet he would happily have taken Naomi^s part. He would probably have joined“ My drummer smirks.  
„Uh, yay, for sure, he thinks you^re hot. And if we are ever in for a threesome, we can call him. He told me before we left for Simon^s.“

„Isn^t it wonderful that we are such an inspiration for so many people? We could invite Naomi in as well, Waz would love that“ he laughs.  
„Then we^d have to have his girlfriend as well, he isn^t allowed to have sex with other women if she^s not around. I don^t want ladies involved, though. They can sit and watch.“ I pull him close and we cuddle up here on the sofa.  
„They seem to like watching. Odd, isn^t it?“ he wonders  
„You think? We^re a pleasure to watch, I^d say.i would watch us, too » i start to kiss down his neck.  
« Do you want a mirror in the bedroom ? Like in B^ham?“ Rog^s hand slides under my shirt.  
„That^s a brilliant idea!“ I mumble against his skin.  
« Have you ever…er… have you ever had a threesome ? » he asks quietly.  
„No, you?“   
« Me ? With whom ? Gio and Damian ? » he chuckles . „ Oh god, the thought of that alone is all the way rediculous! Have you ever THOUGHT about a threesome?“  
„Hmhm. Came close once, but got cold feet at the very last minute… has Warren given you ideas, luv?“ I have unbuttoned his shirt by now and my lips close around one hard nipple, sucking gently.  
„Uh!“ he gasps. „ Nah…well…I don^t know…“  
„With Warren?“My hand finds the other nipple and I pinch it not very gentle.  
„No…as I said, i don^t know…not with Warren, not sure if with anyone, just…ah ! »   
I^m biting him, gently now, and my hands wander down to his pants to open the fly and the zipper.  
*The thought of it turns you on?“ i breathe against his hot skin, rubbing over the delicious bulge i have freed.  
„Hm!“ he murmurs, lifting his hips, allowing me to pull the pants down.  
„Hm? What does *hm* mean?“ i wrap my fingers around his throbbing cock and wank him slowly.  
„I…yeah, the thought is…nice.“ He stutters and I grin devilishly .  
„Nice? Aha. What thought exactly ? » I slid down to the floor, take his shoes, socks and pants off and lick over the tip of his pulsing shaft.  
Still no answer from Roger. Looks like for once he^s a bit ashamed .  
« I don^t think i want another man to fuck you, Roger. I think i want this incredible ass all for myself“ I wet to fingers in my mouth and push in, wanking him again with the other hand.  
„But you could fuck someone while I^m fucking you. Or giving a blow job. Or recieve one…oh, i think i^d like that..fucking you while someone gives head to you. Because, if you^d give head, those wonderful noises you make will be muffled, and that would be such a terrible waste… »

This time he isn^t holding back his screams.


	17. Matter of feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lots of talking, very emotional talking

The first thing I see when I wake up is Roger^s smile.  
He lies beside me, up to one elbow, and has this wonderful smile in his face, a smile that makes you smile back almost automatically.  
„Good morning, Nicky“ he strokes some messy hair behind my ear, a simple, yet intimate gesture, and I catch his hand with mine and bring his fingers to my lips, kissing his knuckles.  
„Good morning, you precious bunch of muscles.“  
« Ah, now that I have met Waz, I dont feel like such a precious bunch » he chuckles. « This man is the hunkiest hunk ever, huh ? And he^s older than me.“  
« I think it^s a bit too much. He looks like Popeye. »  
« That^s mean, Mister Bates ! »  
« Simply the truth. And you know what they say about bodybuilders…the more muscles they gain, the more the dick shrinks ! »  
Roger laughs quietly and lets his head fall down on the pillow, pulling me to his chest, an invitation to play with the sexy hair and to kiss a sweet nipple.  
God, he smells so good, he tastes so good !  
„At what time do we have to pick up Bonsai?“ I ask and my hand makes it^s way down his stomach.  
„Dinner time, Beth and Gary have invited us, forgotten?“   
„ Good“ I mumble as my hand wraps around his cock. „ Very good!“  
Now it^s him kissing a nipple before he makes his way downwards and without words we move into a 69-position, sucking each other, his hands in my hair, mine in his.  
For once we are smoking in bed afterwards and we stay there, having a late breakfast in bed, snoggling around and talking.  
I know, he has only been joking, but I ask:  
„ You don^t really think that I miss women, do you?“  
„No.But…well, sometimes I worry that you miss …I don`t know…your way of life or whatever. Your freedom, so to speak. The glamour. Women were pretty much a part of it, so…hm…maybe, yeah, maybe I think you .miss them , too. And then Warren with his open relationship and threesomes and such. Instead of going to fancy art events or crazy parties, you go to italy with me to give you the full dose of drama. Instead of hanging out with the famous and beautiful, you go to Brighton with my kids. A four year old with his plush rabbit sneaks in our bed at night and you have no room for yourself in your own flat…“  
„Would you stop that, Roger Andrew? I love it the way it is. I love 4 year old with plush rabbits sneaking in our bed and I love the chaos in OUR flat. I love you. Every morning when I wake up beside you, i^m happy. I have missed you half of my life, Roger! You are the only person i ever have missed that much…Jules came close, but you…for a while i thought it would be the sex only, your ability to feel, the way you made me feel… but then you drifted away from me, every day a little more, and there was nothing I could do. I missed the talks we had at 3 in the morning , i missed the way you used to smile and wink at me before we started to play, I missed your laugh. When you got married, i wanted to die. When you left Duran, a part of me actually died.And you reanimated that part the day you came to Simon^s party, the moment I have heard your laugh. Did you ever notice that you stopped to laugh like that after Japan? That you never winked at me after japan, that we never had those talks any more? You were gone long before band aid, Roger, and sometimes I regretted that night, because…that night has stolen my friend, my bandmate. I knew it would be a desaster. I knew it the moment we first touched us. I knew exactly what would happen, but I was egoistic and selfish and I had to have you! I wanted you to never forget this night, and when you came to me the day after band aid and you said that you can’t forget, that you can^t stop thinking of that night, I hated myself for that.   
So, no Roger, no, I miss nothing and I will never miss something as long as you are with me, as pathetic as it sounds, it^s the truth.“  
He stares at me with his deep brown eyes, not saying a word. His rough hands cup my cheeks and then his lips are on mine, soft and light at first, but the kiss deepens quickly into something hungry and desperate and he pulls me on top of him, like he did in Japan. We fuck like in Japan and we are one like in japan, his hand over my heart, my hand over his.

The next morning there^s a four year old with a plushy rabbit in our bed again who wakes up when I try to leave the bed. What now? I sit naked on the bed, the bathrobe is in the bathroom, and Elliot has never seen me naked before.  
Well, acting normal is the best thing here, so I smile at him, not making an effort to cover me.  
„ Good morning, Bonsai!“  
„Where are you going?“ he murmurs, not fully awake.  
„Just have to pee“  
He sits up, rubbing his eyes, and looks me up and down, his gaze follows me as i go into the bathroom and he still sits there when i come back.  
I slid under the blanket and Elliot moves closer to me, placing a hand on my chest.  
« You don^t have much hair »   
« No. » What else can I say ?  
« Why ? »  
« I don^t know. Some have less hair than others, no clue why. »  
« I like your eyes. I wish I would have green eyes. »  
« I think your eyes are absolutely perfect, Bonsai. » I ruffle his hair.  
« If you were my real daddy, Nicky, maybe I^d have green eyes.“  
„Yeah, maybe.But if i^d be your real daddy, you won^t have YOUR daddy, and that would be really really sad, huh?“  
„Hmhm“ he nods. „I have the best daddy ever!“  
„ You surely have“ I smile.  
« Men can^t have babies, huh ? » he wonders.  
„No. It needs a man and a woman to have babies“ I ask myself how much he knows about men, women and babies, and he gives the answer to that straight away,  
„ Yes, the babies are growing in the woman^s belly after the man has sticked his penis in, I know. Too bad that you and daddy can^t have babies. You would have nice babies“  
Oh yes, we surely would have very nice babies. I have to grin at that thought.  
„Would you like to have more siblings, Bonsai?“  
« Hm, dunno…but maybe you would like to have more children, since you only have one. Aaaand then you^d have to find a woman und daddy would be sad. I would be sad. I want you to stay with us.“  
Dang! This little man is killing me!  
„I will stay with you, Elliot.i^m not your real dad but i feel like I would be. So you and James and Ellea, you are my children. Because it feels like that. Remember Warren? Waz? Warren and his girlfriend, they have a daughter, Mayko. Mayko^s real parents didn^t want her. Warren and Suzie wanted a child and they tried to have one, but there was never a baby growing in Suzie^s belly. Sometimes it^s like that. So they decided to have a baby which is not wanted by it^s parents and they found Mayko. And Mayko is their daughter, because they are raising her, they live with her and they love her. Do you understand? And i love you, Bonsai. I love you and Jay and Ellea as much as I love Tatji“   
« I love you more than my real mommy, Nicky » He snuggles up to me and I swallow down the lump in my throat.

It’s two days later and all kids are back for christmas.  
We are at Roger^s parents all together, his brother with wife and kids is also there. It^s the 23th of december.  
Jean has just brought the dessert and everyone is enjoying it when Bonsai asks : „ Does it hurt, Nicky?“   
„What?“   
„Your penis“  
There^s a short moment of awkward silence and I have to take a deep breath before I ask back: „ Why should my penis hurt?“ Act normal. Be cool.  
„ Because it’s broken!“  
Roger is way faster in the uptake than me, and he says, all calm:  
„It’s not broken, Elliot. Nick is circumcised…that means, they cut off a part of his foreskin“  
« They cut his PENIS ? » Elliot is so shocked that everyone has to laugh.  
« When I was a little boy, Bonsai,my penis really did hurt. So much that I thought it will fall off. My mom went to the doctor with me and he found out that the foreskin is too tight and that^s what made it hurt, so they cut off a little bit of it and everything was fine“  
„Uuuuh`I bet you^re glad it didn^t fall off!“ he slides from his chair and flings his arms around me. „Poor Nickyyy!“  
„I^m indeed very glad it didn^t fall off, Bonsai.“ I chuckle.  
„Me, too“ Roger smirks.

After dinner the kids rush off into the garden to build a snowman and Steve, Roger^s brother, goes for the whiskey.  
He grins broadly when he raise his glass. „ To the penisses, ladies and gentleman. May they never fall off and always stand straight!“  
„Aaaa-meeen“ Hughie laughs.  
„What a very nice dinner conversation that was“ I shrug, lying an arm around Roger, who sits beside me on the couch.  
„This little boy loves you, Nick, and he cares for you“ Lizzie, Steve^s wife, smiles warmly at me.  
„I know. And I surely love this little boy“  
„It^s a year now, isn^t it?“ Jean asks.  
« Almost. Hey, because it^s christmas and everyone is sentimental and such…I would like to thank you all for taking me into this family. I really appreciate that. I know that you were worried for the kids…and for Roger, probably. I know this all happened very fast for you, that the circumstances were a bit strange and all..so, thank you for letting me be a part of the Taylor-clan.“

Roger is gone when i wake up in one of the Taylor-guestrooms and I hear laughter from the garden.  
It has snowed more ower night and everything is covered under a thick layer of white.  
I look out of the window and smile happily at the scene under me.  
There^s a snowball fight going on between all kids, Steve and Roger and I watch them for a while before I get dressed and make my way into the kitchen.  
„Good morning, late-riser!“ Lizzie greets me with a kiss on the cheek. « Want some coffee ? »  
« A lot, thanks. »  
« Hey » Hughie winks when he comes in. „ Slept well , Nicholas?“ I^m quite surprised as he lies an arm around me, pulling me to his chest shortly.  
„ I did, yeah.“  
We sit down at the table.  
« At what time Sylvie and Rodge will arrive ? » he asks.  
„About three, they said, depends on the traffic. »  
« I hope they^ll drive carefully » Jean says from the door.  
« No worries, they are used to drive on snow, they are going to Switzerland every winter. » I smile at her and she comes over to hug me.  
Ireally feel welcomed here, accepted, even loved, and I know the key to their hearts is a little boy , the one who shoots in right now, jumps straight into my lab again and placed a very cold kiss on my cheek.  
« Gooood mooooorniiing » he beams. « Can I sleep in your bed tonight ? James snores!“   
„Uh, your dad snores, too, I tell you ! » I laugh.  
« Really ? I have never heard that ! How can you sleep then?“  
„I actually like it somehow, I think it^s kinda cosy. If you still want to sleep in our bed, you^re welcome, Bonsai.“  
„ I always wanted to ask that“ Jean smiles „ Why are you calling him Bonsai?“  
„Because he looks like the small version of his dad, doesn’t he? He^s a Bonsai-Roger.“  
„Oh, that^s right! It^s cute, Bonsai. I like that ! » 

It’s a wonderful christmas eve, probably the best i ever had.  
Tatji and James got me a rare press of Kraftwerk, one I have been looking for for ages. Ellea has knitted shawls for everyone. Bonsaihas painted a picture of Roger and me, you can tell that by the drums and the keybords. But what almost makes me cry are the scrawly letters on it.  
*my dadies*

I have designed photoalbums for each family member, capturing our first year together. Roger and I have also booked a cruise trip for our parents, for the four of them together.  
Roger still hasn^t unpacked my present for him, and I can’t wait for his reaction. Like Elliot, I have painted a picture of me and him, using a 19 years old Polaroid as template.  
I hear him gasp as he finally has it out of the paper.  
Japanese ideographs are strategically placed in the middle of it.  
The charakters for *love* and *fate.

When he turns to me there are tears in his eyes.  
„ Did you paint that?“ he asks quietly.  
« Yes, luv »  
« I didn^t even know that you are a painter »  
« Just a hobby. I^m not very good »  
« You are wonderful, Nicky. You are amazing. You are… I love you.“  
He takes me in his wonderful and amazing arms and for the very first time we kiss deeply, very deeply, in front of the whole family.

It^s after midnight, Elliot sleeps in our bed, everyone over 18 is slightly drunk of burnt punch and again I have those arms around me. Roger is all cuddly and I am pretty much enjoying this.  
„How are things with your boyfriend, Tatjana? Julian, right?“ Jean asks.  
„ Yep, Julian. We are going to a new year^s party together. Finally I^m allowed to go to a party ! » she grins. « The last one was great, though ! »

« Indeed » Roger chuckles

« Er..Tatji..you are…you know how to protect you, yeah ? »My mom stutters  
« To protect me from what ? »   
« Your grandma worries that you^ll get pregnant » I wink .  
„Ack! Why is everyone asking me about my sex life? I bet no one asks YOU about your sexlife. You dont have to worry, though, gran. We don^t have sex yet.When did you first have sex, if you don^t mind me asking ? I mean if it^s ok to ask me, it^s ok to ask you, isn’t it ? »  
« Touche ! » mom laughs. « I was 16 and it was your grandpa. »  
„What about you, dad?“ she grins.  
„Uh…15, and her name was Gloria.“  
„You were with a Gloria, too, when you were 15, if remember right“ Steve turns to his brother. „ Funny. You both had your first sex with a Gloria!“  
„ I never had sex with her and her name was Carla, not Gloria“  
„When was your first time then?“ my dad wants to know.  
„With 21“   
„So it was Gio, huh?“ Steve winks.  
„Naaah“ my man pulls me closer and Tatji and James, the only ones who know, grin broadly  
.“It was Nick“Roger smiles.  
„No way!“ my dad blurts.  
„I tell you!Your son took my virginity. »  
« I didn^t know that ! » Ellea wonders. „ it^s romantic somehow“  
« It^s unbelievable ! » mom shakes her head. * I had no clue!“  
„Me neither.“ I grin * until he told me last year…this year, actually“


	18. Playing with Uranium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The band is back in France together

This year we would have a completely different new year^s party.  
Raphael and Martin have invited us, the party motto is *glam and glitter*, and the man coming out of our bedroom right now is indeed very glam.  
„Is that the one who worries not to be fancy enough?“ I smile and pull him close. „ You look absolutely fab, luv!“  
„So do you“ he grins „ You look exactly like the arrogant assfucker peacock that you are!“  
„What a compliment.“ We kiss shortly and Roger goes to call us a taxi.  
We meet up with Yas, Naomi and Simon in front of the hotel the gay couple has booked a ballroom in.   
First time we see the godess after we have given her a private show and I wonder if she even has any memories.  
Raffy and Martin are welcoming us at the door and the percussionist is all flirty with Roger again.  
„I^m so sorry that we have missed the christmas party, my precious bunch of muscles“ he beams, kissing him on the cheek.  
„ You have missed a lot, I tell you!“ Naomi winks.  
« Sorry, Nick » Martin laughs. „ He^s kind of obsessive with Rog here, but he^s harmless, I swear!“  
„I have to be, he said he never bottoms…what a waste of that cute ass, man!“ Raphael pats Roger^s bum gently.  
„He said what?“ the godess grins.  
„Oh, shut up, Miss Campell!“ my drummer chuckles. „ What happens at parties stays at parties, huh?“  
« Ah, so you only bottom at parties ? » Naomi smirks.  
„It^s more that I only bottom with Nick. C^mon, Godess, we^ll get us a drink“ the two rush off to the bar and I have everyone staring at me. Raffy, Martin, Yas and Simon.  
„You had sex in Amber^s room, you bloody pervert?“ Charlie laughs.  
„Er…“  
„And Miss Campell watched?“Yassie giggles.  
„Ehm..“  
„You are one lucky bastard!“ Raphael blurts.  
« That^s true. I^m a very lucky arrogant assfucker peacock bastard and you are absolutely right about that cute ass, Raffy ! » I bowed deeply.   
« Excuse me, I^ll join my man »

There^s another familiar face as I reach the bar. Naomi and Roger are talking to no one else than Maurice.  
He tells us that Mister Talbot got fired and we have to drink to that.  
When Roger is on the dancefloor with Naomi, the reporter chuckles quietly. „You are doing it again!“  
„Doing what?“  
„Staring at him“  
„I don^t think I will ever stop staring at him. I need to remind myself every once in a while that he’s REAL. That we are a couple. It^s still…I dunno…a miracle“  
« That^s sweet. You two are awesome. How you handle it and all…and who else has supermodels watching party quickies, huh?“   
„Goodness! Is she telling EVERYONE?“ i sigh.  
„Probably! I guess Raffy envies her to no end.Hey, but you know it^s only fun, don^t you ? Raphael is madly in love with Martin, he would never cheat on him. Watching is something he would like, though. But then, who would not?“ he winks. „If you are planning to sneak away for yet another party quickie, let me know!“  
„As long as you won^t use your camera and sell pics of that…“ I grin.  
„I would never! Really! But hey, if you want erotic couple photos or something…for yourself only, of course, I^m all in ! »

« Ten…nine…eight.. » Everyone is counting the year out.Or the new year in.  
Roger stands behind me with his arms around my waist, his chin resting at my shoulder and exactly at midnight he whispers „ Happy anniversary“ in my ear.  
I turn to kiss him and somehow that kiss never stops.  
We end in our flat at six in the morning with the Lebon^s, Maurice and Naomi, not willing to go to bed, having more drinks before we all fall asleep in the living room.  
Tatji and Julian, who find us a few hours later, are laughing like mad at the sight.  
We have an hangover brunch all together.  
„What^s that?“ Tatji wonders when we are in the kitchen together, pointing at my new ring.  
„Roger^s anniversary present.“ I smile and pull her close.  
„Is that a peacock engraved? « she wonders.   
« It is » I grin. It has a very small, very green emerald as the peacock^s eye.

„ God, I^m so happy , Tatjana Lee Orchid. I may have one hell of a headache , but my, am I happy!“  
« Happy first anniversary, daddy. I tell you something : I didn^t like any of your stupid girlfriends. They were all …well…stupid.And when all the Taylors came in here last year, when I saw your face, I knew that something big would happen. I don^t want it any other way.Never ever.“  
„Me neither!“ at the very first day of 2001, my daughter and I are standing in a chaotic kitchen, a kitchen plastered with photos and paintings, with kindergarten breakfast boxes at the counter, Roger^s beloved expresso machine, Ellea`s handmade oven gloves, one of James plectrons at the table, and we are holding each other, crying with happiness.  
That^s how Roger finds us a few minutes later, and he doesn^t hesitate to join in, holding Tatji between me and him.

Two days later there^s an envelope in the post with a photo and a note in it.

*Not quite what I wanted to watch, but all the way touching. To the most gorgeous family I ever have met. Xxx Maurice*  
The pic shows three happy people hugging in a messy kitchen.

 

France, february 2001  
„Look at that, god, just look at that!“ Nigel elbows me, grinning like a chesire cat.  
All instruments are set up, Roger, Andy and Charlie are sitting crosslegged on the floor, discussing something,and the room is filled with creativity.  
Really, we can sense it, we all can sense it. The music between us, the old flow.  
After only two days here we already have some raw versions of 5 new songs.   
„Hey Nicky¨“ Roger grins as he sits behind his kit, and he gives me the most beautiful wink and smile ever before he counts „ one…two..three…four“  
Fuck, we are back. We are back! Roger is back!  
Funny enough he^s wearing a tee right now with * Roger^s back* printed on it^s back, what a pun. It^s a present from Simon.

I find myself staring again when Rog pulls that shirt off after playing and a very sweaty drummer hugs a very sweaty guitarist.  
„Taylor-threesome!“ John yells as he joined the group hug.  
„I have missed that. Fuck, have I missed that!“ Charlie mutters and he kisses my cheek.  
„Not as much as I did, I assure you ! »

We are all sitting on the terrace that evening, drinking champagne, even Andy, wrapped in warm blankets. Well, I am wrapped in two wonderful arms as well, Roger^s warm breath against my skin an intense contrast to the cold air.  
I get a little lost in the sound of his steady heartbeat and almost jump when I feel his hand sliding under the waistband of my pants.  
He^s still talking to John, his voice all calm, as the other hand joins and he opens the zipper.  
*That naughty thing…that very naughty thing…oooh, wait, just wait until we are back into our room, drummer, just wait*  
A strong hand wanks me through the fabric of my underpants and unless I want to catch everyone’s attention there^s nothing I can do.  
His ability to stay all calm,to act so bloody normal, turns me on to no end.  
« Nick ? »  
« Huh, what ? » JT has obviously asked me something and I feel the rumble of Roger^s quiet chuckle in his chest.  
Oh man, I will make you scream later, I swear ! You^ll have to pay for this!  
„ Astronaut. For the album title“ John repeats. „ I think that^s fab“  
Well, I^m very close to see stars here, so, yeah, fab.   
„Fine, yeah“ Ack, I can^t keep the tremble out of my voice and this utterly debauched devil increases his pace, breathing against my skin and still talks if ..well, if he won^t make me come in my pants at any minute.  
„Are you ok?“ Andy wonders.  
„Uh, hmhm, just…tired“  
„Want to go to bed?“ Roger asks, never stopping what he does.  
„Yeah.it^s late, huh?“   
„Ok, just let me finish…“ I feel his grin in my neck . „my drink“  
I manage to stay all quiet when I spill my load, but I can^t stifle the shudder.  
„Are you cold, poor thing?“ He wraps the blanket tighter around us, using the movement to pull his hand out of my pants and to close my zipper.  
I^m all shaky and there^s no chance that I can get up at the moment, so I light a cigarette, inhaling deep.  
After a few minutes I am finally able to get on my feet.  
„You coming with me?“ I ask casually, hoping that the wetness won^t show through my pants.  
„Sure. Good night, gentlemen, see you tomorrow“  
„Don^t do something we won^t do“ Charlie smirks.  
„No guarantee.“ Roger grins.  
Well, i^m pretty sure that everyone has heard what happens in our room and that it^s something that not even Charlie would do.Those drummers can be pretty loud. Blashemic and loud. 

I meet Andy and JT in the kitchen the next morning, Roger and Charlie are nowhere in sight.  
„ Good morning, you two Taylors. Has anyone seen the third one ? »  
„Morning, Nicholas. They are out for a run together.“ Ands grins „ Though I think it^s a miracle that our dear drummer is able to walk today, it sounded like you^d fuck him to death. »  
« I tried. I failed » Would make no sense to deny something, since Roger likes to scream out what he wants, and my fav line, * oh god, fuck me harder*, has been repeated many times last night, decorated with lot^s of ah^s and oh^s and more oh gods.And * please, Nicky^s…*, let^s not forget about the please Nicky^s.  
Nigels shakes his head, chuckling. „And I really have thought he’s shy“  
„He^s an utterly debauched devil, I tell you. And my, do I love that!“I get me a coffee and step out on the terrace, deeply inhaling the fresh cold air.  
John follows me right behind.  
„Still can’t believe that i never have noticed“ he grins, lying an arm around me.  
„We were pretty good with hiding it. It almost have killed me, Nige, when you called me about that article.“  
« I can imagine that. Hey, there they are ! »   
Si and Roger are coming closer, both smiling and laughing, teasing each other, in spite of the cold in short shorts and tees.  
I smile broadly at that sight.  
First, it^s a pleasure to see Roger Taylor wearing short shorts. Second, it^s pretty touching to see those two together, so familiar.

„Hey you“ I grin as they have reached us, pulling a sweaty drummer close.  
„Wow, your man really has some stamina“ Simon pants.  
„Yeah. In many cases“ I wink, kissing a drop of sweat from Roger^s neck.  
„Duh, we have heard that, we all have heard that. I hope you have enough energy left for some music.“ the singer laughs.  
„I bet Roger is always in to play with two hard sticks.“ John giggles and Roger wiggles his brows . „ Yeah man, and whenever I do it^s going to be noisy!“  
It^s all so easy and natural with our bandmates. Why have we been so frightened in the 80^s?


	19. Pop trash movie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pop star life is quite exhausting. Nick and Roger need a short vacation.

After a quick breakfast we work on yet another song and we all think it^s time to make the reunion official now that we are sure that it really works.  
We call Raffy and Andy Hamilton and choose Louise from OK for the article and Maurice for the very first pictures of the reunited band.  
Me and John are overworking the Duran-website and it will be online with the new version as soon as the article is out.  
Our very first interview as a band with the line-up LeBon/Rhodes/ Taylor/ Taylor/ Taylor for more than 15 years is all fun and in no way comparable to the helpless stutters we let out in the very early days. We are so confident and proud now, older and wiser.  
Maurice is a very good photographer and he captures the creative mood between as just perfectly, as well as our friendship …and love.  
The main pic for the first press release has Charlie and me sitting on a vintage sofa and the Taylors standing behind, Roger^s hands on my shoulders. Then there is a single shot of each but Roger and me. We are sitting on that sofa together, smiling broadly at each other.  
The fan community freaks out. There have been rumours for months about a reunion, and everyone is happy that it^s finally confirmed.  
Roger and I are surprised and very amused about all the gay fans who are bombing us with mails, showing their support. We get a lot of requests from gay mags and our management is very glad about that, because me and Rog being a couple brings new fans and , let’s face it, more money.  
We win a lot of hearts with our first appearance in * queer TV* and it^s one of the funniest and most honest interviews ever. The host is a very glamourous drag queen called Lady Lucious, who is a big fan of Duran Duran.  
We talk about our coming out, about family life, about the events at the Seabreeze Hotel and such, and then the we play * Gay bullshit bingo*, which has us all laughing.  
Roger almost kills us all with the answer to * the one with the most make-up on always bottoms* as he says: „ I won^t bet my ass on that, you know.“

People always see the glam side of pop star life, but what they seem to forget is the hard work it takes, especially when there^s such a big family involved like our^s.  
Beside all the interviews and photo shootings, the studiowork and such, we have to spend hours to organize daily life and I am really thankful for the help of Jay and Tatji, our parents and very good friends like Mia and Greta, Anne and Ray and Beth and Gary.  
We would never have exspected that also Raffy and Martin and Maurice are saving us more than once when interviews are taking longer than planned or we missed a flight or whatever.  
2001 is like a rush and we hardly find time as a couple, Roger and I, what is a bit frustrating, but family comes first.  
We make sure to be there for every birthday of a family member,we watch the first gig of * Noisy Youth*, the band of Tatji, James and Julian.  
I find time to give Ellea some keyboard lessons and Roger meets up with Julian at the studio in Barnes regulary.

It^s the evening of Bonsai^s 5th birthday when we sit on the sofa together, Roger and I, all exhausted, as Jay and Tatji are coming in, grinning all over.  
„You have to pack“ Tatjana announces. « You^ll go to Brighton tomorrow. »  
« Huh ? » Roger has almost fallen asleep with his head in my lab.  
„We all think you need a time out. With the help of Mia, our grandparents, Yasmin and Anne we have made a plan.You^ll stay at the hotel Mia is working in now, 4 days. Everything is taken care of, you just have to pack. » James explains.  
I have no words for the pure joy I^m feeling. It^s not only that I^m really happy about having some time with my man alone. It^s that the kids are caring so much that they have organized a trip for us. That they have sensed how stressed and exhausted we are, even if none of us has ever complained.  
We didn^t have more than 4 hours sleep at night for months, we never found time to meet up with friends for other reasons than discussing logistic probs, not to mention an almost non-existing sex life.

 

Roger jumps on the bed the moment we have stepped into the hotel room and we both fall asleep, fully clothed, as soon as our heads have touched the pillows.  
It^s all dark when I open my eyes and a look at the clock on the nightstand tells me that I have slept for more than ten hours.  
My stomach growls, reminding me of the fact that I only had breakfast, more than 12 hours ago. It^s close to midnight now and I doubt that any restaurants are still open, since it^s off-season.  
Lucky enough we are in a five star hotel with 24h-room service.  
Roger beside me is still snoring and I have to smile as I notice that we both haven^t even taken our shoes off.  
We obviously have needed a ten hour long sleep.  
Now that I^m fully awake, I feel all fit and refreshed, full of energy, and I have a lot of ideas what to do with this energy, once I would have filled my stomach with some food.  
Roger`s eyes flutter open when I touch his chest slightly and we kiss, deep and longing, until the sound of our empty stomaches make us laugh.  
I call the room service. Lobster spaghetti for him, grilled eggplants for me and a bottle of champagne.

« This is heaven » Roger sighs as he puts fork and spoon on the empty plate and bends for the bottle to pour us more champagne.  
« Not quite » I wink. « It would be if you^d be naked“  
„Oh, I can do this, no problem“ he smiles, taking our plates as he gets up and starts to undress himself after he has placed them on the table.  
„Better?“ he grins .  
„Much better! I start to unbutton my shirt, but Roger crawls back into bed beside me, covering my hands with his. „ Let me do this“  
He kisses every inch of skin he exposes while undressing me, from my chest to my toes, licking the inside of my thights, even my arm pits and I^m all hard and horny when he goes for my underpants and his tongue makes contact with the tip of my cock.  
As much as I love it,I have other things in mind, remembering his multiple orgasm a while ago. A very strange thought pops up in my mind shortly and I have to grin. Later, not now.  
Now I have to find out if it works again, and I grab his hair, pulling his mouth away from my throbbing member.  
„ I want to turn you into a quivering mess. I want to know how many times I can make you come. » I whisper hoarsely. « Lie down and hold still »  
This time it works even better than the first. He comes only minutes after I have started to lick his pucker and he literally begs for mercy as I don^t stop fucking him, even when I already have spilled my load deep into his tight ass.  
Goodness, I^m still rock hard and still greedy for his touch and at this very moment I find out that not only Roger is able to have a neverending orgasm.  
We are both all jelly afterwards, so overwhelmed with feelings that we have to cry. The french are calling an orgasm * the little death* and we die many times that night, falling asleep again at sunrise.  
We skip breakfast and meet up with Maurice for lunch.  
When Rog is gone for the restrooms, I lean over to the reporter and say quietly: „ I just remembered your offer last night. You said you are in for erotic photos, yeah? There is something very naughty I want to ask you.“  
„ Huh! Naughty! I love naughty things! Out with it!“ he chuckles, all excited.  
„ I want a picture of Roger^s face the moment he comes . Do you think it^s possible ? »  
« Oh. Er... that^s…interesting. Indeed. Very very interesting“ Maurice blushes. „ You are aware of the fact that I^d have to watch you then, yeah?“  
„I am. No clue if Roger is in it for, but..it^s something that is on my mind for quite a long time, and you^re the only one I can think of to take this photo. I know it^s pretty much to ask for, since I can^t promise you that you ^d be somehow involved or something…I have to ask my man first, of course. But IF he^d be ok with it, would you be?“  
„ Nick Rhodes, you are a fucking genius! Wow, I^m so very in, I tell you! Under one condition, though.At least you have to allow me to wank myself, because I don^t think I^d be able to watch without getting extremely horny. Gosh. I^m all horny right now, I admit.“  
„ Only fair“ I grin. „what do you think about hitting the club tonight to get into the mood and see how and where it ends?“  
I whisper the whole plan in Roger^s ear when he^s back and he shakes his head, laughing quietly. „ My my, I^m surrounded by perverts! And I thought it^s just a phrase when you said you want a picture of that. Well, ok, gentlemen, let^s find out if it works »

 

We spend the whole day with Maurice, having a walk on the beach, teatime in a very cosy tea salon and he shows us around in the Brighton observer-building before we part , only to meet at the club later.

„Nicky?“ Roger leans at the doorway of the bathroom, watching me putting my eyeliner on.  
„Hm?“  
„ You and Maurice…do you have more in mind than pictures? You are not planning a threesome here, are you ? »  
« I don^t think that such things can be planned, luv. As I have told you both, he^s the only one I can imagine to take this photo. He^s good, he has proved it more than once. And I like him.“  
„ I like him, too. And he likes us, obviously.I bet he^s thinking about the options right now.“  
„ Well, IS there an option?“ I grin, pulling him close.  
„ Possibly maybe.“ He smiles. „ I just…i don^t know »  
« Relax, ok ? There is nothing planned and we will see what happens. Maybe it just doesn’t fit today, maybe it will never fit, maybe we^ll have a very nice photo tomorrow, maybe not, and possibly maybe we^ll have more than a photo. Who knows?“


	20. Three to get ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First part of a threesome here

Brighton, November 2001

The three of us are sitting in the lounge area of the club, sipping champagne and watching the crowd, making bets of who would hit the darkroom with whom.  
„See that asian guy over there? He^s on the hunt.“ Maurice chuckles. „The object of his desire is that blonde twink at the bar. »

„A round of shots that they are down in the cellar within 15 minutes“ Roger grins.  
„ I will never understand this…how someone can have sex in the darkness surounded by strangers.“ I shake my head. „ it^s not about morality or something…just..what^s the point when you can^t even see each other ? »  
« Maybe that^s the thrill » my man shrugs. „ People can have really strange turn-ons, huh? Do you have ever hit the darkroom, Maurice ? »

« Once …no, twice. It^s not my cup of tea, but sometimes…need takes over, I guess. Sometimes your right hand and the mental cinema just isn^t enough. Afterwards I thought it would have been the better option, though. All those men looking for some quick fuck…it^s kinda sad, isn^t it? Five minutes with a stranger…that can^t even be called proper sex. And they don^t kiss. None of them ever kisses. There^s a total lack of closeness. Sad, really sad“  
„ And why is a gorgeous, smart man like you still single?“ I ask.  
„ I^m not over my last lover yet. A married man. I should have known it ends in a desaster, but…well, I was in love“  
„ I can relate“ I have to kiss Roger and what should have been a short touch of lips turns into a passionate tongueplay somehow.  
« Well » Maurice chuckles after a few minutes « maybe YOU would like to go down to the playground, huh ? You can follow the asian and his twink, they just left. I want my shot first, though!“

Grinning broadly Roger goes to the bar for the drinks and our friend winks at me. „You know that you are one happy man, Rhodes, don^t ya?“  
„ I^m well aware of that, Slater!“ I smile and watch my drummer talking to the barkeeper, making his order.  
I guess some people think that we are quite a mismatch.  
Me, the fashion crazy, heavily made-up art freak and he, the down to earth type who loves his jeans and plain tees and prefers an AstonVilla match to an art exhibition, but actually it^s exactly that what makes us such a strong unit. Our differences, the wish and will to learn from each other. Roger goes to exhibitions with me because he knows I like it. I go into the stadium with him to watch soccer for the same reason. It broadens your mind, really.  
« And he^s doing it again, staring at his love » Maurice sighs. « Stop torturing a lonely single man, yeah ? »  
« If you think THIS is torture, Mister Slater, how will you survive watching us having sex, huh ? » I smirk.  
« Ah.Well…sometimes torture is sexy, hm ? » he giggles.  
Roger comes back with the shots and we cling glasses, chatting about this and that.  
„So, you^ve been with a married man, yeah?“ Rog asks.  
„Yep. Something I have sworn I would never do.I really have thought he^d leave his wife for me, but well, he didn^t , obviously. I ended it after 2 years. Shortly after we first have met here, by the way. You know, Roger,I said to Yasmin back then that I wish someone would look at me like Nick looks at you...That was some sort of wake up call, I guess. This commitment…the devotedness you have for each other, it was very touching, really. I realized that this is what I want for myself, not less. Hard to find, though, I^m only human and bloody hell, do I miss sex! And kissing. Most of all i miss kissing, because, as I said before, sex is not a problem to get in the gay scene. But no one ever kisses.“  
„I understand. Absolutely!“ my man nods.  
„Ok, gentlemen, I have to ask you something » the photographer swallows visibly. „Do you…do you want me around for a photo only?“  
« Ha ! » Roger blurts. « I told you he^s thinking of options ! »  
« It isn^t that odd, is it ? » Maurice blushes.  
„ It isn^t!“ I say quietly, feeling the vibe changing in an instant.  
„ Are you experienced? With threesomes?“ my man asks straight forward.  
„No, to be honest. Have dreamt about it, but never had the opportunity. You?“  
« Nope. Same. » Roger admits and his hand is squeezing my thight.  
« Don^t get me wrong, Iwould be all happy with watching. It^s just…well, I like you two, I miss sex and yeah, the thought of a threesome is extremely thrilling. Gawd, i hope I haven^t ruined our friendship now or something. Er…I^ll go get us another drink, yeah?“ He^s literally running to the bar.  
„Someone is all embarrassed“ Roger chuckles. „ It^s kinda cute, isn^t it?“  
„What about you? How do YOU feel about that?“ I wonder, pulling him close.  
„I knew it^s in the air. I told you. I still don^t know…maybe we should leave soon? Going back to the hotel and see what happens?“  
„If everyone waits that something is going to happen, nothing will ever happen“ I point out.  
„ Who said to me things can^t be planned, heh ? tell me, Nicky, do you want it ? Do you want something to happen ? »  
„I don^t know.“  
„My, listen to us, that^s rediculous!“ Roger laughs.  
Maurice comes back with champagne glasses and we clinged classes yet again  
My man, the one who is still called quiet and shy by the press, my down to earth other half, grins his legendary mischievious grin and i know he^s up to something.  
He sits in the middle and somehow Maurice is now closer than he was before he left. We are all pretty aware of that and Roger still grins when he takes a sip of champagne, leans over to the photographer and kisses him right on his lips, passing the pearly liquid over.  
„Ooof“ Maurice gasps when they part, and Roger takes another sip, passing this one to me.  
„Now you two“ he licks his lips and I find this familiar gleam of lust in the dark of his eyes.  
Maurice and I are kissing right in front of his face, I actually feel his breath on my skin and surely Maurice feels that, too.  
„I like that, gentlemen, I like that very much. I think we should leave now.“ Quiet and shy,,,my arse!  
Again Roger is in the middle when we drive back to the hotel. We don^t talk much, we are just grinning at each other like idiots, Roger^s right hand on my thight, covered with my own hand, his left one on Maurice’s thight, covered by the man^s hand.

It^s extremely erotic how my sweet drummer takes the lead here, suprisingly confident, although he is with no doubt the most unexperienced one of us.  
But then, it was the same in Japan, where he was literally a virgin.  
Roger just loves sex, I guess. He^s sultry. Curious and sultry with a total lack of shame once he^s up to something.  
He opens the door to our room, making an inviting gesture « After you »  
Funny enough we both sit on the bed, staring at him, waiting for him to continue with whatever he has in mind. Maurice reaches for my hand and I have a deja vu when Roger leans against the wall opposite of us, crossing his arms. That smile of him is all naughty, naughty and amused.  
„it^s hot in here, don^t you think?“ he winks and his shirt is gone with one swift sexy move.  
„Hey Roger“ I say hoarsely „ Come over, we need some company «  
He moves slowly towards us until his legs almost touch ours and…good god…drops on his knees in front of us. I let my hand run over his bare chest and the reporter mirrors it with his, No words are needed when we both go for one of his nipples, thumbs first, then lips and tongues.  
« Uh » His hands are in our hair and he tilts his head back, moaning.  
I want him in the middle again, between us in bed. I want him naked and screaming with pleasure. Grabbing the back of his neck i pull him close for a kiss while our friend is still licking his nipple. „Pull that jeans off“ I growl and he doesn^t hesitate to get on his feet, having his pants down in no time.  
„Good griefs“ Maurice gasps and I have to laugh. I know, men are funny when it comes to their cocks, but Roger^s is probably the only one with a worldwide reputation.  
„Have the camera ready, mate, i^ll show you something incredibly beautiful » I smile and Roger^s face is indeed very beautiful as he gets the meaning of my words. He lies down on the bed, looks from me to Maurice and says „ You two are wearing way too many clothes, if you ask me. Do you need help?“  
„It looks more like you^d need help there, dear“ Maurice chuckles, glancing at his rock hard member.  
„Oh, I^d apprechiate that, so better get naked before I help myself“ With that, he starts to wank himself slowly and we don^t need any further invitation. The reporter is a pleasure to look at, I have to say. Once he^s naked, he takes his camera and climbs into bed behind my man. The *click click* of the camera turns me on, no clue why. I still hear it when i dive between Roger^s legs and it mixes nicely with his moans as i start to lick him.  
Soon there is a duet of moans and gasps, no * click* any more. I come up to see what^s going on.  
They are kissing passionately and Roger wanks Maurice in this well known slow, steady rhythm while the other man^s fingers are firly wrapped around the drummer^s cock.  
„Don^t stop, Nicky, don^t stop“ he rocks his hips impatiently and i grabbed the camera, capturing the two, capturing Roger^s dark eyes, now fixed at me, capturing Maurice with his eyes closed, head tilted back, pure bliss in his face.

„Goodness, Nick`“ he grins as he realizes what i^m doing here and his eyes flutter open. „ Fuck this greedy thing!“  
The thought comes out of nowwhere and hits me with full force. Before I can think i speak it out. « Roger may needs two hands, but do you think he can handle two cocks ? »  
Both, Maurice and roger, are staring at me, both not sure if they get it right.  
« You mean… ?? » The man^s voice is barely above a whisperand Roger makes a very strange noise.  
Yeah, I know, I said i don^t want another man to fuck him, but I really wonder what it feels like. To be in him with another cock.  
„Yeah. I mean. What do you think, luv?“


	21. Reach up for the sunrise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roger needs two cocks for his.
> 
> Short chapter, but I didn^t want to let you wait.

„Oh wow...I …uh..that^s…“ his stutters trail off as I start to lick him again and let two fingers glide in, working him open.  
„Maurice, there are condoms and lube in the nightstand“ I say, coming up to meet the reporter^s blue eyes. The man^s hands are shaking a wee bit when he takes the stuff out of the drawer.  
„Come here and help me“ I croak.  
Holy fuck, holy fuck, holy fuck!  
Yet alone having our fingers in him together is overwhelming and we are smiling at each other, fingers intertwined in this tight slippery hotness of Roger^s ass, carefully stretching his entrance.  
We kiss deeply, well aware that we are sharing something extremely intimate here. It^s almost spiritual.  
Roger looks like he^s a million miles away, like he^s high and all spaced out. God, he^s beautiful. Incredibly beautiful, giving himself completely.  
Maurice and I have a wordless conversation as he gestures me to lie down and I get it in an instant. We are a good team, minds thinking alike.  
Roger whimpers quietly the moment we pull our fingers out. Not sure if for the loss of the sensation or for the things to come, and his eyes flutter open when I lie down beside him and I kiss him gently, having yet another wordless converation here, his lips forming a loudless * yes* and a shaky little smile shows in his face.  
„ C^mere, luv, ride me“I whisper and he doesn’t hesitate to crawl over me, lowering over my latex covered cock, impaling himself slowly.  
I almost forget about Maurice, getting lost in the dephts of my man^s bedroom eyes. Once I^m all in we don^t move. He places a hand over my heart and I return the gesture.   
You are mine.  
I am your^s.  
He bends down to kiss me, whispering „ Hold me, please.“ In my ear before he turns to the other man. „Can^t be more ready. Try it now“  
I fling my arms around him, pulling him close to my chest, and then there^s another cock throbbing against his pucker, the tip slowly joining my member and Roger gasps against my skin, trying to breathe away the pain of this extreme stretching as Maurice works himself in deeper and deeper, all slow , as gentle as possible.  
Only our heavy breathing can be heard for a while, a very erotic, heartbreakingly intimate sound, more intense than all the moans and gasps we have shared until now.   
We all need time to adjust to that feeling of tighness and pressure when he’s all in and it^s Roger who starts to move first, rocking his hips slowly.  
Not easy to find a rhythm together and it takes us a while to find out what works best.  
There was no need to move for me, Roger and Maurice have more space and I^m all happy with the hotness around me and the constant friction of another cock against my own. A mindblowing experience that is, almost too intense to bear.  
I look into Roger^s face the whole time and like always he never closes his eyes. „ Harder now, if you can, Maurice“ I moan , knowing the espression in this beloved face, knowing that my love is close.  
And then he screams, Roger, screams and shudders as the man has grabbed his hips and fucks him fast and greedy with deep thrusts, his cock rubbing over mine. God, that^s tight and hot and…waah. I^m the first to come, out of nowhere and with such a force that I^m shaking like a leaf, absolutely helpless and while I^m still spilling my load into the condom I feel Roger^s hot wetness on my skin, the strong contractions of his muscles almost painful now around my overstimulated cock. It^s a delicious mix, a cocktail of lust, a symphony of moans and flesh and semen.Maurice collapses onto us and we hold each other in a sweaty, sticky hug.  
„Can^t…breathe“ Roger murmurs against my skin and we give him free, give him space to fill his lungs. He rolls off of me, patting the sheets beside him „ Come here, man“. In the middle again he is, having two heads resting on his chest, his arms around two sweaty men and he kisses us both.  
„Thank you…that was…“ he chuckles „…literally fullfilling,I^d say.“  
We have to laugh and I^m very glad that there^s no awkwardness between us, no shame or embarrassment.  
I go to bin the used condoms and stop at the mini bar, pleased to find a small bottle of champagne in it, which I think suits the occasion.  
Would be great to have a cigarrette in bed now, but non smoking policy is merciless even when it comes to postcoital needs.  
We sit up against the headboard, sipping champagne, enjoying the afterglow of lust.  
At this very moment we need no words. Our smiles speak volumes  
Roger winces slightly when he gets up for a smoke on the balcony.  
« You’re ok ? » I worry.  
« Yes, all fine, just a bit overstretched, I guess » he winks.  
Maurice and I decide to join him and a minute later we are leaning at the handrail, Roger in the middle yet again.  
„Let me know when you are ready for a second round“ Maurice grins. « it was somehow impossible to shoot a pic »

In the end it^s me who is taking that picture, Maurice needs his two hands otherwise.

It^s all dark when I open my eyes . The room is filled with the heavy scent of sex, this mix of sweat, semen and lube. I can tell that this arm around me isn^t Roger^s , but the hairy leg is a very familiar one. I free myself carefully, put a bathrobe on and go for another smoke.  
The night is clear and cold , lot^s of stars can be seen.I^m listening to my inner voice to find out if there are any regrets , but there^s only pure happiness and satisfaction.  
Maurice has to leave for work at eight, and we hug each other heartily.  
We^ll meet for dinner again, together with Mia and Greta.  
Roger and I spend the day mostly in bed, talking about last night^s happenings. I worry a bit, though. It’s more painful for him than he admits, I can tell by his very careful moves and the wincing   
Somehow this experience has brought us even closer together and we are all cuddly and cozy.

Around five in the afternoon we go for a walk on the beach.it^s quite windy and cold and we stop every once in a while for a deep kiss.  
The dinner, at f^Fratelli^s , of course, is all funny and easy going, it is no problem to be in * friend’s mode* with Maurice. He has always been a little flirty and nothing has changed.  
All five of us end nicely squiffy in our hotel room, talking until sunrise.


	22. Too much information

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A family vacation with friends.

London, December 2001  
It^s this time of the year again . School break just has started and everyone is excited. For once we won^t be at Simon^s party, we^ll have a proper, three weeks long family vacation over christmas and new year at Mahe, the main island of the beautiful Seychelles, together with Anne, Raymond, Lisa and Julian.  
We have invited them , as a christmas gift and a *thank you* for all the help during the year.  
The Smith family is slightly overwhelmed by the luxury in the business class of Emirates Airways, and we start the trip with champagne.  
„Vampires! Vaaampiiiires!“ Bonsai screams as we sit at the hotel restaurant^s terrace, enjoing a spectacular sunset.  
We are at Banyan Tree Seychelles, located in the wonderful Intendance bay.  
« Those are fruit bats, Elliot.They won^t bite you. » Roger laughs.  
We go to bed early that first day, exhausted and overwhelmed, Bonsai sleeping between us.  
« He looks more like you with every day » I grin.  
„Have I ever told you that there was a time when i thought about rejoining Duran? In the very beginning of 1996. I felt that Gio drifted away from me…of course she did, she was dating Lorenzo, but i didn^t know back then. Not only you have watched that perfect day video again and again, Nicky. I watched it about a million times and I think you look absolutely gorgeous in it. I wanted to call you…I wanted to tell you that I still miss you, after all those years…and then my wife announces that she^s pregnant. Well, you know the story, but do you know that Dante is the short form for *Durante*? My band tribute, so to speak. Who would have guessed that he would be closer to you than to his mother? He is really your son somehow.“ He reaches for my hair, stroking it ever so gently and I almost cry.  
Elliot Durante…Dante. My god!  
« Roger…!“ We kiss carefully and I feel absolutely overflooded with love.

„Goodness, the british invasion!“ Anne laughs when we meet for breakfast, walking through the tropic garden the bungalows are set in towards the main building.  
We are indeed some very special group of people. I guess we are a little sensation here and this has nothing to do with the *pop star factor*.

Even when surounded with luxury here, we want to keep it as normal as possible, no private in room dining and such, no *VIP-behave*. The only thing we kindly ask for is that they would set up a table for ten.  
Roger and I are well aware that us being a couple could cause some problems, since gays are not often seen and not very tolerated in Africa and we probably will upset people with our flirty behaviour, but how can you not hold hand and kiss and permanently smile at each other in such suroundings?  
Even with the whole family and friends around we feel like it^s some sort of honeymoon, and we are obviously not the only ones.  
Yet again everyone is holding hands under the table and I^m a bit sorry for Jay and Ellea. As soon as I have thought that, Roger^s daughter leans over to me, smiling broadly. « Love is in the air…looove is in the air » she sings and we all join in, causing the other guests to turn their heads. Lisa and Elliot almost freak out about the breakfast buffet and they load their plates with fruits and cake while us adults decide that a glass of champagne in the morning won^t hurt.  
„Aaaah, that^s a vacation!“ Ray leans back. « This is by far the most beautiful place I have ever seen. Thank you so much for this , guys ! »  
« We can^t thank you enough for what you have done for us. We would never have survived this year without you. And be aware of the fact that we will need you even more once the album is out and we^ll touring!“ Roger grins. „ So this is all cold and calculating.“  
„ If this is your way to be cold and calculating, go ahead, dear!“ Anne laughs. „ is everyone ready for the beach?“  
„Yeeeees!“ Bonsai yells.   
„Have you seen that they have Aldabra giant tortoises here? I wanna go watch them before swimming.“ Jay suggests and we are all in.

„ Wooooah!“ Bonsai is all thrilled by the size of the animals and one of the guards comes over to tell us about them.  
„Hya folks. I^m Glen, responsible for the two. We wanted to start a breeding programme with Mike and Molly. But you know what? We found out that they are actually Mike and Marvin and they are definetly not a bit interested in females.“  
Tatji almost dies laughing. „ Gay tortoises! Haaahaaahaaaa, really?“  
„ Yep, exactly. They are together for almost 20 years now and if you hear some strange noises every once in a while, something that reminds you of a tyrannosaurus on speed, it^s them having fun.“ He winks and blushes slightly as he notices us holding hands.  
„ Who^s Marvin and who^s Mike?“ Roger wants to know.  
„ Marvin is the one with the darker shell. He^s the older one. About 70 years , Mike is not even 50.“ Glen explains.“ They can reach an age of 150. Well, obviously the breeding programme doesn^t work, so we use them as an example that homosexuality is all natural, huh?“ he winks at us and we both realize that we are one of a kind.  
How funny to have a gay guard for gay tortoises.

Not much later we are down at the beach. Tatji and Julian disappear behind one of the granite rocks, Ellea and James are snorkeling and Roger has fun in the waves with the little ones.  
„ Does Tatjana talk to you about sex?“ Anne wonders. „Julian never says something, and they seem to be pretty close.“  
„ She promised me to let me know if she^s having sex, but who knows? Been a while since we last have talked. We should trust them, though. They are both very responsible.“  
„ Yeah, hopefully. I feel too young to be a granddad“ Ray grins.“  
« Hey ! « Tatjana^s voice comes from behind that rock. « We hear you ! »  
« That^s good ! » Ray shouts back « Then we hear you, too!“  
« If it sounds like a dinosaur on speed, it^s Marvin and Mike ! » she giggles. « Or dad and other dad »  
Talking about *other dad*. Other dad is a pleasure to look at in swim shorts, really.  
Maurice would roll his eyes now, saying „ You are staring again, Rhodes!“  
I have to smile at the thought of the photographer.  
Our very own gay porn mag is now safely locked in the commode at home. If one of the kids would find it…ooof, I don^t wanna think about that.   
Without any doubt it would make thousands on Ebay, if some fans would find out.  
Next time he has to bring his tripod, that we can have a pic with us three…wait, am I actually thinking about a *next time* here? Must be the sight of my man in short shorts, the glistening water on his skin and that adorable laugh.  
„ Nicky, come in!“ he shouts and I chuckle quietly. Oh yeah, would I like to come in! All the way to my balls, luv.  
„No thanks, all happy here!“ I answer but this is obviously not an option, as a very wet drummer has me over his shoulder in no time.  
I don^t like water that much, especially when it^s salty, but here in the warmth of the indian ocean, with Roger^s arms around me, I think I could get used to it.  
Ray follows us right behind. „ i will look for the kids now, go have a swim or whatever“  
Ah, I would go for *whatever*…  
Rog seems to have the same thought . There is something very interesting throbbing against my thight under the waterline and this mischievious smile shows again.  
Those impressive granite rocks are very usable and now it^s us disappearing behind one, one of those in the water and we are about to have a very quick quickie when Roger notices two snorkles showing above the waterline. Thank goodness, we would have had sex right in front of Ellea and James!

They are not stupid, though, of course, and they know quite well what almost has happened.  
Just when the four of us are coming out of the ocean we hear it loud and clear. It really sounds like a tyrannosaurus on speed.  
„ Good griefs“ I chuckle. „ never in my entire life have i thought that one day I would envy tortoises! »

We spend the whole day at the beach.  
Lisa and Elliot can hardly keep their eyes open during dinner. For some reason Tatjana and Julian are very eager to bring their siblings to bed, Jay and Ellea leaving not much later.  
„Yay! Kids are gone, bring the drinks!“ Ray beams and we order cocktails.

After one week in the Resort everyone knows us, from room maids to bar staff, from security guards to hotel management and the way from our bungalows in the hill down to the main building for breakfast or dinner sometimes takes more than 30 minutes because we have to talk to everyone we meet. Sure, we could order eletric cars to drive us down, but we enjoy the beautiful garden too much.  
Elliot and Lisa are spending lots of time with Glen, master of the tortoises, and with Mike and Marvin, of course.  
One evening we have drinks with Glen, lots of drinks, and the tortoises seem to be very very horny that day. We know the sound quite well by now.  
„Ah, the romantic noises of fucking turtles in the evening“ Ray chuckles.  
„And in the morning. And at midday. And after tea time!“ Roger counts.  
„They are some lucky dudes, if you ask me » Glen grins, raising his glass. « To Mike and Marvin »  
« May they live happily ever after » Anne laughs.  
„Hey Glen, do they switch?“ Roger wonders.  
„Not that I know. Whenever I am around, Mike bottoms“ he shrugs.  
„Eh? Would you be so kind to explain a clueless hetero lad what you are talking about?“ Ray doesn^t get it.  
« Two dicks. Two holes.Two options. » his wife giggles and my man almost spills his drink laughing.  
„To Mike then, who takes it all dry!“ he snorts.  
„ Oh please! Too much information!“ Raymond shudders.  
„Hey, stop whining, man! For once we are the majority here. You have no clue how often we have to listen to men referring about breast sizes and such.“ the biologist smirks.  
„I assure you that I never have met any hetero men who have referred about the sex life of tortoises, if gay or straight.“ our friend grins.  
„Oh well, they are the only ones here who actually have a sex life, huh?“ Anne grins.   
„ Tell me about“ Roger sighs, lying an arm around my waist.   
„If you need a babysitter, no problem, I can look after Elliot and Lisa.“ Glen suggests.  
„Ok, here^s the plan, guys: tomorrow after breakfast Ray and I will hit the beach with the kids, giving you some privacy. The next day it^s the other way around. Deal?“ Mrs Smith is a genius. It^s so simple, we should have done it from the beginning on.

It^s funny. I^m really nervous when we go back into the bungalow after breakfast and only when Roger comes out of the shower, all naked, i realize that I haven^t seen him like that for ages. More than two weeks.   
He is gorgeous. Tanned and muscular, deeply relaxed.  
„Hello stranger“ he grins, pulling me close. « I have never seen you wearing no make up for days. Suits you well, as much as I love your arrogant assfucker peacock appearance.“  
« I haven^t seen you wearing nothing for weeks and hell, it suits you very well.“ I let my hands run over his chest and stop him as he reaches for the hem of my shirt.  
„We have time, there^s no need to rush, luv. I want to enjoy the sight of my man naked“  
„ That^s exactly what I want, too, my sweet Nicky.“ He goes for my shirt again and this time I let him.  
Roger slowly undresses me and we stand in the middle of the room, looking at each other, smiling broadly.  
„Do you remember how we first met?“ he says quietly. « The first thing I thought was, my is he cute, and that scared me to no end. »

 

Birmingham, November 1978  
(Roger^s POV)

„Are you Roger, the drummer?“  
I almost laugh when I turn to see who^s asking.  
What a geek! All flesh and bones, quite a few inches taller than me, with thick glasses.  
„Who want^s to know that?“ I have worked hard on my coolness and I^m quite pleased how confident this comes out. I hope the raised eyebrow isn’t too much, though.  
„ Hi…I^m Nig…I^m John, This is Nick. We have a band and we are looking for a keen drummer.We have heard you are pretty good.“  
The geek isn^t alone, I see.There^s a blonde bloke beside him, his hair is obviously bleached. The intense green eyes are framed with black eyeliner. He looks ..*cute. Very cute*…interesting.  
„Yeah, we heard you played with the sex organs“ the other dude says. His voice is surprisingly deep with a thick Brum accent, such a contrast to his quite feminine appearance.  
„Scent organs. They are called SCENT organs!“ I roll my eyes.   
« Whatever. » the John-guy shrugs « so you ARE Roger, huh ? »  
„I am. And yeah, I^m good“ Ooops. I hope that doesn^t sound arrogant or something. But I am good. Drumming is probably the only thing I am good at. I thought I would be a brilliant goalie as well, but they just have thrown me out of the team today. Well, Roger, you are good, really, but you know….you are too small to be a professional goalkeeper…we are so sorry, blah blah.  
I have to say I^m very proud that someone has obviously told those two I^m good. Never ever would I have thought that I^d be asked to play in a band. Not by strangers.But hey, i^m cool! As fuck, aye?  
« Want a pint ? » I ask. Yeah, I am cool, but I really don^t want them to think i^m arrogant, especially that cute Nick-guy…  
*Ack ! Roger Andrew ! you know how fucking odd it is to think about a guy as cute, hm? Are you a fairy or what ?*  
We sit in the back of the pub and they tell me about the band…the band to be, rather, since until now it^s only them, but they are all serious about it, they really have a plan, not like those school bands I used to play with. I^m impressed.Nick seems to be the dominant one, the one with the masterplan, the driving force and I can’t believe it when he tells me that he^s only 16. I am trying to be cool as fuck, this bloke IS cool as fuck !  
I really like his voice, his way to speak, He^s …*cute*… confident as hell.

Mahe, Seychelles December 2001  
« Cute ? Please ! » I chuckle.  
« Cute, yes. You were cute and you still are. I love you.“ His smile is killing me and my knees are getting weak when he kisses me. I lean heavily against him, enjoying the feeling of skin on skin and somehow we start to move, we are dancing without music, holding each other as close as possible.  
His strong hands wander down to my bum and I purr like a cat . This man has very talented hands. This man knows exactly how to touch me. This man is made for me. I will never let him go again. Never.  
We both barely move when I am finally deep inside of him, me on top with his legs on my shoulders. I think we never have taken it that slow before, so gentle and sweet.We don^t stop kissing and it^s all warm and wet and wonderful and it lasts more than an hour.


	23. The Reflex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beach, sun, sex

Hand in hand we go down to the beach around midday.  
„That^s what happy people look like!“ Ray greets us. „If you don^t mind, I had to think about our…eh…conversation, and I was wondering…who^s Mike and who^s Marvin in your relationship?“  
„Raymond!“ Anne blurts. „ that^s none of your business, huh?“  
« I`m going to get me some snorkling gear…fancy to join me, Marvin ? » Roger chuckles, well knowing that snorkling is not my cup of tea.  
„Thanks, but no, thanks, Mike darling“ We kiss deeply before he goes to the beach house where they have snorkles and such.  
„Where is everyone?“ I want to know.  
„Lisa and Bonsai are with Glen, Ellea and James are snorkling again and i have no clue where Tatji and Julian are.“ Anne counts. „ i think we have to talk to them“  
„ Yeah, we probably should!“ I sigh.  
The thought of Tatjana having sex is very weird, I have to say. I like  
Julian, though, and i^m glad it^s him and not some brainless moron.  
The one having this talk later is actually Roger and he tells me about it after dinner.  
„Excuse us, yeah? We^ll be back in a few“ he says to the others, takes my hand and leads me to a quiet corner on the terrace.  
« Julian has asked me for condoms. I went to the shop with him to buy some. »  
„Oh.“ Although it^s not really unexpected I have to swallow hard. Roger takes me in his arms. Being a father himself and stepfather for Tatji, he definetly knows how I feel.  
„ Julian loves her, Nicky, and he is really ok. We have talked a lot when I was in the studio with him. We knew it would happen sooner or later, hm? No worries, he knows how to handle condoms, I have checked on that. They are learning it in school today. Good thing if you ask me.“  
„Yeah“ I nod. „It^s just..god, when did she become a woman? She was a little girl yesterday!“  
I lean my head against his chest and his steady heartbeat is very calming. Familiar and calming. I^m so glad he^s with me. I have always admired his serenity, his ability to deal with new situations. He is the strong shoulder to lean on, Roger. He really is.  
„Dad?“ Tatjana stands there with Julian and I have to blink the image of them having sex away that pops up in my brain.  
„We^re going to the bungalow. Er…you^ll stay here for a while, huh?“  
„Yes, Tatjana, I think about two hours or so, is that ok with you?“ Roger winks.  
„ That^s fab, other dad.And…thank you.“

There they go, my daughter and a drummer boy, hand in hand.  
„I think i want to get drunk“ I sigh and my man laughs.  
„Ok, i^m in. Want a cocktail? Sex on the beach?“  
„ Cocktail first and then sex on the beach, Mike!* I chuckle  
„ Oh well Marvin, you are such a pain in the arse sometimes!“ 

 

I^m almost asleep when there^s a knock at the door.  
„Daddy?“  
And then, the night before christmas eve, I^m sitting on the bench in front of a bungalow, at the beautiful Seychelles, holding my teenage daughter.  
„I^m sorry that I haven^t told you..I kinda promised you I would. So I thought we can talk NOW, yeah?“  
„That^s ok, Tatjana. Are you ok? Is…was it…ack, that^s weird.“  
„ I^m all fine, dad. He^s…Julian…he’s…“  
„You really love him, Tatji, hm?“  
„Hmhm.“ She snuggles up to me and we stay silent for a while.  
I^m well aware of the fact that most teenage girls won^t do that…telling their dads about the first time they have sex, and i^m thankful that she^s here, that she wants to tell me about it.  
« It hurt a bit » she says quietly. « And it wasn^t what I thought it would be like…but it was ok. Julian...he was all gentle. It was his first time, like mine. I^m happy that we have shared this.May I ask you something?“  
„ Everything you want.“  
„When you…you and Roger…had sex for the first time, in 81, did you use condoms?“  
„ No. No one knew about AIDS back then.“  
„And pregnancy wasn^t an option“ she chuckles.  
„ Elliot once said we would have cute babies“ I grin.  
« You surely would.You don^t use condoms now, do you ? Because Julian asked Roger for them and he said he doesn^t have some.“  
„ We are tested , Tatjana. There^s no need for condoms.Are you sure it was the first time for Julian? If not, ask for a test before you think of other options…like the anti baby pill or something.“  
„I^m sure, daddy.Will see my doctor when we are back.“  
„ Thanks for telling me, Tatji. I know most girls won^t. it^s not something usual.“  
„ We are not the most usual family, are we?“ she giggles.  
„Definetly not. But I love our family the way it is.“  
„Me too. « 

In the early morning I crawl into bed beside Roger and even in his sleep he pulls me close.  
I miss breakfast at december 24th and have to laugh when I step out of the bungalow, because Tatji and Julian just come out of the one beside.  
All in all we have three, one for the older kids, one for Anne, Ray and Lisa and one for Roger, Elliot and me. For once Elliot has slept in his own bed tonight, but I^m pretty sure that Tatji hasn^t shared her bed with Ellea, like it^s planned.  
„ Good morning, you two.“ I smile.  
„I^m starving!“ Julian snorts. „Morning, Nick. Do you think we can still have some breakfast?“ He turns all red when he looks at me , but I smile broadly , letting him know that i^m ok. Ok with the fact that this boy has taken my daughter^s virginity….ack.  
While all the others are down at the beach yet, I have a late morning meal with my daughter and her boyfriend.  
„What are you up to today?“ I ask.  
„Will hit the tennis court with Rog at eleven. Why don^t you come and watch?“ Julian suggests.  
I haven^t even known that Roger plays tennis, shame on me! I wonder if there^s any kind of sport he isn^t into. Swimming, running, gym, soccer…why is such a sport addict with someone as lazy as me?  
I should go to the gym with him, at least. Maybe. Sometimes.

« Roger is pretty cool. Ya know ? » Julian is obviously a big fan of my man.  
„ Oh yeah, Julian, I know.“ I assure him.  
Tatjana giggles. « My boyfriend has a crush on my other dad ! »  
« Yes, i have, I freely admit that. He^s my idol, really. And he^s cool. And he …he^s a friend. We talked a lot, and he never gives me the feeling of being * too young* or something. He^s the only one who treats me like an adult. I like that.“

Roger is nowhere in sight when we go to the beach to meet the others, neither are Bonsai and Lisa.  
„They are with Glen at Marvin and Mike^s“ Anne answers to my unspoken question and I make an excuse and go to see them.  
On my way I have to think about another island we once have been.

Antigua, May 1982  
I hate this bloody boat. I simply hate it.  
But then, I hate to be here at all. I hate to see Roger in speedos. I hate that I can^t touch him. I hate how he acts when I^m around.  
Almost a year after Japan and we never could go back to * friendship mode*. He^s literally running away from me and he is proving that yet again when he comes out of the cabin for a smoke to find me and John leaning at the railing.  
If John won^t be around, he would have turned back in an instant, I see it in his face.  
John offers a cigg and he takes it, mumbling a „Thanks“

He looks gorgeous. Tanned, in white swim shorts, such a contrast to his darkened skin. Stunning. Sexy.  
„Are you ok?“ he asks me, and I almost jump. He rarely talks to me these days, so I^m a bit surprised.  
« A bit sea sick » I shrug « But I will survive »  
« I have pills against sea sickness, want some ? » The way he looks at me, with honest concern, makes me smile. He still cares for me. He`s still sensing when i^m not feeling well.  
„That would be fab, thank you!“ I smile broadly at him and my heart jolts when he smiles back  
„Russell says it won^t take much longer.“ John says. „We will soon be back to the beach.“  
„ If you won^t have thrown Andy over board, we would be long done!“ I poke my friend in the belly.  
„Yeah, but it was fun, wasn^t it?“ he grins. „ C^mon! It was fun!“  
„ His face! I nearly died laughing! » Roger chuckles.  
Yeah.He did. His laugh should be in the video. People would love it.I love it.  
At this very moment, here on the boat, leaning at the railing side by side, it^s like it was before Japan between us.  
Maybe it can work…us being friends.We should talk.

In the evening i make my way to his private beach bungalow with two bottles of cold beer. He^s been snorkeling the whole day once we were finished with the video and has said good night to everyone right after dinner.  
Probably the only opportunity I`d have to talk to him alone.  
I^m about to knock at his door when I see him through the window and I stop dead in my tracks.  
He comes out of the bathroom. Naked.  
I know, I should turn away. But I can^t.  
*oh please, Roger ! Get dressed ! Get dressed! I need to talk to you and I can^t think when…oh…my …fucking…god*

He lies down on the bed, his body beautifully outstretched right before my eyes, and he^s rock hard.

*Go! RUN! LEAVE, NICHOLAS!*  
I can^t, I just can^t. God. Oh God !  
He grabs his cock. One hand around the balls, one hand around the shaft.  
I hear his soft moan through the glassless window as he starts to wank himself and my member swells in my pants.  
Goodness. Holy fuck. Roger!  
*I want you. Let me do that. I want you ! I want to suck you. I want to fuck you*  
A strange noise comes out of my throat and I^m afraid that Roger has heard it, but he^s too concentrated on what he^s doing there, eyes closed, his moans getting louder with his moves getting faster.  
My own erection is almos painful by now, but I don^t dare to move. If Roger would spot me here…  
*Maybe he would invite you in ? He^s far away from Gio. Gio will never know…maybe he invites you in?? And then what? Another night that will almost kill us both? Another year like this?*  
I cover my mouth with my palm when he comes with long, thick spurts andIi hear him saying one word, gasping it, rather.  
„Nicky“  
I run. 

Seychelles, December 24, 2001  
„Nicky!“ I grin broadly when i hear him saying that…fits so nicely with the memory and like back then i feel my cock getting hard.  
*dead fish…dead fish…dead fish*  
Well, it^s the most unerotic thing that comes to my mind and with Elliot and Lisa around I have to do something against an obvious bulge in my pants, right?  
„Hey luv! Just had breakfast with your biggest fan!“ I grin, pulling him close. Obviously my erection isn^t all gone as he whispers „ Oh hello, so happy to see me?“  
„Always, darling, always“ I whisper back.  
I would love to go back into the bungalow with him right now, but today it^s Anne and Ray^s turn for some time off and because of me , because I have been late, they are still at the beach.  
Together with Lisa and Bonsai we join them again and Ray smiles like a chesire cat when he takes his wife^s hand. „ All your^s Misses Smith“

The littlest are playing near by, the older ones are in the sea and I lie my head in Roger^s lab, enjoing his fingers in my hair.  
„I had to think about Antigua. The Rio-video.“ I say quietly.  
„That was horror for you, wasn^t it? You were all green and you looked like you^d die.“ He chuckles by the memory.  
„It was one of the very few situations I thought we could be friends again.I wanted to talk to you that evening. I came to your bungalow. You left early, remember?“  
„You never showed up“ he wonders.  
„No. I mean…I showed up…but I never knocked at your door.“  
„ Why not?“  
„ Because you were busy“ I grin. „ With both hands“  
„Wha…oh! Nicholas James Bates! You watched me jerking off?“  
« Yes. I watched you and I heard you. I heard you moaning my name when you came. And I ran away. Because…it was too much ! «  
« Oh, Nicky ! » he bends down to kiss me. „ I^m very very happy that you are not running away now every time I moan or scream your name when I come, you would be very busy. »

« What would have happened if I had knocked ? »I want to know. « Would you had let me in ? »  
« No. I don^t think so. If you would have knocked BEFORE I …well, before…probably maybe. But not when covered with cum and those images in my mind, no.“His fingers trail down my chest. „you were…you…i liked you in that suit. Classy. Very * Nick-ish*“  
„ i liked you in the white speedos. And dear god, I liked you without them! I just couldn^t move when I saw you touching yourself. I^m a shameless voyeur, sorry. » I plant a kiss on his muscled stomach.  
« Too bad i have never caught you touching yourself…I^m pretty sure i would have been a shameless voyeur, too. » Roger winks and I feel a wave of happiness rushing over me.  
We don^t have to hide any more.  
Here, at the wonderful Intendance bay, I pull my drummer close and kiss him deeply.  
„ Stoooop snoggling ALL the time!“ a little Roger-clone yells. „ Look what we have!“  
A starfish it is, bigger than Elliot^s hand.  
„Put it back in the water, Bonsai. It will die.“ Roger gets up to bring the animal back and I can^t stop smiling as I look after them.  
He still is stunning in speedos. And the little man by his side would be a real heartthrob in a few years.

We have a wonderful christmas dinner with the very few remaining guests and the whole hotel crew at the restaurant^s terrace.  
„If you don^t mind me asking… who belongs to whom here?“ an elderly woman asks when she passes our table.  
„ That^s my daddy.“ Elliot beams, pointing at Roger. « and he belongs to Nicky ! »  
He belongs to Nicky. How cute is that?  
„And James, Tatji and Ellea are my siblings! Lisa is my girlfriend, and Tatji is Julian`s girlfriend!“ he continues“ I^m Elliot Dante Taylor. and who are you?“  
„I^m Gladys…and i^m confused.“ she laughs.  
« Huh-loooh, Gladys ! Are you alone ? You shouldn^t be alone at christmas ! »  
That^s how Elliot Dante Taylor invites a woman into our lifes who becomes a very close friend in no time.  
She joins us at our table on his invitation and Ray explains yet again who is belonging to whom.  
« Ah, now I get it ! she smiles., turning to me. „ Help me …where have I seen you guys before?“

 

London, january 2002

„Home sweet home“ i sigh when we step in. As much as i love travelling, I have missed our little castle.  
« I^m freezing » James shudders « We should have stayed there over winter ! »  
„Definetly!“ Ellea nods.  
„I will miss Mike and Marvin! And Glen!“ Elliot pouts.  
„Stop sobbing, ya^ll.“ Rog laughs.  
School starts again the next day and we send everyone to bed early.  
It^s more than two years now.Two years with this wonderful man by my side and sometimes I can hardly believe it.  
One of those moments is now, when I come into the living room to find Roger sitting on the couch, leaned back and all relaxed, eyes closed. I can tell he isn^t sleeping, since he still sips his gin.  
I will never get tired to simply watch him, to simply enjoy his sight.  
„Hey, luv“ he says quietly,sensing my presence yet again. »Come over, I need some company. There^s a vodka orange waiting for you »  
« I think i will stay here for a while and watch you. » i smile.  
„Oh yeah, I forgot you are one shameless voyeur. Sorry, I^m just drinking here, not so much of a thrill“  
„ Yet alone seeing you that happy and relaxed thrills me to no end, I assure you. It^s sexy. You¨re beautiful »  
« No one has ever called me beautiful » he chuckles .  
« I always have. To myself, most of the time, though. You are one very fine specimen of a man, Roger. You really are. »  
His eyes flutter open and he fixes at me, smiling ever so sweetly.  
„Come over, Nicky. Please. I want to hold you.“  
„Have I ever told you that your arms are amazing? And your chest is, oh yeah…not to mention those muscled hairy legs of your^s. I like it how you always fling one of them around me at night. Uh, but then…I like it much more when you fling both of them around me while I fuck you in your very very amazing tight hot ass.“  
« Nick Rhodes ! come over here ! Now!“  
„ No. I¨m going to bed. You^re more than welcome to come with me.“  
I don^t know how it did happen , but somewhere between * you^re beautiful* and * tight hot ass* my mind has switched from * god, is he wonderful* to * I want to fuck him to death*. And I turm and practically storm into the bedroom, hoping that he follows right behind.  
He does.  
„You are plain evil“ he growls, pinning me against the closed door.  
« I^m not evil. I just want you so much it kills me »  
„Same here“ he literally tears my shirt apart , buttons flying around, and has my pants down in a split second.  
I turn into jelly when he takes me in his mouth.  
„Goodness, I forgot…your mouth is amazing. Your tongue is amazing, your… »  
« Shut the fuck up, Nicholas!“  
„ Have I heard *fuck*?‘“ I moan and that^s what I do only secomds later.


	24. Who do you think you are?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon has a few worries

One really amazing thing about Roger…beside all those amazing body parts…is, that he never gets loud. Well, in bed, yes, he^s very loud during sex, but what I mean is that he never yells, he never gets angry. I admire that, I indeed do. I have quite a temper sometimes and every once in a while I^m loosing my nerves completely, especially when it comes to Mister Lebon. I love this man, he^s a wonderful person, one out of a handful of people I call real friends, it^s just that he can be quite annoying. His constant craving for attention reminds me of a pouty 3 year old.  
We are working on the very last mixes for *Astronaut* and Simon is one big pain in the arse today.  
« Naaah. That^s crap. I don^t like it ! » he blurts for what it feels like the millionth time.  
Ands rolls his eyes and JT sighs deeply.  
„And what is wrong again with this one?“ I snap.  
„Too much bass. And the drums are not in time.“  
I see John and Roger changing a look .  
„Oh please, Charlie! The bass line is fab and the drums are perfectly in time. What^s the matter with you today?“ my drummer says calmly.  
„ No. Roger, you are not in time and the bass is too loud and too much!“  
Ok, at that point, if I would be Rog, I would have thrown a drumstick after Simon or something. Not that I^m the most impartial person here, as he questions the musical skills of my lover and my best friend, but the bass line IS fab and Roger is NEVER out of time.  
„ Do it better! Come over, sit here and do it better.“ Roger suggests.  
„ C^mon, Rog ! I^m not a drummer, huh ? »  
« See, Charlie, that^s exactly the point. You are neither a drummer nor a bass player. And if the bass player and the drummer are telling you that there^s nothing wrong with their parts, then do the fuck believe it, yeah?“  
„ I^m not deaf, smart ass! I hear that the beats are off!“ He is yelling now and the taste of dispute is in the air.  
„ Then maybe, Charlie, you should have your ears checked. » Roger shrugs and Andy breaks out in laughter, what makes the singer freaking out completely.  
„Who do you think you are! You^ve been away for 15 fucking years and you want to tell me something about music ? When did you become such an arrogant asshole, heh ? »  
« SIMON ! » Enough is enough. I grab him by the collar of his shirt. « What the hell is wrong with you ? «   
Everyone gasps as for a split second it looks like Charlie would punch me, but then he just turns and storms out of the studio.  
« Go after him ! « John says « Go after him, Nicholas ! »  
„ The fuck I will!“ I blurt, not trusting my own temper here.  
„You should, Nicky, really!“ Roger nods as he stands up. „ I^m coming with you.“  
Yet alone my man^s presence is calming when we walk through the hallway, checking behind every door.   
We find him outside and he looks all ashamed.  
„I^m sorry“ he mutters. *It^s…“  
I^m shocked when I see the tears in his eyes. Something is indeed very wrong here. In all those years I have never seen Simon crying. Never!  
I take him in my arms without thinking and he flings his arms around me, sobbing heartbreakingly.  
„I think Yas..I think Yas…my Yassie…“ he stutters  
* Dear god! She^s ill or something. Seriously ill. Deathly ill*  
„My wife…the mother of my kids…I think she^s cheating on me!“  
* Pheeeew!*

„ Simon! Not Yasmin!“   
„I tell you! I have seen her with this guy in town when she has told me she^s with Naomi! She gets up in the middle of the night to make phone calls..this guy, he^s a model, of course, …Yassie is leaving me , Nick, I tell you! She^s lying to me, she has secrets. I have checked on this man, He’s single, his name is Paolo Ferro…“  
Much to my surprise I hear Roger laughing almost hysterically.  
„Paolo Ferro? Seriously? You think Yasmin is cheating on you with Paolo Ferro??“   
„I really don^t know what^s so funny about that!“ Si blurts.  
„ Let me tell you something about Paolo Ferro, my dear Charlie. His real name is Paul Fern and he isn’t a model. He^s a porn star!“  
„And you think that makes it funnier, yeah? A porn star! Jesus!“ Simon seems to shrink in my arms.  
„A gay porn star. A bloody gay porn star, Simon! And whatever Yas does with him, I assure you that there^s no sex involved, unless she secretly has grown a dick. »   
« What ? » he stares at Rog, totally blank . « what ? »  
« A dick. Penis, cock, member, prick...er…noodle, pecker.. »  
« What ? »  
« Simon John Charles LeBon. Paolo Ferro alias Paul Fern is definetly NOT fucking your beautiful wife, ok ? Paul is the one to be fucked, so if Yasmin hasn^t grown a cock…“   
„Are you sure?“ The singer still doesn’t get it, neither do I.   
„Do you want to see some movies, Simon ? » Roger grins.  
« Er..thanks, but no , thanks… I…but what the hell are they doing then and why is she lying ? »  
« Well, that is something you have to ask Yasmin, I guess. » he chuckles.  
« Where the hell do you know a gay porn star from ? You said you don^t watch porn!“ Well, now it’s me who^s upset here. Has he lied to me about that ?  
No, not Roger…there^s no need to lie about that, but still…

« That^s a long story » he smiles, well knowing what I am thinking.  
« Oh, go ahead, Roger, I^m listening!“ This comes out quite sharp, but there^s nothing I can do about it.  
„Ok. Yeah. I will tell you both. Give John a call, Nick. They are waiting for us. Let them know we^re not coming back.“  
Only a few minutes later we sit in a small cafe near the studio.  
„Hm, where to start? You won’t believe it, Simon, but that I have met Paul is actually your fault. » here it is again, that mischivieous grin.  
« You are talking in riddles, Rog » Charlie shrugs.  
„ Before that article came out, you remember, November^99, about me and Damian, only a very few people knew where I lived…and with whom. There was a gay couple, friends of Damian, and one of them was…and still is, I guess, a very big fan of Paolo Ferro. He knew a lot of trivia about him and he didn^t hesitate to tell me that Paul is a Duranie. No joke ! And right after their first visit , right after they have found out that their old friend Damian is living with the long lost Roger Taylor of Duran Duran, they mailed Paul. Paolo. And now guess who has always been the fav Duran member of a bloody gay porn star ? Taaadaa, me ! He wrote me a letter and I tell you, Charlie, if you would have been near, I would have killed you ! This man is obsessed with cocks, and due to your fabulous two hands-quote…thanks again for that, thank you very much… he was obsessed with MY cock in particular. I ignored that letter, then I got mails. I ignored them, then I got phone calls. I was annoyed, Damian was mad at me…he should have been mad at his so called friends, if you ask me…“  
It starts as a quiet rumble in Charlie^s chest and he tries to hold it back but it doesn^t work. A second later he^s howling with laughter, and I couldn^t help but join in.  
Roger waits patiently until we have calmed down.  
„Did he…“ Simon gasps *Did he ask for dickpics?? God, i^m dying! I^m dying!“  
„No, Simon, he didn^t ask for pics. He asked for my dick. In his ass, down to my balls.“ Rog says, matter-of-factly.  
„I^m sorry! I^m sorry! If i would have known that a harmless little joke causes so much trouble… » he just can^t stop laughing and I think big part of it is because he^s all relieved that Yasmin isn^t cheating on him.  
« So you met Paolo Ferro for what exatly ? » I smirk and can’t stop chuckling myself.  
« I met Paul Fern to tell him to stop his bloody stalking. And you know what? He was sweet. He was really sweet. First he was all shocked, though, he would never have thought that I^d really show up. Then he was embarrassed and he apologized about a million times and then we talked for hours. Paolo Ferro perhaps has thousands of fans, but Paul Fern is a very lonely person. Who wants to have a serious relationship with a porn star ? Plus the constant fear of AIDS and other deseases. He only bottoms in those movies, and the porn business is hard and merciless. So he had to do bareback gang bangs ans such, and even for someone who really likes his job and who calls himself a dick obsessed sex maniac the fear of getting infected is too much to bear. Last thing i heard is that he quit. Good for him if you ask me. I should text him to ask if it^s true.“  
„ROGER!“ Si blurts. „ Fucking hell! You have his number? Ask him why he meets up with my wife ! »  
« I really think you should ask Yas… »  
« Roger, please ! I have to know what^s going on! Ask him! Ask him NOW!“

„Ack, ok. Because it^s you. But first , Mister LeBon…I wasn^t out of time ! Admit it ! » he grins.  
« Roooo-geeeeeer ! »  
« Siiiiii-moooooon »  
« Yeah,you^re right, I was an idiot and you were perfectly in time…could you please call this hopefully still cock obsessed manic now ? »  
Roger leaves the room to make this call in private and the knowledge that he^s talking to a porn star, a porn star who wanted him to fuck him, was really really weird. I have never been a jealous person, really not, but what I feel is quite close to jealousy. I know that makes no sense, though.  
« And ? What did he say ? » Si is all hyper when Rog comes back in, grinning broadly.  
„Be patient. 15 minutes! More coffee, anyone? They will be here soon.“ „You have invited Paolo Ferro to meet up with us?“ I can^t believe it.  
« No, Nicky, I have invited Paul Fern to meet up with us here…and Yasmin LeBon. Call me a fucking genius!“ he kisses me heartily . „Come on, Nicky! You^re not jealous or something, are you ? »  
« Of course not » I mutter and Charlie laughs out loud. »You are such a liar , Nicholas ! »


	25. Nice ( there is nothing better than be with you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes a short seperation is a good thing

When the door flings open and Yasmin comes in with Paolo…Paul… the model is by Simon^s side in no time.  
„Simon John Charles LeBon! You beloved crazy idiot!“ she cups his face with her hands and kisses him heartily.   
« I should rather slap you hard, man !“ Yassie laughs as they part. « For thinking that I^d cheat on you ! »

« I assure you she’s not cheating…not with me , at least. » Paul winks. « Hi, I^m Paul. Sorry that I have caused so much trouble!“ he shakes hands with the singer and turns to me, blushing slightly.  
„A pleasure to meet you, Mister Rhodes. »  
« Nick »I smile. He doesn^t look like a porn star.I don^t know what i have exspected, but surely not someone like this man. He wears a well fitting expensive suit, Armani, I guess, has a friendly attractive face, a warm voice and very good manners.  
« I still don^t get why you had to meet secretly » Simon mutters.  
« Because, Charlie, face it, you can^t keep a secret ! If I would have told you that I^m helping a former gay pornstar into the model business, you would have laughed your ass off, right ? You would have told everyone.I wanted to make sure that Paul has some jobs done before anyone would find out that he^s Paolo Ferro. Once he^s in the business, his former life doesn^t matter. I went to the first shootings with him, for support.“ Yasmin explains.“And for the phone calls at night…“  
„My fault!“ Paul interupts. „I…I was scared, I needed a friend.You know, in the porn business I was well known and often booked, I knew what people wanted…in the fashion world I^m a bloody newbie, and without Yassie…I would have been lost.“  
„Yeah, ok“ Simon nods „ That makes sense. One last question, though. How did you meet my wife ? »  
« At Heaven^s…a gay club here in London, she was there with Naomi. We all were a little squiffy and…er…Naomi said that she hasn^t any problems with gay sex…“  
„ Goodness“ Roger sighs. „ Let me guess:She told you about a certain christmas party, huh ? »  
« She did, to be honest » he chuckles. « she was only complaining that it was a bit too dark. So next time be kind and switch the light on.“

London, March 2002  
As good as the work on the album has started, as bad is it now. The record company isn^t happy with the new material and tries to force us into a direction WE are not happy with.  
They want a more *80^s like*-album, but none of us wants to stay in the past.   
There is no other way than to cancel the contract with the company, and we have to pay a lot of money for that.  
On top of it Sterling gives an interview to music maker, calling Roger a substandard drummer.  
My man stays all calm about it, but Charlie and I freak out completely.  
After all I have thought that Sterling is a friend, and I take it as a personal affont. So does Simon, and we decide to visit our former drummer.  
The thing is that we have to fly to New York. For the first time in ages i lie to Roger, knowing quite well that he doesn^t want any drama. In his opinion Sterling is still mad about the reunion, which he understands.  
But as I said, I take it personal and I can’t leave it at that.  
We tell him we would go to the States to find a new record company.  
I^m feeling bad about that shameless lie, but my temper takes over here, matching very well with Simon^s at that point.  
It^s not because I love Roger, I would do the same for Andy. At least I persuade that to myself.  
It doesn^t help much that Rog drives us to the airport and almost kisses me senseless before we have to go for the security.  
« We are doing the right thing, Nicholas ! » Simon assures me when we sit in the plane.  
Much to our surprise Sterling breaks out in laughter as he opens the door.  
« There you are ! Well, he was obviously right! Come in! You should check your mobile, Nick.“ he grins.  
All puzzled I find a message from Roger.  
*You^re such an idiot, Nick! And a very bad liar, by the way. Say hi to Sterling. Too bad you will be away for two weeks. I think I have to help myself with the little present you gave me, since I have to sleep alone *

Oh well…

Our former drummer tells us that Rog has called him and sent some sound files from the astronaut sessions to prove he^s definitetly not substandard and that he, Sterling, has already said sorry for that interview.  
„I apologize to you guys, Roger got it right, I was still pissed about being thrown out. I mean, hey, I was longer in the band than he was, huh? He^s one cool dude, though. Despite their reputation drummers are very intelligent, I tell you, don^t mess up with a drummer!“ he grins.

Goodness, I feel so ashamed!   
Speaking of the intelligence of drummers, Sterling has contacted some record companies for us, so the trip isn^t all for nothing and we^ll have some appointments in the next days.  
I call Roger when we are back in the hotel around midnight.   
„Nicky?“ his sleepy voice sounds too far away. Yeah, I^m an idiot. I could lie beside him now, stupid me!  
„I^m sorry.“ I say quietly.  
« For waking me up at five ? » he chuckles,  
Ack ! Time zones ! Again, stupid me !  
« Roger, really, I^m such an idiot!“  
„Yes, you are! You don^t have to fight for my honour, luv.“  
« No one calls my love *substandard*, that^s just… »  
« Nicky » he interupts « I^m all mature, I can speak for myself, yeah ?“  
„I know, luv.Again, I^m sorry.“  
„You should be. Leaving me for two weeks for nothing, Nick, that^s utterly frustrating! Lying to me and such…idiot!“¨  
„Not the smartest thing I ever have done, I admit.“ I sigh and Simon laughs at that   
„I say sorry, too, smart ass!“ he shouts into the phone.  
« You two are sharing a room, heh ? So…no vodka, Nicky, you do funny things when you drink vodka in hotel rooms with band mates » I can literally feel his naughty little grin.  
« Only with drummers. We have single beds, though » I smile.  
„I already miss you, idiot“ Roger whispers and I wish I would have talked to him about that trip.  
Another prove that lies are making things worse.

For Charlie and me the trip is something very good, though. We talk much and realize that we haven^t done this for quite a while, talking as friends, not as bandmates.  
The next evening , after three meetings with record companies, we end in the hotel bar and Simon smiles broadly when I order vodka orange.  
„Do I have to be scared now?“ he winks  
„You hear everything, huh?“ I laugh.   
„It^s still…weird“ he shrugs.  
„What?“  
„You and Rog…it^s still weird.“  
Now I^m surprised. The open-minded Simon has a problem with us being a couple? I would never have guessed that!  
„Weird?“I wonder. „What do you mean, weird?“  
„Actually your little love affair has ruined Duran Duran once, don^t let it happen again, Nicholas ! »  
Ok, looks like we have to do some coping with the past here.  
« It^s long ago, Simon. Other times, other manners. »  
« I understand that, Nick. Still, it has ruined Duran, hasn^t it?If I would have known what^s the reason for Roger^s leaving…I think I would probably have killed you.This one time you should have thought about the band, not of your own carnal needs.“  
I force myself to stay calm, since his temper is taking over here and his words are coming out quite sharp.  
Well, he isn^t that wrong.   
„Charlie…it was a bit more than that, than carnal needs.“  
„You should have told me, you know?“ he snaps.  
« I told no one, Si. Not even Nigel.I didn^t want to be gay, Simon. I wanted to be *normal*. I have betrayed myself. If I couldn^t be honest to myself about my feelings, how could I have talked to someone about them?“  
« You have told Yas. »  
« Yes, I was drunk, it was Roger^s wedding, she was there.Without her…I don^t know if I would have survived that day, Charlie, honestly.“  
„If you would have known that I had invited Roger to the party,^99, would you have been there?“  
„No.“ I admit. „See, it^s good that you didn^t know. It^s good that you haven^t told Yasmin.Without you and your party, Charlie, who knows…“  
He grins broadly, obviously happy about his role in our private reunion and I notice that he^s simply a bit jealous, that his big ego has problems with the fact that there^s something he didn^t know about me for so many years.  
„I couldn^t believe it, when I read this article about Rog and that psycho…well, I have to say that I actually didn^t think about Damian as a psycho at this party…I liked him.“ he says.  
„I liked him, too. Odd, huh?“  
„What exactly did happen that you two were celebrating new year^s eve together?“  
„Roger has called him Nick. He has called Damian Nick When they had sex. I deserved it that he knocked me out, I tell you….so, Roger wasn^t over me as much as I wasn^t over him, and he gave me a call.. Thank god he did, because, I ran away yet again…from the party, when I saw them kissing.“  
„Uh, yeah, he uses to call your name quite a lot when you have sex“ Charlie giggles « Which is only hot when you actually ARE Nick, I guess. »  
He hugs me heartily and we get very drunk together.

 

We come back with a contract to be signed and a deepened friendship. So, after all, it isn^t that bad that Simon and I have such a temper.  
Yas, Roger and Bonsai are waiting behind the barricade when we step out of the terminal.  
It^s the usual chaos at home. James, Tatji and Julian are playing that card game, phase 10, with Peter and Kev in the kitchen, Ellea and Saffron in the living room, watching some teen drama,and Gladys, the lady we^ve met at the Seychelles, comes out of the bathroom. She became our housekeeper right after that vacation, as she loves our family from the first moment on.Beeing a widow with no kids, she^s all happy to be around all those children and I think she has a little crush on Roger.  
Elliot has fallen asleep in my arms and I bring him to bed before I greet everyone.  
We have a late dinner with all the guests, kids, a beaming Gladys and the LeBon-couple, who leaves afterwards. Saffy stays over night, as it^s saturday  
Kev and Peter are staying , too, so is Julian, which is still somehow weird for me.  
„Lock the door, will you?“ I whisper when we are in the bedroom finally.   
„As much as I love Bonsai, I don^t want to have him in our bed tonight »  
« Having plans, you arrogant assfucker peacock ? » Roger smiles as he turns the key.  
« Skip *arrogant* and *peacock*, that leaves the plan « I smirk, pulling him close.  
« Ah, you know, I don^t think I^m in the mood for that. You lied to me. You left me for two weeks,I feel betrayed, Mister Rhodes ! » Despite his words, he kisses me deeply.  
It feels so good to hold him,he tastes so good and I get hard the moment his tender tongue explores my mouth.  
„I apologize again, luv. What do you want me to do to prove I^m sorry ? »I look him deep in the eyes, feeling ashamed yet again.  
He chuckles quietly and starts to unbutton my shirt. »To be honest, Nicky, all I want is to have you deep inside of me. I have missed that. »  
« I thought you had the dildo as surrogate ? » I grin.  
« There^s nothing better than the real thing » He bends to kiss my now exposed nipples and I have to moan loudly. My hands grab his hair and I press my hips against his, happy to feel that he^s as hard as I am.  
I think that is the best night we ever had since Japan.  
Maybe it isn’t that bad to be away for a while.


	26. What are the chances?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stand up for your rights

London, April 2002  
Paul…Elliot^s friend , not the porn star…is in hospital after a severe attack of asthma and his brother Liam has dinner with us.  
Bonsai is still shocked, he has witnessed his friend getting all blue , desperatly longing for air, he has seen him literally scared to death.  
Someone had nicked Paul^s asthma spray, what made the attack worse, of course, and Elliot is torn between anger and fear.  
„I will find out who it was! Lisa and I will beat him!“ he yells before he starts to sob heartbreakingly. „ Liam…he…will he die?“  
„Naaah, Ell! He^ll be fine.“ The teenage boy pulls the crying little man close and it^s hard to tell who^s holding whom here.  
„How stupid do you have to be to steal asthma spray?“ Tatji blurts. „I really hope they^ll find out who did that!“  
„Do me a favour and leave it to the kindergarten teachers, yeah?“ Roger kisses his youngest` head. „No violence, promise me, Elliot Dante Taylor!“  
« But that idiot deserves it! » Bonsai whines.  
I secretly agree with him.  
The teachers have told everyone how important this inhaler is for Paul. Even four-or five- year- olds are smart enough to understand this, aren^t they ?  
Liam and I change a look, obviously having the same thought at that.  
Only minutes later the phone rings and it^s one of Ellea^s teachers.  
„Is Ellea^s dad around?“ she asks and I^m all alarmed by her tone.  
I give the phone to Rog, he listens a few minutes and his face confirmes my bad feelings.  
Pale like a ghost he ends the call.  
« Have to drive to the school.Ellea was involved in a punch-up. » He^s allready in the hallway, grabbing the car keys from the commode.  
Ellea Giovanna Taylor? No way!  
„What happened?“ I ask.  
„If I got it right, she had an awful row with two boys in her class. Miss Benson didn^t want to tell me about what.“  
We both are quite sure about the subject, though, I see it in his eyes and his thoughts are surely mirrored in mine.  
„I come with you“ I say quietly.  
« Yes please. The parents of the boys will be there, too. Go, tell Gladys »  
We are on our way in no time.  
„It^s a safe bet, huh?“ Roger blurts. « Someone has called us perverts, fucking faggots or something like that again ! »  
« Most likely » I nod.  
„Elliot was right…some people just deserve a punch in the face“  
« Ah, no violence, Roger Andrew Taylor, promise me ! » Despite the situation we have to smile at each other and when we have reached the school building, we walk in hand in hand.  
Ellea is in the headmaster^s office, so are the two boys and their parents,and I can hardly stifle a grin when I notice that both of them have bloody noses.  
Yeah, I know, Violence is never right, blah blah, but I admit that I^m proud of this tiny little girl somehow.  
IF she fought for the reason we think she did.  
„There are my parents!“ she beams when we walk in and is on her feet in a split second to hug us both. A handprint can be clearly seen on her left cheek, red and blue.  
„You can’t have two dads!“ it^s a woman who says that, and if looks could kill, we would all be dead by now.  
„I have!“ Ellea fires back. « The best dads ever ! »  
Miss Benson is there, I remember her from the party almost 2 years ago, and she smiles warmly at us. „ Mr Taylor, Mr Rhodes, have a seat. I^m glad that you both could make it here. I already have told the Wilsons and the Carters that the behaviour of their sons will have consequences. We don^t tolerate discrimination and violence at this school.“  
« Look at our boys ! they are bleeding!“ one of the fathers yells.

„I was there, Mr Carter. Your son has insulted Ellea and slapped her. His best friend Jordan pushed her and she fell. All she did was defending herself. » We definetly have Miss Benson in our team, I^d say.  
The headmaster, Mr Clark, clears his throat. « Please, ladies and gentleman ! Fact is that Dan and Jordan started the fight, we have a whole class who says that. I^m the last person on earth who^s defending violence at any case, but the girl has been attacked by two stronger kids who wouldn^t have stopped to beat her. You should teach your sons some manners and some respect. As Miss Benson said, we don^t tolerate such things. »  
« You shouldn^t have perversion on your national curriculum ! » one of the moms blurts.  
Not hard to tell where the hate is coming from, huh ?  
« We have discussed family life, Mrs Wilson. Ellea has been so kind to tell us what it^s like to grow up in a quite unusual blended family with two dads, three siblings and a housekeeper named Gladys. I can’t find any perversion in here, madam.“ The teacher tries hard to keep her voice calm, but I can see the white of her knuckles, her hands clenched into fists.  
„You know what?“ Ellea says. « I think you two are envious. Go get a life, haters ! Can we go now, please? My other dad has to show me how to put on a proper make up , I don^t want to have Dan^s fingers showing in my face ! »  
Both, Miss Benson and Mister Clark, can hardly stifle a grin. Roger and I don^t even try to hide it.  
« You arrogant bum bandits ! Do you think that^s funny ? » Mr Wilson yells, his face red with anger.  
« Bum bandits ? How charming. » Roger chuckles and the man jumps up, shaking his fist. Rog doesn^t flinch a single bit.  
« Careful, sir. » he says quietly. « Punch me and I you^ll get a bloody nose just like your son. Ellea, Nicky, let^s go. I think the boys are punished enough with such parents »  
With that we simply walk out of the office, Ellea in the middle, and we don^t say a word until we have reached the car.  
« What the fuck ! » Roger blurts and we all break out in hysterical laughter.  
„ Bum bandits! I love that. I think i will have that printed on a shirt. Come here, Ellea Giovanna, my heroine!“ he lifts her up and kisses her heartily. „Are you ok? How did that happen?“  
„Dan has called you cocksuckers and I said, yeah, probably, so is your mom, and baaam…“ she shrugs and I almost die laughing.  
„Nicky! That^s not funny! You can^t call his mom a cocksucker, Ellea!“  
« He said it first. So what?“ Well, she^s right, isn^t she?  
„Oh please, Nick! Stop laughing! Ellea, that^s…“  
„ Listen, dad“ she interupts „I^m not stupid. I know what you are doing when the bedroom door is locked. I^m not deaf either, by the way.Saffron told me that she has caught her parents, so women are doing it, too. What are the chances that Dan’s mom does it, huh?“  
„If not, I completely understand that Mister Wilson is very very frustrated“ I chuckle.  
„You two are terrible!“ Roger sighs. »Honestly, can we be serious for a moment ? I^m sorry, darling. I wish I could do something, I wish i could…I don^t know, change people, whatever… »  
« Daddy, it^s ok, really. Tatji, Jay and I…we have talked much. We know that there always will be people who don^t like gays, who don^t like you, who think that you are not normal. But you know what? We don^t care! We love you and we don^t want it any other way! And if that means that I have to punch some idiots in the face, I^m all happy to do it. C^mon, you bum bandits, group hug“  
Roger has tears in his eyes when we hold each other.

 

Home again we are happy to hear that Paul is no longer in hospital.  
Everyone is eager to hear Ellea^s story. Gladys and Bonsai are out for the grocery store , so she doesn^t have to mind her words. James and Tatji laugh their asses off about the *cocksucker* and * bum bandit*-parts, but Roger is extremly quiet. He mumbles something about having a headache and goes to bed before six in the evening.  
I show Ellea how to cover the hand marks on her cheek and we prepare dinner together.  
Afterwards I check on Roger, but he^s sleeping.  
At ten everyone is in bed and Gladys has to take the bus home. Usually Rog drives her.  
I hope he^s not getting sick.  
For the first time in ages I spend the evening watching telly and it^s when the late news at midnight are over he comes into the living room. That smile he gives me makes my heart jolt.  
„Feeling better?“ I pull him close, very much aware that he^s almost naked, wearing nothing but boxers.  
„Oh yes! Thanks for letting my sleep.“ Roger^s gaze is so full of love, so…I don^t know…deep, that I have to touch his face and he leans his cheek against my palm, closing his eyes. „I love you“ he says quietly.  
Our lips meet and he sighs into my mouth.  
« What is it, luv ? » I ask, feeling that he^s mulling over something.  
„I want to sue the Carters and Wilsons for libel, Nicky. I don^t wanna be quiet any more.Those people have to learn that it^s not ok, that their behaviour will have consequences.I want to fight. You know what has shocked me the most today? That even I make a difference between hetero and gay. Remember when you have caught James watching gay porn. I said I have talked with him about sex a lot, which is true, but we never talked about gay sex. Not even when Damian moved in. And Ellea was right, huh? Why is it ok to call us cocksuckers and I^m telling her that she can^t do the same with someone^s mom? I am teaching my own kids that there^s a difference! How sad is that? Why is it that i have no problems to tell my son every little detail about sex between man and woman, but just the thought of talking about anal sex gives me literally a headache? That^s hypocritical, isn^t it?“  
„I don^t think it^s hypocritical, Roger. Kids don^t want to know any details about thair parent^s sex life, no matter if man and woman, man and man or woman and woman.“  
„But they are talking about it, Nicky, and they should know what they are talking about. They shouldn^t watch porn movies to find out.“  
„Hmhm“ I nod.“You^re right.So, what do you want to do? What do you think WE should do?“  
„Encouraging them to ask questions and giving honest answers. What about the Wilsons and the Carters ? Are you with me at that point ? »

« Absolutely ! » 

 

We celebrate Roger^s birthday at his parent^s, family only, including my mom and dad, of course, and when Bonsai is in bed, we tell them that we will take the matter to court.  
„There will probably be a lot of press around and such, so we have to know if it’s ok for you all.“ Roger explains.  
Everyone thinks it^s a good plan, they are all with us here, what makes me extremely happy.  
Later, in bed, he snuggles up to me, kissing me deeply.  
„I have mailed to the goverment, Nicky. Did you know that there are two bills to introduce for gay rights? One about a civil partnership for same sex couples, one about adoption. I would like to bring that into public. I know, it’s probably a long way to go, but…we could use our popularity, don^t you think ? »  
I can^t find words for what I^m feeling. Roger, the quiet no-drama all calm person turns into a warrior, a fighter for gay rights ! It makes me proud and I^m overflowing with love. He^s so utterly wonderful!

„Yes, Roger, we could and we will! I love you, darling. I love you so much!“ We kiss again, holding us. We both are feeling that something big is going to happen and we will be part of it.  
„Anthony price, of course.“ he whispers against my neck.  
« Huh ? »  
« Once the first bill is through, I will marry you. In Anthony Price. Unless it takes so long that I^ll be old and grey…blue just doesn^t match with grey.“


	27. Want you more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just an all day sunday morning and a little flash back

London, May 2002  
Sunday morning. The smell of coffee. Giggles from behind the bedroom door. There^s no need to get up yet, John and Gela are here and so is Gladys.  
I reach behind me, finding the curve of Roger^s perfect ass and he purrs into my ear immediately. I love that sound, oh yes!  
It has become some sort of a morning ritual whenever we have the time. Sometimes it turns into sex, but mostly it^s simply about touching each other, being close to each other.  
Today he catches my earlobe with his teeth and I know it^s gonna be wild.  
Rolling him over I sit on top of him, grinning broadly.  
„Good morning, you handsome bum bandit!“  
„Good morning yourself, cocksucker!“  
„Is that a wish,Roger?“  
„Hmmm…later. My turn first, I want to planet earth you“ with that, he graps my hips and pulls me towards his wonderful mouth.  
I don^t think I will ever get enough of that, of the warm, wonderful wetness, of his sedulous tongue and the beautiful yet hot to death look into his wide open bedroom eyes. The latter almost kills me every time.  
We both love to play around with cum, love what the other one tastes like. I guess that^s not to be taken for granted.  
I grab his hair, literally fucking his mouth and even as his eyes start to tear he doesn’t close them, what is utterly sexy in a slightly perverted way.  
It doesn^t take very long and I shoot my load in his throad. Now it^s Roger^s hand in my hair and he pulls me into a kiss, letting me taste myself in his mouth.  
We are still kissing, me on top of him, when the door flings open and Bonsai storms in.  
„Breakfast is ready!“ he announces, jumping into the bed.  
„Coming down to land the hard way“ Roger chuckles and I collapse onto him, howling with laughter. Well, at least that covers his erection and will probably safe us from another penis-conversation.  
The door is still wide open and now Nigel stands in the doorway.  
„Elliot! I have told you not to wake them up. Come out!“  
« But they are not sleeping, Johnny ! » the boy grins and we have yet another laughing fit.  
« Obviously ! Sorry, mates, I couldn^t stop him ! » John giggles.  
« Bonsai, can we at least get dressed first, yeah ? » Rog ruffles his hair.  
« ^key ! » Elliot makes no move to leave, so John comes in to pick him up, closing the door behind them.  
„ I haven^t meant it like that when I said *later*“ Roger whines „Goodness,I need a cold shower. Note to myself: Never forget to lock the door.“

The kitchen is pretty packed as we walk in, filled with laughter and music.  
Tatji and Ellea are dancing to Bob Marley^s no woman no cry, singing happily along.  
Gladys is busy preparing pancakes, swinging her hips, Gela and James are discussing something and JT, with Bonsai on his lab, is reading the newspaper.  
„Hey! Greta has called.“ Jay smiles. « She wanted to know if we will attend the pride parade in Brighton. And there was another call about that …a Milo from the stonewall community.“  
„Stonewall? I thought it^s in the US.“ Nigel looks up.  
„It^s also the largest LGBT organisation in the UK. Ian Mckellen is one of the founders.“ I explain.  
We have told our bandmates that we want to use our *popstar status* to fight for gay rights and they are supporting us wherever they can.  
Rog has been quite busy during the last few weeks, calling organisations and every gay and lesbian we know. We have a lot of people on board by now to promote those two bills.  
« Oh, guess who has called the other day! Boy George. Half of the 80^s scene is gay, I tell you!“ My man flings his arms around me, kissing my neck. Since he has decided to be more open to the kids, he^s very flirty and I have to say that I like that very much.  
„Be careful with George, he always had a crush on drummers“ I chuckle.  
„I know. I have spent a night with him in ^82.“ He grins.  
„You have spent a night with Boy George? Please not!“ I blurt and everyone laughs.  
„Talking, Nicky! Not that I don^t like men wearing make up, though! It was pretty weird…“

London, December 1982  
(Roger^s POV)  
He looks sad. Maybe he^s just drunk. It^s quite a surprise to see him in here, in this very traditional english pub.  
At first I want to ignore him. I have left the after show party because i can’t stand being near to Nick, and here sits Boy George, his whole appearance screaming *Yo ! I^m so utterly gay*.  
But…well, he looks sad and alone.  
„Hey George! Want some company?“  
* „Come over, Roger, I need some company“*  
Ack ! Get out of my head, Nicky !  
« Oh ! Rog ! What the hell are you doing here?“ he smiles, but even his smile looks sad.  
„Not in the mood for a party.“ I shrug, sitting beside him.  
„Yeah, me neither.Go get you a glass, share the wine with me.“ He points at the bottle on the table.  
« Cool. Thank you »  
I admire him somehow, for being so open, for not giving a shit.  
„It was the second show at the Odeon for you, right?“ he asks as we have clinged glasses.  
„Yep.“ I nod.  
„You should be proud.I don^t think that Culture Club will ever make it there. At the moment I think that Culture Club is history, to be honest.“ He empties his glass in one gulp.  
« Why so ? I heard things are going well, you have a record company and all… »  
„It^s more about personal reasons.“ George sighs. „ Can I…can you keep a secret, Rog? »  
« Sure. »  
« I^m in love with Jon. »  
I almost have to laugh. Jon Moss, the drummer, of course.Har har.  
„Oh. Unrequited, I guess?“ I have to force myself to look him into the eyes, afraid that he would sense it somehow with some sort of gay radar or whatever.  
„He^s all fine with the sex part, but if you^d ask him, he would fiercely deny it. When I^m with him, when we are alone, I^m all happy, but it kills me to pretend we are only friends, only bandmates as soon as we are in the public. I don’t think I can stand it much longer. Ah…sorry.I^m sorry. ..you don^t want to hear about gay drama, I bet.“  
*It^s more that I have enough gay drama myself, George*  
For a split second I want to tell him. But I can^t.  
« It^s ok, George. I^m listening. I^m here.“  
Fuck. I have to be a masochist or something. As if I, of all people I, could give some piece of good advice here.  
„You are cute, Rog. I always have thought you^re the nicest one out of Duran »  
« Ah, Georgie, you are just sayin that because I^m the drummer“ I wink and he giggles.  
„it^s closing time soon…would you…don^t get me wrong,please, but would you … » the singer stutters. « I don^t want to be alone.“

It^s funny, isn^t it? In a sick way.  
I^m in George^s hotel room now and we are getting pissed like rats.  
„He uses me, Jon. I have to end it. I know i have to end it. But I can^t. I love him.“ he sobs and I lie an arm around his shoulders.  
„Yeah, you should end it. You deserve more.“  
„Ack. Look at me, Rog. I^m a fucking fairy, huh ? A fucking faggot, hiding myself under tons of make up, pretending to be cool and self confident. Gay icon they call me, but I^m nothing but a coward. »  
« You are not, Georgie ! i think you are pretty brave ! »  
*Much braver than I am,  
at least. I^m the coward here. I wonder what Nick is doing right now?*  
„Brave? Me? That^s a joke!“ he chuckles.  
« No, really…I mean…not many people would admit that they are gay, right ? Everyone knows that George Michael is, Elton John, Freddie Mercury…but they are all denying it ! »

*I deny it. Nick denies it…*

„What about John?“ he grins.  
„What John?“  
„Taylor. John Taylor. The John with an *h*. He^s very close to Nick, isn’t he? Are they…?“  
Holy shit, I can^t stop laughing about that.  
I laugh so hard I cry. But then, I think I^m just hiding my tears under laughter.  
We fall asleep on the sofa and I^m quite puzzled the next morning. The monster headache doesn^t help either.  
„Thank you“ George says quietly as I^m ready to leave. « Thanks for listening and all. At least one drummer cares for me.“  
„End it, Georgie. It will kill you!“  
We hug each other hearily.  
I feel like a consummate hypocrite.

 

London, May 2002  
„What happened to George and Jon?“ Ellea wants to know when Rog has finished his story.  
« Georgie ended it, about a year later, Jon got married and he still is with his wife. He^s single right now, George.“ her dad says.  
„So no happy ending for those two. That^s sad.“ Tatji pours us some more coffee.  
« i thought so, too, you know…that Nick and you are a couple.“ Gela giggles. « In the 80^s, at least. »  
« Please ! » JT snorts.  
« What, Nigel ? You don^t love me ? I^m deeply insulted ! » I pout.  
« Oh, I love you very much, Mister Bates.“ He chuckles. „but when it comes to sex, it^s up to the other Taylor ! »  
« Andy ? » Roger suggests, grinning broadly.  
„Andy my arse!“ I slap his head.  
« Uh…Andy and your arse in one sentence, that is giving me some really weird images, goodness ! » he shudders.  
« Ack !Roger ! You^re such a pervert ! » I have him over my lab for a playful spanking in no time and we all laugh until we cry.

Roger and I are cleaning the kitchen after breakfast, Gladys is down in the cellar to do the laundry and the others are in the living room.  
„I never knew that you are so close with Boy George.“ I say, hugging him from behind.  
« I^m not. It was pure coincidence. He just needed someone to talk to and i was there. »  
„You are too good for this world, luv!“  
„Ah..I think i’m a pervert?“ he grins, nuzzling at my neck.  
„That^s too good for this world also. Talking about that…fancy to have a shower with me? I owe you something, if I remember right. »  
Without a word he takes my hand to lead me into the bathroom.  
« We are in the shower. » he shouts.  
„Lock the door, huh?“ Nigel responds and the laughter is muffled by a door falling close as we have stepped in.  
I^m on my knees as soon as he has turned the key.  
« Ah ! Take it slow, Nicky » Roger gasps.  
„I can^t. I want to taste you! Had to wait too long ! »  
Jeez, i love to suck him ! I love to lick his balls, to feel his cock pulsing, i love the way he shudders under my touch…i just wish I would be able to deep throat him, to have him in my mouth to the balls, but i can^t overcome the gag reflex, as hard as i try.  
Another utterly debauched fetish of mine is that i like to watch how he comes, to watch closely when he spurts. Maybe i^m the pervert here. I think we both are enjoying that we don^t have to practice safer sex, that we don^t have to be careful.  
This time i want to swallow every drop he has to give, because i indeed have to taste him now.  
He bites his forearm when he comes to prevent himself from screaming out loud.  
Having everyone knowing what we are doing in here is one thing, having them all hearing it is another, huh ?

We wash each other tenderly under the shower, smiling and kissing all the time.  
„Elliot has one hell of a timing, hasn^t he ? » I chuckle.  
« Fuck, yeah ! Being honest about our sexual life has it^s limits, especially when it comes to Bonsai ! It could have been worse, though, a few minutes earlier and i^d have to explain a five year-old why I had your cock in my mouth…ack ! »  
« That^s easy…you tried to fix my broken penis.«  
« i have been successfull, i see!“ Roger laughs, wrapping his hand around my erection.  
Oh well, sharing a shower is not necessarily saving water.

Since it^s a very sunny day, we go for a stroll in St. James park all together, having a picnic lunch in the meadow.  
James and Tatji are leaving for Barnes to meet up with Julian. Their band still exists.  
„We are looking for a house. We really need a home in England » Nigel says.  
„Are you planning to move over?“ i wonder.  
« No, i^m thinking about having two homes, actually .An old manor or something would be fab, somewhere in the countryside.Keep your eyes open, will you ? »  
„Next time you have to bring Atlanta! I^m so curious, i have to meet her!“ Ellea beams.  
„Oh yes please! I have never seen her in person, that^s a shame!“ Roger agrees.  
„Hey, why don^t you all come over in summer? We have one big house, with pool and all, space for everyone! You haven^t visited us for ages, Nick!“ Gela elbows me.  
„Where^s your home?“ Bonsai wonders.  
„In Los Angeles, Elliot.“ John smiles.  
„Er…where^s Los Angeles?“  
„USA, sweetie“ Roger answers.  
„Oooh! Can we go ? Please, daddy, i wanna go! Nickyyyy…puh-leeese!“  
„Do you really want to have us? You know, we are pure chaos!“ My man grins.  
« i think we can handle this. You may be happy to hear that we have 4 bothrooms, eh?“ Nigel smirks.  
Next family vacation is fixed, I^d say.


	28. Wild boys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A very special birthday party

London, June 7th, 2002.

„Did you know that 19,2 percent of all men between 40 and 50 are struggling with erectile dysfunction?“ James grins devilishly as he looks up from the paper he^s reading. Tatjana tries to stifle a giggle.  
« Thank you so much for telling me, James. » I snort.  
It’s another sunny weekend in the UK, Saturday. Roger, Bonsai, Gladys and Ellea are on a shopping tour for my birthday and i^m alone with the two eldest kids.  
« Healthy food helps to prevent that ! » Tatji pats my shoulder, pointing at the bowl of fruit salad I have for breakfast.  
« You two are knowing quite well that I^m panicking about getting older, why do you have to torture me? « I sigh, rolling my eyes.  
« Sorry ! » Jay laughs «I take it back, ok ? None of you seems to have problems with that, according to the daily number of locked doors in this flat.“  
„And the noises, let^s not forget about the noises!“ my daughter chuckles.  
« The noisy one isn’t me ! » I say, matter of factly. « But hey, honestly…does it annoy you or something ? »  
« Nah. » James answers. „You are in love, you have sex. Pretty normal, huh? I have a question, though. Do you remember when you have caught me watching gay porn ? »  
« How could I ever forget that ? » i roll my eyes yet again.  
« Seriously, Jay ? You have watched gay porn ? Why the hell did you do that ? » Tatji shouts out.  
„Because I didn^t believe that men have anal sex“ he shrugs.  
„Well, what other options do they have, huh?“ she grins.  
„You are very charming, Tatjana Lee Orchid!“ I have to laugh. « Anyway, Jay, what^s the question ? »  
« I have talked to Raffy about that…it was a bit easier than talking to you or dad. He said that he and Martin…well,that they switch. Not everyone does, hm ? »  
Fab ! Let^s be honest, he said, Roger.  
Now what ? Why is it always me who has to have those talks?  
« No, not everyone does » I say vaguely. Being honest at that point is definetly harder than I have thought. I wish Roger would be here.  
„Oh come on dad!You know what he^s asking, don^t you!“ Tatjana elbows me, surprised that I seem to be ashamed.  
„ Ok, yeah, I got it. No, James, we don^t .We don^t switch. Only once, so far.What doesn^t mean that we never will again, possibly maybe. It^s just…we both like it this way, so why should we change that?“  
„Why did you change it once?“ Dang, Tatjana !  
« Because.. i don^t know, actually. Maybe because I have been the first for Roger and I wanted Roger to be the first for me. And the only one. You know that I had others, right? I have always been the active one. I guess I wanted to share something with him what i never have shared with those others.“  
„So you took dad^s virginity and he took your^s!“ Jay smiles.  
„Yes, exactly“ I nod.  
« That^s kinda cute, if you ask me ! » he says, much to my surprise.

I come back from the cellar to find the flat empty.  
Roger has just sent me to bring wine for dinner and now everyone is gone. I know what that means…they have planned a surprise birthday party!  
Or maybe only the kids are gone and there^s a naked drummer waiting for me in the bedroom?  
Well, there is a drummer in the bedroom, not naked but ..wow!  
My jar drops at his sight. I wonder if it^s really THAT suit he^s wearing, the one from *Rio*, the bright blue matching so well with his eyes and his hair.  
„Good evening , Mister Rhodes“ he bows deeply. „Would you please get dressed very properly, the chauffeur will pick us up in an hour!“  
My beloved Armani evening suit lies on the bed, a champagne cooler on the nightstand.  
I^m speechless. For some reason my heart is racing. It^s one of those moments I realize that all those years of hiding and lying , of self torture and heartache are over. That he^s really here with me, that we have a life together. That he LOVES me.  
„Roger…“ I croak, overwhelmed with feelings, and he takes me in his arms, holding me close.  
„ My Nicky.“ he whispers.  
That^s just the beginning of an evening i won^t forget as long as I live.Of a night that changes my life.  
In the back of the limo we have another glass of champagne and I feel like a teen on his way to the very first school dance somehow, with the very first date and the first love.  
But then, he is, isn^t he? My first love. My only true love.

In November it will be 24 years that we first met in a smoke filled pub in downtown Birmingham, that Nicholas Bates and Nigel Taylor have been looking for a drummer.  
In 24 years from now I will be 64 and I have no doubt that this gorgeous man sitting next to me will still be by my side.  
I^m not hoping it, I fucking KNOW it.  
„Will you tell me where we^re going?“ I ask, squeezing his muscled thight.  
„The difference between a party and a surprise party is the * surprise*, Nicky.“ he winks.  
« Ah, so at least I know now that it^s a party!“  
„Of course it^s a party, you will be 40 at midnight!“  
„I^m pretty aware of that, luv, especially since your smart ass son has told me that almost 20 percent of all men over 40 are struggling with erectile dysfunction…we had an interesting talk this morning, by the way.“  
„I know, he told me. It^s still weird to talk about sex with the kids, but I think it^s the right way.“ Roger smiles at me. „ I don^t want to hide, Nicky. Never again.“

It’s the Dorchester in Mayfair where the limo stops. Roger guides me in, my arm hooked in his, and leads me to the legendary art deco ballroom.  
People applaude when we walked in. Many people.  
At first sight I spot the Taylor-clan, the whole band including Yas, Trace and Gela. Greta, Mia, Naomi, Maurice, Raphael and Martin…oh goodness, there^s Glen, master of the gay tortoises! Ray, Anne…  
My, they are all looking great in suits and evening robes. My mum is stunning in an emerald green dress matching her eyes and there^s…  
„Jules!“  
I^m utterly overwhelmed. Everyone is here today, from family to friends, neighbours, fellow musicians. Must be more than 200 people and I^m very busy to greet them all, never letting go of Roger^s hand as I do.  
There^s a stage with drumkit and keybords and right now Tatji is entering that stage, grabbing the mic. I almost cried at her sight. My little girl is so grown up!  
Roger lies an arm around my shoulder, smiling broadly, and Tatjana speaks:  
„Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks for following our invitation. There^s no party without music, so please welcome the incredible Noisy Youth with special guests. Only for tonight we have a drum team that actually needs 4 hands for his. Mr. Julian Smith and my very talented brother Elliot Bonsai Taylor ! »  
An all over beaming little man and my daughter^s boyfriend sit behind the drums, Bonsai on Julian^s lab.  
„Ooooon synthesizerrrr tonight, the wonderful, fantastic Ellea Giovanna Taylor,my sister from another mister! So the bass guitar has to be played by the one and only JT, Nigel John Taylor, who^s my dad^s brother from another mother! Which leaves , oooon guitar, my twin, my soulmate, my brother James Taylor!“

We all applaude frantically.  
„Yeah well…“ Tatjana continues. »As you may have noticed, there are a lot of Taylors around in this band. Exactly as many as in my home, so I^m pretty used to it. We want to start with a song to dance to, it^s also the frst single of some weird 80^s band and it^s called planet earth“  
„ That^s one great song, huh?“ I wink at Roger.  
„Oh yes! Always giving me ideas“ he grins back.  
„Much to my regret I think right now the idea behind is actually dancing…may I?“ We are the first on the dancefloor and it only takes seconds that it^s pretty packed.

„Look at Bonsai! He^s having a blast!“ Roger beams all over.  
„Just like his dad!And look at that gorgeous keyboerd player! You have very talented kids, good old Froggy Barnacle. »  
« Tatji sings like an angel, Nicky ! »  
„We are blessed, luv. We are really blessed!“  
He stops all of a sudden and I almost fall over my feet.  
„What?“ I wonder as he swallows visibly.  
„I have talked to Giovanna.“ He says quietly and here, on the dancefloor, surrounded by all those people, an icy hand runs down my spine.  
„Nicky…I …I know it^s way too early and maybe those bills will never get through, but…“  
The ice turns into fire when he drops down to one knee.

*What? What???*

The music stops and it^s so quiet now that I can hear the blood pounding in my ears.  
„Nicholas James Bates, if …ack…will you marry me? If it ever will be possible, will you marry me and will you adopt the kids ? I love you and I wa...“  
„Yes!“ I blurt. „Yes, I will!“  
In a split second we are in a massive group hug with four kids. The next minutes are somehow foggy and blurry, I hardly notice what^s going on around us. We both are kneeling on the floor now, foreheads leaned together, and then Roger cups my face with his rough hands, kissing me like there^s no tomorrow.  
Only when we sit on a sofa in the corner…no clue how we have made it there…i realize what just has happened.  
Everyone leaves us alone at this very moment, the moment I understand that I will spend my life with Roger Taylor, with the man who took my heart when I was 19. The man I^m in love with more than half of my entire existence.  
We can^t stop touching and kissing, smiling through tears, until a very well known cannon ball lands in my lab and three other kids are joining us. My family.  
We hug and cuddle yet again, no words needed.  
« Sorry to interupt » a female voice talks through the mic. « i think it^s about time that we^ll celebrate this properly,ladies and gentlemen ! Could there be any better way than music ?“  
It^s Yasmin, now joined by Simon , Ands and Nigel.  
„For the first time since Band Aid, July 1985, live on stage tonight; The fab five, ladies and gentlemen!“  
The applause is overwhelming as I take Roger^s hand and we enter the stage.  
„Hey Nicky!“ my man throws his Jacket to me and I catch it, passing it on to Yassie.  
Our kids in the front row start to chant « Wild boys wild boys wild boys ! » and then there^s the beat. His beat.

 

It^s almost sunrise when we take the lift up to the honeymoon suite. I^m high on adrenaline. What a birthday! We have played until midnight, more than 3 hours. It was like a rush.  
We all cried afterwards, Now the reunion is as official as our private one will be, once those bills are through. I have no doubt that this will happen in the next few years. Maybe even this birthday party will help to push it, Roger^s proposal, rather. Maurice has taken pictures and asked us if he’s allowed to write an article together with Louise from OK!  
Our families are all happy, especially our moms.  
This surprise birthday party had indeed many surprises to offer.  
One of them is that suite Roger has booked for two nights. We will lock ourselves away from the world for the next hours.

We don^t even make it to the bed once we have entered the suite, both of us buzzing with excitement. I want to make him mine, all mine and as soon as the door has fallen close behind us I slam him against it, kissing him greedily.This time Roger is obviously not willing to let me lead as he catches my lower lip with his teeth, biting it . And I mean biting it. Not playfully. It really hurts. I can^t move. His eyes are wide open and fixed at mine , filled with lust and craving and there is something very dark and evil in them now what turns me on to no end. I have always admired his bodily strengh and somehow this helplessness I^m in , the feeling of being at his mercy is incredibly randy.

Roger opens my pants, never letting go of my lip, never closing his eyes and he looks like the devil himself when he starts to wank me. That slow rhythm is driving me all nuts, I want more, I want it faster, harder, but every time I^m trying to force him, he^s biting. There^s nothing I can do. I never have known that you can render one completely immobile with your teeth only, but it works pretty well.  
The sweetest torture ever. God. Oh God.  
How can he smile like this with my lip between his teeth?  
He’s really utterly evil. What is unbefuckinglievable hot.  
Takes me a while to realize that those strange noises I hear are coming out of my own mouth. I want to touch him but he bites harder again as soon as I^m moving and i feel the warm metallic taste of blood on my tongue.  
Even that is utterly lush and my very own dark devil chuckles quietly at my desperate whimpers.  
My knees are starting to shake and a strong arm loops around my waist, holding me.  
I spill my load all over the radiant blue of his pants and he doesn^t give me a break as he lifts me up and carries me into the bedroom where he has me naked on the bed in seconds.  
I^m still catching my breath, not able to speak when I watch him undressing himself.  
Roger kneels between my spreaded legs, those sinister eyes darting into mine again. With a deep growl he starts to wank himself and the desperate need to touch him becomes unbearable.  
„No!“ he whispers as I’m reaching for him. „Don^t move!“  
Holy fuck! What has happened to my sweet lover? Where is that dominance coming from and why the hell is the tone of his voice alone making me hard again?  
I can only stare at him, completely paralized. It doesn^t take long and I^m covered with his cum, from my stomach to my chest.  
Finally he takes me in his arms, pulling me close and we kiss tenderly, my hardness throbbing against his thigh.  
„What was that all about?“ I chuckle, being awed to the bone.  
„No clue“ he grins. „my evil twin has taken over.“  
„I think i like your evil twin.“ A long sigh escapes from my mouth.  
„I wanted to be in control of the controller, I guess. Sorry for making you bleed, though.“ His thumb caresses my swollen lip.  
„Oddly enough that was…hot as hell“ I admit.  
„Glad you^re saying this. Has been a fantasy of mine for quite a while.“ Roger winks and that boyish naughty look is back.  
« Ah ? So, my husband-to-be, are there any other fantasies I need to know about?“  
„Nothing I can think about right now. It^s your turn anyway. » His hand wanders down to my pulsing member and this tantalizingly slow rhythm starts again.  
« You want to hear a fantasy of mine ? »  
« Yes please ! »  
« Hmmm…I like the thought of being watched. Not secretly like Naomi did. Goodness, Roger, I can’t stand this! I want you more!“  
„How do you want me, controller?“  
What a sexy way to let me know that he wants me to lead now !  
« Ride me » I gasp.  
« All dry, Marvin ? » he chuckles .  
« There^s massage oil in the bathroom.Go get it“  
„And here he is the arrogant assfucker yet again!“ with a big grin Rog leaves the bed and is back with the oil in no time.  
„Let^s get squidgy“ he smirks and before I can do anything he has spilled me with liquid. What a wonderful mess!  
We are all oily within minutes, rolling over the bed in an indeed very squidgy embrace, giggling like mad and finally my fingers find his entrance, turning his chuckle into a moan immediately.  
It doesn^t need much preparation, soon he’s literally impaling himself on my cock and yes, is he riding me!


	29. The edge of America

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Visiting LA, flashback to 1984

It^s long after midday when I open my eyes and the heavy scent hitting my nostrils makes me smile and goes straight down to southern regions. That massage oil is fab, we have to ask if it^s being sold here. Mixes so perfectly with sweat and semen, much better than the chemical smell of lube.  
The hotel laundry crew won^t be amused, though, we really have made one hell of a mess.  
I turn to face my sleeping lover and my smile broadens at his sight. Hard to believe that this innocently snoring man can be so utterly evil.  
Chuckling quietly I touch my swollen lip before bending for his nipples and there^s a hand in my hair as soon as my tongue makes contact with one delicious nub.   
„Hmmmm“ he purrs, the purr turning into a yelp as I bite.  
What works with a lip will most likely work with a nipple, too, huh ?  
It does. It does pretty good.

« Any plans ? » I ask not much later, my head resting on his chest.  
« Staying in bed, eventually moving over to the yacuzzi, perhaps fucking in front of the window to make your fantasy come true. » he winks.

« I didn^t mean it like that“ i grin. „ More like with Naomi. Only with the lights switched on and the awareness of someone watching“  
„We can^t do this with the godess, though. The whole world already knows about the last encounter.“ He plants a kiss on my neckand one leg loops around my hip.  
« Would be more thrilling with a man anyway » I return the kiss.  
„With whom?“ he wants to know.  
„No one in particular. It^s only a fantasy. Though my sick mind is thinking of some gay fan, to be honest.“  
„I agree, this is indeed sick!“ he laughs.  
We stay mostly in bed for the next 24 hours, leaving the hotel with a few bottles of this fabulous massage oil.

 

Los Angeles, july 2002

„That^s not a house“ James blurts. « It^s a fucking palace ! »  
We have just stopped in front of *Casa Nash-Taylor* and Jay isn^t the only one who is quite impressed.  
« Good griefs » I laugh when the front door flings open and a tanned little girl with big brown eyes storms out.   
„Uncle Nick! Tatji!“ she beams , throwing herself in my arms.  
„Beanie! Goodness, you become a young lady! » I kiss her heartily before my daughter hugs her.  
„Atlanta! You^re stunning! Look, that^s Ellea. She^s your age.“  
The girls stand face –to-face, smiling coyly.  
„Hi! I^m Atlanta Noo. I like your name. I like your hair. Welcome to LA. Would you like to share my room with me?“ It^s obviously some sort of love at first sight, Bean doesn^t even notice the others.  
„I^d love that“ Ellea smiles.   
« Faaaab ! Come, I^ll show you around!“  
« Er…“ I interupt and she blushes, slapping her forehead.  
„Ack! Sorry!“ Turning to Roger, she reaches out a hand. „You have to be uncle Nick`s boyfriend! Kinda odd, I tell ya! I think I like you more than his last girlfriend, though!“  
„All happy to hear that!“ Roger chuckles, shaking the offered hand.  
„Maddie is quite a dumbass, if you ask me!“ Beanie rolls her eyes.  
« There has been a Tara after Maddie, same type ! » Tatji grins.  
„Would you two please stop that, yeah?“ my turn for an eye roll.  
„Yep, stooop that! Nicky is with my daddy. I^m Bonsai, huh-looo!“  
« Heya ! Sorry again. I didn^t want to be mean.Bonsai, huh ? I bet that^s not your real name ! »  
„Naaah, of course not! Elliot is.“  
„That^s cute, like that dragon! So, Ellea, Elliot…that leaves James, if I remember right what dad has told me!“  
Once everyone is greeted properly, John^s daughter leads us into the house, right through the hallway to the garden.  
JT and Gela are relaxing by the pool and both jump up when they spot us.  
„Dang! We haven^t heard you! Heyheyhey! So happy you^re here!“ My best friend hugs everyone and Gela follows right behind.  
„I want in the pooooool“ Elliot shouts. He’s as obsessed with water as his dad, really.  
« We haven^t even arrived, sweetie. Give us a minute, will you ? » Rog smiles.  
„But it^s hoooot“ he whines.  
Well, that^s utterly true, it IS hot.  
So Nige is showing us our rooms and goes to unpack the car with Jay and Rog.  
Bean tugs at my shirt. „You^re not mad at me, uncle Nick, are ya? It^s just…well…weird.“  
„Nope, hon, I^m not mad at you. I understand that it must be confusing.Give him a change, yeah ?“  
„I like his kids. Ellea is lovely“  
„She was so excited to meet you. I^m sure you will become friends. Are you still playing football..I mean, soccer?“  
„Yeah! Does Ellea play soccer? «   
« Her dad does. He almost become a professional goalkeeper for Aston Villa. Bonsai and Jay are playing, too. » I^m glad to have found something that would probably melt the ice a little bit.  
It has become so natural, Rog and I being a couple, that I sometimes forget about the fact that it’s still quite irritating for the ones who have only seen me with women by my side.

Not much later all Taylors, including John, Gela and Bean, are in the giant pool, playing around, while Tatji and I are sipping ice tea and watch them.  
„Not in the mood for a swim?“ I ask my daughter.  
„Naah, a bit tired, jet lag, i guess. And I^m starving. »  
« Gela said she has something ready. » Now that she has mentioned it, i feel my stomach growl and we have to laugh.  
« Hey, Tatjana and I are hungry ! » I announce and it turns out that everyone is.  
I follow JT and Gela into their kitchen to help with the food and Tatji is coming with me.  
„Haven^t you told Atlanta about dad and other dad? She^s really confused!“ my daughter wants to know from Nigel.  
„I have. Give her some time. Oh, by the way, Nicholas…don^t hold back or something, please…I mean, hug , kiss, do what ever you normally do at home when the family is around, please.“  
„ Go to the bathroom, lock the door!“ Tatji chuckles.  
„Har har!“ I punch her playfully and Nigel laughs out loud. „just do me a favour and keep the door locked properly, yeah?“  
Loaded with food and other stuff we enter the garden and set up the table.  
All other Taylors are out of the pool now, rubbing each other dry. Atlanta and Ellea are giggling constantly and they sit next to each other when the dinner is served.  
Somehow Gela has managed it that Roger is on Bean^s other side and John^s daughter gives him quite a few side glances before she says:  
„I`m a very good soccer player, you know. »  
« Really ? That^s cool. Are you playing in a team ? »  
„Hmhm. At school. And we meet at weekends. Not many girls in the team, though, that sucks!“  
John winks at me a few minutes later when the two have some lively debate about soccer teams from all over the world.  
« Did you quit playing because you^re gay ? » Beanie finally asks.  
« Nah. They threw me out because I^m too small for a professional goalie. Funny enough at the same day your dad and Nick were looking for a drummer. »  
„ Really The same day?“ Nigel wonders. „ Well, must have been fate, Rog, huh? I remember that day…all we knew was that your name is Roger and that you looked like some Elvis-clone!“  
For some reason Atlanta isn^t done with the subject yet.  
„I don^t think it^s fun to come out as gay when you are a professional soccer player.“ she says quietly.  
« It surely isn^t ! » Rog agrees. « The first english national player who came out…1990, I guess, commited suicide nine years later. The stadions are still filled with homophobic chants and signs …in Europe, at least. »  
« It’s the same here. « Bean nods. „Stupid, huh?“  
„Indeed. It^s defininetly easier to be a gay drummer than a gay goalie, i^s say. Things are changing slowly, though.“ Roger reaches over the table to take my hand.  
„When you are a girl and you play soccer, they are calling you a lesbian. » Atlanta snorts.  
« Same side of the medal, Atlanta. Gay men are no real men, girls playing soccer are no real girls…so men have to be straight and girls have to be lesbians. People are amazingly stupid sometimes.“

Right after we have finished the meal Bonsai almost falls asleep in his chair, so Roger brings him to bed. James and Ellea help to clean the table what leaves Atlanta and me.  
« That was cute. » she smiles.  
„What?“  
„You holding hands. That was cute. You never did that with one of your girlfriends. And none of your girlfriends has ever talked to me like he does.“ She comes over to give me a smooch.

We visit the universal studios the next day all together and watch the sunset at Santa Monica pier later.   
Once the kids are in bed, we four adults are sitting in the garden, Roger and I share a bottle of a very good red wine.  
I still have to remind myself regulary that Nige isn^t drinking any more.   
Thinking of his addictions is always giving me a twitch of guilt, even as he has assured me about a million times by now that there was nothing I could have done to help him through this.  
He looks good. Healthy and happy. It’s a bless for him that he has met Gela, she^s really grounding him, giving him the hold he^s always been looking for.   
My mind wanders back to another evening in Los Angeles, long time ago.

Los Angeles, february 6th, 1984  
We will still touring until the middle of april, but I^m so sick of it already. Another city, another show, another after show party. Simon, Ands and John are as high as the empire state building, each of them two girls in his arms. Jules is in our hotel room, sleeping.  
My inner voice screams at me to stop drinking, but I order yet another vodka. Pure. No orange juice. I almost spill my drink as Roger slips on the barstool beside me. He^s rarely seen at after show parties, especially now that Giovanna is traveling with him.  
„Hey“ I say sheepishly, raising my glass.  
„Ta“ he nods. „Where^s Jules? »  
« Up in the room. Gio ?“  
„Same“  
Dang! Would we ever be able to talk to each other like normal people? Not even like friends, just like…well, people.  
Only when he leans towards me I notice that he must have taken something, his pupils are as big as saucers.  
Fuck. That^s so not Roger!  
« You have to talk to Johnny“ he says quietly. « he starts the day with 2 lines of coke for weeks now, and I have no clue how much more during the day. »  
« Well, looks like he has shared the last ones with you, huh ? » I snap.  
« That was actually Ands. Bad idea, though, I wish I could go to sleep but I^m all hyper now.. My second line in half a year, by the way. Not that it^s any of your business… » he trails off.  
„That^s probably the longest line of words you ever have said to me since…well, more than half a year ! » There^s nothing I can do about the bitterness in my voice, as hard as I try to sound light hearted and funny. Japan. Since Japan.  
« Do you want me to leave ? » He looks at me with those fucking beautiful puppy eyes.  
« No. Sorry. I..no. How do you know that Nige has coke for breakfast ? »  
« He told me. After I have caught him several times. He has a serious drug problem, if you ask me. »  
« He definetly has » I sigh, watching my best friend snoggling two girls to death. „ I will talk to him. The transformation from nerdy Nigel into John fucking Taylor didn^t do him any good.He^s still Nigel, pretending to be a fucking rock star. Sometimes I think it^s my fault…I have forced him into it somehow“ I have no clue why I^m saying this. It^s the truth, but why do I tell HIM?  
„Bullshit, Nicky!“ I hold my breath when his hand lands heavily on my shoulder. „ It^s not your fault. John is a genius. A bass god. He has to be a musician. He just has to learn how to handle all this ! » His hand disappears, much to my regret, to make a gesture into Nigel^s direction.  
« It isn^t easy. » I sigh again. « i^m actually quite sick of it myself right now »  
« Yeah » Roger smirks « Tell me about. Sometimes I just want to hide under the bed and never come out again. »  
Maybe I^m simply too drunk and I overestimate things or misrender them, but he^s quite metaphoric, isn^t he? I mean…come out? Never come out?  
« Another one ? » he asks, pointing at my empty glass.  
« Yes please ! »   
We cling glasses, smiling at each other, and I feel a wave of happiness rushing over me.   
We are sitting here together. We are talking. Maybe we can be friends again. It feels like that at this very moment.  
„Does it hurt?“ I ask, noticing his band aid covered fingers.  
„Nah. Only blisters. Not as bad as John and Ands, they are bleeding sometimes.“  
„Really?“ We are talking about band stuff and touring and all that for a while, laughing and smiling and getting all drunk together.  
It feels good, so good. I should have known that it would end in a desaster.  
„Nicky. I have to tell you something. It^s actually what I came here for.“ he says, and again his hand is on my shoulder.  
„Yeah?“ I smile , still laughing at the last joke, enjoying the warmth radiating from his hand.  
« I have proposed to Gio. We will get married this July. »  
It feels like someone has punched me hard in the belly. Very hard.   
„Oh“ is the only thing I bring out.  
„Do you…er…do you think I should? Marry her?“  
„Of course you should!“ I^m forcing myself into a bright smile. « Congrats ! Wow ! Congrats, Roger ! »

 

Los Angeles. July 2002  
« Jeeeez ! I^m such an idiot ! » I blurt and everyone is staring at me with amusement.  
„If you say so!“ Roger grins.  
„Oh goodness!“ I laugh „ Sorry! It^s…i had to think about the sing blue silver tour, when we were here in LA…Roger, darling… oh my…unbelievable! I was such an idiot, really, I^m sorry!“  
„I don^t get it!“ my man smiles.  
„The after show party…first LA show…you told me that you had proposed to Gio. And you asked me if you shoud marry her. » I pull him close, kissing him deeply.  
« Hmhm » he chuckles as we part. « And you were beaming all over and said *of course you should*. Yeah, Nicky, you really are an idiot!“


	30. To whom it may concern

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A happy ending. Finally

I can^t get over it. It^s so very obvious when looking back that he wanted me to say *No, Roger, don^t marry her, be with me!*  
„I^m so sorry!“ I whisper when we are in bed. „ I was so busy denying my feelings that I haven^t even thought about your^s“  
„Don^t be. It^s perfect the way it is now, it^s perfect to have this amazing family, all those wonderful kids. I don^t want it any other way, Nicky.“  
We make love, sweet and tender love. It isn^t for carnal need , it^s to be one. To feel that nothing in the world can tear us apart again.

London. August 2002  
When we are back, hell breaks lose. Literally.  
The record company we have signed to wants us to make a tour before the album is out, as some sort of promotion  
Again we need all our friends for help, as we are heading from one tv show to another, from interview to interview, photo shooting to photoshooting  
Elliot has to stay at Maurice^s for a whole week.Ellea is practically living at the LeBon^s. Even Gio and Lorenzo are flying in from Naples.  
It^s almost like in the 80^s. The fans are older now, but my, do we have loyal fans! Whenever we are leaving a tv studio, a radio station or whatever, they are there. Not as loud and not as many as back then, of course.

By the end of september, the tour plan is fixed.  
Roger and I smile broadly at each other when we see the first City and country we^d play.  
Osaka, Japan. 

Osaka, Japan, August ^81.  
I don^t want this night to end.  
I want to stay here for the rest of my life, with him by my side.  
He looks so beautiful, so relaxed in his sleep. The blanket lies on the floor, his wonderful body is fully exposed and I feel myself getting hard at that sight.  
I still want him. I want him even more now that I had him. That I know what he tastes like, what he sounds like, how he looks when he comes.

*What have I done? Holy shit, what have I done?*

A part of me is still hoping that nothing has changed. That we^d go to the radio station like we did the other day, laughing and teasing each other, my very dear friend Roger and I.  
Another part hopes that we will be lovers from now on, that we^ll find a way.  
But none of that is going to happen, right?

I can^t resist to lie a hand on his chest, to feel his heartbeat.  
When he covers my hand with his, I think he^s going to push me away, but he doesn^t.  
„ I don^t want to leave“ he says quietly, eyes still closed.  
« Me neither. »  
« Nicky… I… » 

*I don^t want to talk. I don^t want to hear what he has to say. I don^t want. *

« There^s no need to talk about it, Roger ! » I say and it comes out harsh and loud.

« Do listen ! » he shoots back, his dark brown eyes darting into mine as he sits up. 

„I know we can’t be lovers, Nicky. I know this is never gonna happen again. I just…I want to tell you that I wish we could be, ok? I really wish we could. May I kiss you? One last time, yeah?“  
It feels like this kiss lasts for hours.

 

London, September 2002

« Are you still the quiet one ? » the reporter holds the mic way too close under Roger^s nose and my man opens his mouth, shuts it again and nods quietly,what makes Charlie breaking out in laughter.  
We have just announced the reunion tour and the room is buzzing with excitement.  
All the kids are in the back room and their laughters can be heard.  
„Why is the tour starting in Japan?“ one of the reporters asks. „Why not in the UK?“  
„Coincidence.“ Simon answers. „We had to take what^s free. But we always had very loyal fans in Japan and we^re happy to start there.“  
Oh yes, we are! I am holding hands with Roger under the table and the way he caresses my palm with his thumb is driving me insane.  
As Charlie said, it^s pure coincidence that it^s that country, THAT city, but for Roger and I it feels like some sort of fate and we are a little lost in memories here.

Osaka, japan. July 7th 2003  
A massive wall of screams welcomes us. Roger kisses me shortly before he goes to sit behind the drums. Nigel smiles like a chesire cat as he picks the bass. Simon looks like he^d break out in tears at any minute and Ands can^t stop shaking his head . „ Goodness! This is fucking awesome! Fucking awesome!“

The show has been sold out in minutes, literally. The whole tour has been.  
My drummer stretches his arms, taps the bass drum pedal slightly and winks at me as he bends for the sticks.  
We are back. Duran Duran is back.  
My love is back.  
Finally.

 

 

Epilogue  
London, April26, 2018

„Hey!“ the young man beams as he hugs me and I ruffle his hair.  
„Bonsai!“ I grin and he chuckles.  
With 22 he^s more a Roger-clone than ever. I^m so very proud of him, he^s working as a photographer and book publisher now and he never gets tired to tell everyone that the biggest inspiration was his dad, his other dad, Nick Rhodes.

In 2004, both of the gay right bills came through and Roger and I got married in 2005. Civil partnership it was back then, but we call it the first marriage.  
In 2006 I have adopted Jay, Bonsai and Ellea.

In 2010 James moved over to LA, and we are very happy that he could make it today for Roger^s 58th birthday.  
Ellea followed her mother^s footsteps and became a make up artist and a fitness maniac.  
Tatji is a film editor now and she made a wonderful movie about our *proper wedding * in 2014, when the civil partnership is finally called a marriage.  
My man, my drummer, looks as stunning as always and my heart melts into a useless puddle as I hear him laugh now.  
Our eyes meet across the room and I smile at my gorgeous husband.


End file.
